Is It All About Them?
Recently, in the last several months I have "unfriended" a number of people. The main reason is because each of them were takers and it rarely felt as though they were willing to give. Although I am not one to keep score when it is obvious that people take much more than they give, I feel it is time to move on, and so that is exactly what I have done.
Takers are out there and there is really nothing we can do to change them. Some of us are givers while some of us are not so giving. It is not in the DNA of every person to give and when we force it we make a grave mistake, only to eventually be disappointed. When we are conscious of giving and we are intentionally about the way we love others we automatically give. When we are unconscious and live an unintentional life we end up thinking that we are owed something, we become entitled in a way that assumes that others are here to serve us without a knowing that we are really here to serve and care for others.
Letting go of the takers in your life is not an easy task. In fact, you may need to reduce your relationships to a couple of good ones and at first it will feel like something terrible has happened. The reality is that what needed to happen, did happen and by letting go with love we make room for others to enter our life. When we keep the energy of resentment at the takers we end up feeling used and naturally resent it. Knowing who we want in our lives and keeping only the people who we are aligned with and that are willing to give as well as graciously receive.
We cannot change takers into givers. The truth about takers is that they are who they are. When we experience givers and people who are willing to become a balanced part of our life we know how it feels and most of us like that feeling. Opening our hearts up to the people who know how to receive it and how to show us some gratitude makes us feel validated in a way that is normal and meaningful to most humans. It is not unusual for us to expect others to show us love, show us appreciation and show us compassion.
Alex experienced a taker first hand when he met Susan. Susan was very boisterous and up front from the beginning introducing herself to Alex at a social event. After some time Susan seemed to go where there was an offer of one kind or another. She would engage Alex for hours on the phone listening to her issues yet when the time came for Alex she did not have a lending ear. On a number of occasions Susan would invite Alex to go to an event but before he could make up his mind Susan would state that she was going with a friend. After some observations Alex uncovered that Susan would select someone else who was offering to pay for her. This happened repeatedly until Alex shared that he had noticed this M.O. That is when Susan denied everything and shut down. It seemed that Alex had figured her out and was finally in his words: "over it". Although at first he was interested in Susan he was happy he'd discovered the behaviors of a taker early enough to set some boundaries for himself and anyone else who came along.
Sometimes it takes some very specific experiences to find out that someone in your life needs to be "released to the universe". Like Alex there are many people who eventually understand that love will not bloom from what is obviously a person who does not have the skills to give it. We all experience these falls in our life yet we must understand that we all will, perhaps several time, until we learn the lesson. Releasing those who don't serve us or our highest vibration is a part of a spiritually whole life. There does not have to be any blaming or shaming just one open conversation where we give ourselves permission to do what is best for us and others.
Coach Elliott
Takers are out there and there is really nothing we can do to change them. Some of us are givers while some of us are not so giving. It is not in the DNA of every person to give and when we force it we make a grave mistake, only to eventually be disappointed. When we are conscious of giving and we are intentionally about the way we love others we automatically give. When we are unconscious and live an unintentional life we end up thinking that we are owed something, we become entitled in a way that assumes that others are here to serve us without a knowing that we are really here to serve and care for others.
Letting go of the takers in your life is not an easy task. In fact, you may need to reduce your relationships to a couple of good ones and at first it will feel like something terrible has happened. The reality is that what needed to happen, did happen and by letting go with love we make room for others to enter our life. When we keep the energy of resentment at the takers we end up feeling used and naturally resent it. Knowing who we want in our lives and keeping only the people who we are aligned with and that are willing to give as well as graciously receive.
We cannot change takers into givers. The truth about takers is that they are who they are. When we experience givers and people who are willing to become a balanced part of our life we know how it feels and most of us like that feeling. Opening our hearts up to the people who know how to receive it and how to show us some gratitude makes us feel validated in a way that is normal and meaningful to most humans. It is not unusual for us to expect others to show us love, show us appreciation and show us compassion.
Alex experienced a taker first hand when he met Susan. Susan was very boisterous and up front from the beginning introducing herself to Alex at a social event. After some time Susan seemed to go where there was an offer of one kind or another. She would engage Alex for hours on the phone listening to her issues yet when the time came for Alex she did not have a lending ear. On a number of occasions Susan would invite Alex to go to an event but before he could make up his mind Susan would state that she was going with a friend. After some observations Alex uncovered that Susan would select someone else who was offering to pay for her. This happened repeatedly until Alex shared that he had noticed this M.O. That is when Susan denied everything and shut down. It seemed that Alex had figured her out and was finally in his words: "over it". Although at first he was interested in Susan he was happy he'd discovered the behaviors of a taker early enough to set some boundaries for himself and anyone else who came along.
Sometimes it takes some very specific experiences to find out that someone in your life needs to be "released to the universe". Like Alex there are many people who eventually understand that love will not bloom from what is obviously a person who does not have the skills to give it. We all experience these falls in our life yet we must understand that we all will, perhaps several time, until we learn the lesson. Releasing those who don't serve us or our highest vibration is a part of a spiritually whole life. There does not have to be any blaming or shaming just one open conversation where we give ourselves permission to do what is best for us and others.
Coach Elliott
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