Zen4Men: Speak Her Language
It seems so simple yet so accurate. Men need to speak female language and use words that facilitate a receptive response from them. Just as we wish women to understand us and speak our language we must be willing to do that same for her. It may seem odd that men and women use different ways of communication but it is what it is and men need to accept that. Becoming willing to address things in a way that is modeled for us by our female partner is a way to honor her, honor ourselves and honor the relationship.
Here's how:
1. Listen to the words that she uses to express emotion and feelings.
Note the words she uses on an everyday basis to describe things, situations, herself and others. Take notice of the words she uses when she is speaking to you in a way that is loving and kind to you or she wants you to listen and hear her. When a woman shares in a way that is compassionate and understanding she uses words like: I understand and otter affirming words like I get it. If in doubt about what kinds of words to use ask her what her "loving language is". What does she deem as words that will open her heart up and make her more receptive. If you cannot do this then I would question your love towards her because in any relationship there needs to be a willingness to use the language that the other person feels is their loving language.
2. Do what she likes to do with her, join in:
Talking the talk is great but actually doing loving acts is even more powerful in any relationship. Become willing to do things she likes to do and learn things like dancing or playing tennis. A willingness to participate in what she loves to do is speaking her language in a way that tells her that what she values is important to you. Although you may not do all the things she likes to do or she may prefer to do those things with her friends, having an open heart around it is likely going to improve your relationship.
3. Gifting her:
Buy your loved one flowers for no reason. Just gift her with a romantic card or note. These types of acts speak to the goddess energy of most women. Run a bath, wash the dishes or do the laundry without being asked to. While you are at it, put on an apron. A lot of women love to see us in an apron and find our doing housework not just helpful but sexy. By doing things that we think are domestic and women's jobs in the home we enhance the relationship and when we want something we are likely to get it.
4. Cuddling and Sex:
Women space cuddle while some men want to have fast and hard sex. Women want foreplay and they want to be held afterwards. When we comply to this goddess energy we honor her and at the same time bond emotionally with her, not just have sex with her. I would go so far as to say that men do some non-sexual touching that does not end in having sex with their goddess. Women want men to send the message to them that they are much more than someone they like to have hot sex with and they often complain that their man does not give them time to become ready for sex. I often tell women to lead men into the experiences so that they know what they would like prior to sex and afterwards. Cuddle and foreplay are her language.
5. Ask don't assume:
When you are charged and feeling anger the first thing to do is to take some silent time. Asking for that time alone is a kind and generous way to make sure that you don't take things out on her. Once you are calm ask her if she is read to hear you and if she is willing got listen to you share your frustration or concerns. This is speaking her language by asking for what you need and not allowing things to fester and get bigger. In this same manner you may sometimes ask for a romantic date or a sexy encounter with her. Being respectful of her means that when you are in doubt your ask. And now that I am saying this please don't say: "Why are you angry?". See that she is and use loving language like: " I see you are upset, is there anything I can do to make it better?".
Speaking her language is not just speaking but doing. Leaning to show up for her in a way that she has said is the best is a loving act. Learn to speak goddess and you will find that life with her will be much more pleasant and joyful.
Coach Elliott
Here's how:
1. Listen to the words that she uses to express emotion and feelings.
Note the words she uses on an everyday basis to describe things, situations, herself and others. Take notice of the words she uses when she is speaking to you in a way that is loving and kind to you or she wants you to listen and hear her. When a woman shares in a way that is compassionate and understanding she uses words like: I understand and otter affirming words like I get it. If in doubt about what kinds of words to use ask her what her "loving language is". What does she deem as words that will open her heart up and make her more receptive. If you cannot do this then I would question your love towards her because in any relationship there needs to be a willingness to use the language that the other person feels is their loving language.
2. Do what she likes to do with her, join in:
Talking the talk is great but actually doing loving acts is even more powerful in any relationship. Become willing to do things she likes to do and learn things like dancing or playing tennis. A willingness to participate in what she loves to do is speaking her language in a way that tells her that what she values is important to you. Although you may not do all the things she likes to do or she may prefer to do those things with her friends, having an open heart around it is likely going to improve your relationship.
3. Gifting her:
Buy your loved one flowers for no reason. Just gift her with a romantic card or note. These types of acts speak to the goddess energy of most women. Run a bath, wash the dishes or do the laundry without being asked to. While you are at it, put on an apron. A lot of women love to see us in an apron and find our doing housework not just helpful but sexy. By doing things that we think are domestic and women's jobs in the home we enhance the relationship and when we want something we are likely to get it.
4. Cuddling and Sex:
Women space cuddle while some men want to have fast and hard sex. Women want foreplay and they want to be held afterwards. When we comply to this goddess energy we honor her and at the same time bond emotionally with her, not just have sex with her. I would go so far as to say that men do some non-sexual touching that does not end in having sex with their goddess. Women want men to send the message to them that they are much more than someone they like to have hot sex with and they often complain that their man does not give them time to become ready for sex. I often tell women to lead men into the experiences so that they know what they would like prior to sex and afterwards. Cuddle and foreplay are her language.
5. Ask don't assume:
When you are charged and feeling anger the first thing to do is to take some silent time. Asking for that time alone is a kind and generous way to make sure that you don't take things out on her. Once you are calm ask her if she is read to hear you and if she is willing got listen to you share your frustration or concerns. This is speaking her language by asking for what you need and not allowing things to fester and get bigger. In this same manner you may sometimes ask for a romantic date or a sexy encounter with her. Being respectful of her means that when you are in doubt your ask. And now that I am saying this please don't say: "Why are you angry?". See that she is and use loving language like: " I see you are upset, is there anything I can do to make it better?".
Speaking her language is not just speaking but doing. Leaning to show up for her in a way that she has said is the best is a loving act. Learn to speak goddess and you will find that life with her will be much more pleasant and joyful.
Coach Elliott
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