Coach Elliott

I admit that I had an estranged relationship with my mom.  Early in the course of my life she divorced my father and became bitter and angry.  I was the recipient of her anger and at times it was very dark both emotionally and physically.  Over time I learned that forgiving my mother was a crucial part of my journey and that holding on to any resentments was not an option if I was to live a life free of emotional chains.  Even though we did not communicate all the time our communication was one that was for me intentional and about continuing to heal and open a space for something that looked like maternal love.  Finally towards the end of my mother's life I could feel compassion and as I stood over her bed when she was beginning her transition I connected with her by speaking Spanish to her.  I was that child who always spoke to her in Spanish because somewhere inside of me I felt a more genuine connection to her and to our common culture, even though she would start each conversa

I never had to justify my love of dancing until my last relationship where I spent too much time justifying everything, down to the way I looked at decor.  That is when we know that we are in the wrong place with the wrong person at the wrong time in our life.  It was after this that I knew with all of my heart that I would never, ever, stop dancing until I can no longer dance.  It was then that I realized that dancing helped me to not look back and to know with all my soul that someone who I honored was jealous of me and could not handle my shiny light.  It is when I decided that I would work the rest of my life to be my highest vibration and never look back.  I was as I put it "cured". I have shared the love of dance with everyone I know and recently wrote a blog about dancing and how much it healed me.  This blog is more about not stopping and that once we have the momentum going we must keep moving and not allow anything or any one to distract us from the dance, not jus

No one can take you down either.  Just remember that as you are walking that path we call life.  No one has that kind of power unless you give it to them and the reason we do is that we just don't think highly enough of our self.  When others can bring you down, make us upset, shake our being, get us off track, there is only one reason: we are weak and we give them the power to shake us down. We all know the story of Tina Turner who lived years and years of abuse at the hands of a man she called her husband.  Ike Turner was a miserable excuse for a man but Tina was a woman who was prime for being in an abusive relationship.  She herself admitted that she did not think much of herself and that she allowed the abuse.  When Tina felt her power and felt her self worth and chanted she rose up that day and ran as fast as she could.  Finally, she left that dark, ugly, nasty excuse for a human being and she started a new life.  To this day Tina Turner, who kept the last name by the way a

I have been dancing since I could stand up and walk mostly to Latino music.  I was exposed to singer like La Lupe who sang torch songs like "si vuelves tu" that La India remade.  I knew who Trio de Los Panchos was when I was a little boy of about 10 years old.  Then as a teen I began to dance to El Gran Combo, like the most iconic salsa group of my life time and one that young people are still dancing to.  Their song "Tu Me Hiciste Brujeria" is about a woman putting a magic spell on a man.  While recently dancing to this salsa song I noted that most of the men on the dance floor would recite the main lyric.  For most of my wonderful life dancing has transformed me repeatedly from an OK mood to one that is euphoric and playful. Teaching salsa dance to others for a number of years I realized this to be a healing agent for most.  Each person who stuck to learning how to dance salsa shared that their life had changed dramatically and that they felt more joy more often

It would be terrible if every time someone did something bad to someone, that person would turn around and do something just as bad or worse, either towards the perpetrator or someone else.  It has become all too real that the evil acts of others has in fact driven other's decisions to do evil acts.  On top of this we have all know of all too many situations that have ended in the death of another person.  We don't often want to think about this least of all talk openly about it, but the cause of such  actions is often times how people take things and many times it is when people take things personal. It is obvious that evil does not always elicit evil as a response.  In fact most of the time when people say or do hurtful things the recipients walk away, ending the relationship with the person who is hurtful or mean to them.  Others take it personally and even the smallest of infractions elicits more evil and this is when things go from bad to worse.  It is when we take thing

I believe that my sixty two years on this earth qualifies me to have opinions about everything I have experienced.  I have been out to eat many times and find that the best places are the ones that keep it simple and don't overload the plate with bad food.  I also believe that you can go to inexpensive places and discount stores and find some truly beautiful and quality items, that are classic and long enduring.  Although we have been sold this idea that high designer stores hold the key to fashion I think often times that it is quite the opposite when high end stores copy what lower end stores are selling and much to our advantage when low end stores copy high end designers.  I don't want to pick on "Design within Reach" but my God are they really serious?  My favorite find ever were my "wishbone" design chairs that I bought at Marshall's after freezing in my tracks when I saw them and taking a deep breath.  I had actually sold a client on them over the

I believe that most of the people who cannot seem to fall in love are without knowing it running from love.  Some years ago I coached a woman who had been single most of her adult life and was now in her forties.  She wanted to understand why she was not attracting a man and why she was not yet in love with anyone.  What we determined though our sacred work was that she was absructing love and  that instead of meeting love she was running from it, specifically from the first person she needed to love, herself.  Eventually she fell in love and in the course of it realized that the person she needed to love the most was herself. As many times as we have heard it before falling in love does require that we love ourselves.  When we love ourselves, accept our flaws and work on becoming the best person we can possibly be we can then fall in love with someone else.  When we understand that we are valuable and that we matter we can then become open to the possibility of someone loving us.  W

For some men honoring a woman feels like a guessing game.  Some of the questions they may ask themselves are: How do I act in a way that honors a woman? What do I do that will honor a woman I love? How can I honor and support a woman in my life? Why is it that as much as I try I cannot seem to get it right? I want to start with the simple answer which is that a man can honor a woman by asking her how he can show up,  support her and acknowledge her in a way that she feels is comfortable and loving.  Asking a simple question like: "How can I best show up for you?"is the perfect way to determine what you can do to honor her.  Remember that not all women feel the same on this subject.  While some women love to get flowers others are more concerned about you helping out in the home.  The sure way to determine what you can do to honor her is to just ask. The way that we generally honor women is by respecting them and responding to what they share with us.  A woman is gene

I have been watching the OWN station and there is a show that I love called "Under Cover Boss".  It is about CEO's who go undercover in their companies to get information that might help them to improve the business.  Most ot the time the person who is the CEO is not very good at doing most of the jobs that their empolyess in the field do.  After the experience the CEO reveals themselves to each employee individually and surprises each one by telling them who they really are.  During their meeting the CEO gifts the employee with money to pay medical bills, buy a much needed car or to go on a honeymoon.  In a nutshell the people in this show truly reinforces the idea that "dreams really do come true".  The emotional level of most of the employees and the CEO is truly beautiful to see when they receive some very generous gifts.  Yet what I cannot help but to think is why this is not just something employers do for their workers by finding the need and meeting thos

I will never ever understand how some people live detached from where they live.  I don't understand how you can live in a space and be completely disconnected from it and that it not be a testament to how important a home is and how important our life is.  I am literally shocked at how people live and have seen some living spaces that people call their homes that are horrifying and in my own opinion shameful.  I cannot help but to ask myself why anyone would not take the time to create a living situation that honors them and that is beautiful, clean and organized?  Why would any human being settle for a mattress on the floor when a simple metal frame and some simple white bedding would be so much more comfortable and self-loving?  I believe that it is about shame and that these are people who don't believe they deserve better or that they can really detach themselves from where they eat and sleep.  But rather than to dwell on why some of us do not love ourselves and our home e

 For most of us milk is one of those things we were raised on and made to believe was super good for us and the strength of our bones.  Even today parents continue to feed their children milk and add it to things like cereal for morning breakfast.  We sincerely have bought into the notion that milk is the route to strong bones, but if you notice we have not been getting fed that line anymore.  It seems that over time doctors have researched milk, sugar and meat and many have come to the truth which is that all three are acutely bad for us.   In today's blog I will share the information I learned when I was trained at the Optimum Health Institute in San Diego for a few months by experts in the field of nutrition and even a doctor who was as witty as he was honest.   Here's what I learned about: A: Sugar:  B: Milk:  C: Meat:  Sugar is in fact very addictive to many.  As we know it is the main cause of diabetes but this is only one of the issues that sugar

Even though many women know what to do and not do on a first date there are many who don't and some who could use a little review.  This is for the women who are starting to date again.  I hope it helps: Show that feminine side: Don't be afraid to show your feminine side.  Wear a tasteful black dress that flatters your body and if it is a dressy occasion rock those heels.  Keep it tasteful and know that showing your feminine side is empowering and nothing to be ashamed of.  Stand back and allow him to open the doors and pay the bill.  You deserve it. Listen and talk very little: Let a man talk and sit back and do some serious observations.  Talk as little as possible and be attentive so long as what he is sharing is respectful and does not offend you.  The more you allow him to talk the more he will reveal to you and the more clear you will be as to whether this is a man you would like to continue to date. Don't tell it all: It is a bad idea to share a lot of perso

I would love to say that Internet dating works but what I suspect is that desperate people find other desperate people and that most of the time it is not a good match.  After all how could it be that one would find a soulmate on line of all places?  I guess some would say they have while others settle for who they find rather than wait and see what happens organically.  Yet what I would promote would be just that, allowing your life to unfold naturally the way that it is suppose to be and allowing that special person to be called to your life the way that it is suppose to happen.  I know what you are all thinking right now and I don't blame you.  The Internet is after all part of the modern world so why not use it to find a special person to spend your life with?  My challenge is for those of you who would rather allow your own power to propel you into a relationship that is meant for you and now one with a person who randomly picks you or you pick that person almost as if out of

In life we are constantly making agreements with our self and others.  We make agreements to be honest and tell the truth.  We make agreements to show up for others.  We make all types of agreements that we don't speak aloud and that we assume others know of like that we will care for them if they become ill.  Today I would like to ask everyone to look at the agreements you make and to write them and share them with others you love, for it is those sacred agreements that will propel you to a higher level of living and a more complete relationship with those you love.  The agreements that you make are important for you to know but it is even more important that others know as well. We make agreements all of our life and what I want to encourage is that we make them clear by verbalizing them and writing them down, especially in times of struggle.  We tend to naturally fall into an agreement to become angry when someone upsets us but I would like us all to consider making agreements

I would like to be the man who reminds other men that none of us would be here without a woman, our mothers.  Good, bad or indifferent we should honor the Goddess and all the women who had a part in raising us as men.  This blog is a short version of the women that I loved and how they impact my life and gifted me with the life I have: Maria Perez:  My great grandmother was for me the shining example of a person who never strayed from her inner peace.  She was a woman who prayed every night and could go an entire day without saying anything and when she did everyone tended to want to know what she said and it was difficult to hear her soft tone.  My recollection of her was of her long white braid that extended past her waist and the fact that she waited for us to come home from school when the weather permitted on the porch.  What I learned from Maria Perez (my Spanish princess) is that life does not have to be so difficult and that with softness and clarity we can live a more connec

Today my sister in law hosted a memorial "pot luck" for my mother.  My two siblings and I were given the opportunity to share something about our mother and we did so with the dignity that we learned as children.   In the middle of what I shared my brother blurted in a wining tone: "Frank, Frank, can you get that for me?", making fun of my mother when she asked for something that was immediately in front of her but not quite reaching distance.  She simply did now want to move in order to reach whatever she was asking for.  My sister then shared the hard times we went through with a mom who was not going to win the "mother of the year" award, including the times we got smacked around.  The theme of how difficult it was to deal with her kept rising up until her great granddaughter spoke so fondly of her saying: "I did not see that other side of her".  It was her reality and certainly it was truth personified.  At the very core of the speeches was f

I have decided that I will talk a lot less and listen a lot more.  The past few days have been a challenge for me and what I am observing in myself is that I cannot wait for someone to stop talking so that I can talk and that when there is empty space I try to fill it by talking way too much.  Not only have I this goal for myself I also have seen it modeled back to me by others who talk constantly about everything. We cannot listen well when we are preparing to one up the other person.  It is like when the person talked about horses and then we elaborate about all the horse we have ridden, how we have always wanted a horse, how our grandfather had the most beautiful horse on his ranch, how we dreamt of a unicorn horse, how scared our cousin is o horses and how much hay costs to feed them.  We don't just listen, we have to elaborate on everything and one up the person who is sharing information with us.  It is a habit we can all look at and consider disposing of it. Silence feel

I often say that I love bad girls and praise my granddaughter for being so active and free.  I have stopped people many times who have said things like: "you're a good girl" or "good girls don't do that" or my all time worse one is: "be a good girl".  I almost flipped when one of my friends looked at my granddaughter and referred to her as "the bossy one" and another time referred to her as "la dramatica" which in Spanish means "the dramatic one".  Aside from being an overall insensitive person this friend had accomplished angering me because in his life everyone had a nickname and everyone was labeled according to his rigid and bigoted standards.  I think that like him there are many people who simply label women and place them in a box, expecting them to behave.  I for one prefer "bad girls" like Nicky Manaj and Rihanna.  I say screw this notion that girls must be well behaved and be "good girls".

I have been told that I am courageous for telling my own story in some of my blogs.  I have even been told not to say too much and to be careful what I say.  I was even asked to take down few blogs and I conceded.  Yet what I know deep inside is that if I have the courage  to share my own truth, my pain and my visions that it may help someone else.  And so I once again I will share my story of healing from abuse in hope that it will be of service to others. As a child of six I was abandoned by my father and what was left was my thoughts of sadness and of wondering what I'd done for him to leave.  My mother became very angry and for a long time she struggled emotionally and in intervals was less than nurturing at times hitting me and my youngest sister.  The abuse was both emotional and physical but for a long time I was unaware of just how bad it would get.  As a small child I would break my own toys and then regret it.  Now looking back on the behavior I understand that I believ

Men who love women are ones who are advocates for women and will stand up and be counted when the rubber meets the road.  They are the men who believe in equal pay and are concerned about violence against women.  The are the men who will march along side women who are protesting the killing of female children in third world countries.  Men who do not fear being teased for holding their wife's purse or who treat women with special loving care.  A man who loves women is a gentleman at all times, every time.  They are the ones you see opening the door for their girlfriend and pulling out their girlfriend's chair in a restaurant so that they can sit before they take their seat.  A man who loves a woman will do anything to ensure that she feels safe and special in every sense of the word. Men who love women protect them:  A man who loves women will defend them every time and all the time.  He will ensure that she is safe and is willing to do anything to protect her if something w

Women often ask me how they will know if a man is into them or not.  Some women more recently seem more and more interested in men like me who are gentlemen.  But when a man is not that into you there will be clues and cues.  Although many women are able to figure out if a man is into her or not, there are still many young women who do not see the flags, even though it is waving furiously, red and on fire.  So for those lovely women here are some indicators that a man is "really not that into you": He calls you at one in the morning for a randevou: When a man calls you after midnight and asks to see you that is what we commonality call, yes, a "buttie call".  It is not a complement and and you don't want to answer the phone least of all go to his place at that time of the night.  A man who does this is not into who you are but what you are and are hoping to continue to score with you while pursuing other women during the work hours, when it is, yes, daylight

Most of us have gossiped at one time or another.  After all who can pass up a chance to talk about someone else as if their life was so much worse than our own?  We are human beings who sometimes feel a need to make others wrong and to criticize people that simply rub us the wrong way.  We may or may not know that person we are gossiping about but that matters not to us when we are looking to find some form of gratification around what we are not happy about in our own life.  What we fail to understand and realize is that gossip creates an energy in our life that is truly damaging.  Here are some ways that gossip effects us and others: It hurts others who eventually will hear about it:  Gossip for one is hurtful and when people hear about it they are offended and sometimes get quite upset and even angry.  What happens most times is that the gossip gets back to the person you talked about and does so via the person you told who in turn told someone and then that someone told someone