Is Relationship Work
Of course it is! Anything worth having is work and relationship is no exception. Love and connection requires that we nurture another human being and it requires that we do the things that cultivate it and heal it when it needs healing. Relationship is work and making a commitment to marriage, living as a couple or being with each other for any length of time holds us accountable to doing the things we need to do to put light and joy into it.
I know people who have stated that their relationship was "too much work". I can believe that but I also think that we give up so easily when we are given the signs that there is some work to be done. I am not sure what each and every person means when they say "too much" but speaking for myself and my own experience I have some difficulties understanding how relationship can end because it requires us to stand up some times when there is darkness and despair or sadness and loss. It is goddess asking us if we are willing and goddess saying, "love is not too much work". When relationship looks like it is too much work I say do your very best to respond in a way that is fearless and loving, a way that honors your partner.
The work involved in having a relationship is natural. It can be viewed in the same way that we approach nurturing a child, our own child or one that needs the affection and unconditional love. Most of us won't deny that love to a child or even to a friend who is in need of love but we will deny it to our spouse. We even treat our friends better than we treat our "significant other". If we look at the work involved in partnership as natural then we just do it and not second guess why we do it. In the end we do it for love. We all can use a reality check when it comes to doing the work in relationship but if we just think of it as a baby needing to be fed it would flow out of us like a loving parent is suppose to manifest love.
Relationship is a process and in that process we are being asked to learn, but moreover we are being asked to receive and give. We have to be willing to give as much if not more than we take. We must be awake and conscious of what our partner does for us and shares with us. We must be in gratitude for everything we get and make certain that we search our own heart for what it is we will give.
Love is a series of compromises. If our partner loves to dance then we should be willing to learn one dance. If he or she loves tennis then we would be kind to go to his or her matches. If our partner loves his or her steak well done then we should make it that way because the well done steak is not about feeding someone, it is about honoring someone. So many of us have the same complaint and that is that our partners are selfish and take too much of the time. I believe that and can honestly say that I have been on both ends where I am giving like crazy and taking like crazy. I believe the trick is to find that balance and when being aware of when you are taking too much and not giving enough. The sure way to figure it out is to occasionally sit and talk with your beloved one. Know that there will be an endless amount of times when you will need to compromise and that if you do the rewards are endless. Love, I repeat, love is a series of compromises. Open your heart and be generous.
I once shared with a friend that someone I know was "cheap". What I meant was that even though he has money to spend and a sure future with an inheritance he watches his money more than I do and has a lot more of it. She responded with "he is cheap with his feelings". I was stunned and thought for a moment about what she had just said. Suddenly I realized the connection. When we are cheap with our money often times it is attached to our inability to be generous with our love and our feelings. I am sure that some of you have experienced this with others and possibly found yourself in that situation. What I would like to say is that we cannot be cheap with our feelings in relationship if we are to love with all of our heart and soul. On the contrary we must be generous with our feelings. We must be willing to bare our heart and be generous in all the ways possible, yet what I sense is that we are fearful that we will end up resentful if we give of our feelings without limits. Funny thing: Feelings don't cost anything and it is baffling how we hoard them as if we are paying for them. I think what my friend was telling me was that she could see something in my other friend that was aligned with money and feelings but more importantly that what mattered was that there was a sense of scarcity in him that derived from fear. In love we cannot be cheap with our feelings.
I will continue this BLOG on this subject because frankly it intrigues me. I am fascinated by the thought that work and relationship are such a dichotomy for some of us. Suffice for now to share that if relationship is not any work at all are we truly in our human form within the context of relationship?
As usual I would love to hear what you all have to say. Coach Elliott
I know people who have stated that their relationship was "too much work". I can believe that but I also think that we give up so easily when we are given the signs that there is some work to be done. I am not sure what each and every person means when they say "too much" but speaking for myself and my own experience I have some difficulties understanding how relationship can end because it requires us to stand up some times when there is darkness and despair or sadness and loss. It is goddess asking us if we are willing and goddess saying, "love is not too much work". When relationship looks like it is too much work I say do your very best to respond in a way that is fearless and loving, a way that honors your partner.
The work involved in having a relationship is natural. It can be viewed in the same way that we approach nurturing a child, our own child or one that needs the affection and unconditional love. Most of us won't deny that love to a child or even to a friend who is in need of love but we will deny it to our spouse. We even treat our friends better than we treat our "significant other". If we look at the work involved in partnership as natural then we just do it and not second guess why we do it. In the end we do it for love. We all can use a reality check when it comes to doing the work in relationship but if we just think of it as a baby needing to be fed it would flow out of us like a loving parent is suppose to manifest love.
Relationship is a process and in that process we are being asked to learn, but moreover we are being asked to receive and give. We have to be willing to give as much if not more than we take. We must be awake and conscious of what our partner does for us and shares with us. We must be in gratitude for everything we get and make certain that we search our own heart for what it is we will give.
Love is a series of compromises. If our partner loves to dance then we should be willing to learn one dance. If he or she loves tennis then we would be kind to go to his or her matches. If our partner loves his or her steak well done then we should make it that way because the well done steak is not about feeding someone, it is about honoring someone. So many of us have the same complaint and that is that our partners are selfish and take too much of the time. I believe that and can honestly say that I have been on both ends where I am giving like crazy and taking like crazy. I believe the trick is to find that balance and when being aware of when you are taking too much and not giving enough. The sure way to figure it out is to occasionally sit and talk with your beloved one. Know that there will be an endless amount of times when you will need to compromise and that if you do the rewards are endless. Love, I repeat, love is a series of compromises. Open your heart and be generous.
I once shared with a friend that someone I know was "cheap". What I meant was that even though he has money to spend and a sure future with an inheritance he watches his money more than I do and has a lot more of it. She responded with "he is cheap with his feelings". I was stunned and thought for a moment about what she had just said. Suddenly I realized the connection. When we are cheap with our money often times it is attached to our inability to be generous with our love and our feelings. I am sure that some of you have experienced this with others and possibly found yourself in that situation. What I would like to say is that we cannot be cheap with our feelings in relationship if we are to love with all of our heart and soul. On the contrary we must be generous with our feelings. We must be willing to bare our heart and be generous in all the ways possible, yet what I sense is that we are fearful that we will end up resentful if we give of our feelings without limits. Funny thing: Feelings don't cost anything and it is baffling how we hoard them as if we are paying for them. I think what my friend was telling me was that she could see something in my other friend that was aligned with money and feelings but more importantly that what mattered was that there was a sense of scarcity in him that derived from fear. In love we cannot be cheap with our feelings.
I will continue this BLOG on this subject because frankly it intrigues me. I am fascinated by the thought that work and relationship are such a dichotomy for some of us. Suffice for now to share that if relationship is not any work at all are we truly in our human form within the context of relationship?
As usual I would love to hear what you all have to say. Coach Elliott
I enjoyed reading this. I do believe in putting our whole heart into relationship when we've chosen to be in one. It is not worth loving until you've loved with your WHOLE heart. It's the deepest ecstasy when we open our hearts freely and love limitlessly. It is better to love and lose then to never attempt it at ALL.
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