"Good Girl, Bad Girl?"
I often say that I love bad girls and praise my granddaughter for being so active and free. I have stopped people many times who have said things like: "you're a good girl" or "good girls don't do that" or my all time worse one is: "be a good girl". I almost flipped when one of my friends looked at my granddaughter and referred to her as "the bossy one" and another time referred to her as "la dramatica" which in Spanish means "the dramatic one". Aside from being an overall insensitive person this friend had accomplished angering me because in his life everyone had a nickname and everyone was labeled according to his rigid and bigoted standards. I think that like him there are many people who simply label women and place them in a box, expecting them to behave. I for one prefer "bad girls" like Nicky Manaj and Rihanna. I say screw this notion that girls must be well behaved and be "good girls".
The system of education is guilty of selling this concept of bad boys and girls and good boys and girls. It is especially true that boy's are given a pass because it is expected that they are rambunctious or somehow need more physical activity than girls. This myth has truly created a division between boys and girls, one that is not fair to females. Often times we pair girls with girls and boys with boys when in fact it would make more sense to mix them up when they work in groups or they line up to go to the lunchroom. At one time we even had an entrance for the boys and another different entrance for girls. It was believed that mixing the boys with the girls was inappropriate or taboo in some silly minded minds.
Many parents are guilty of having different rules for girls and restrictions that make girls feel as though they are not being treated fairly. You will often hear girls complain about how their male siblings get away with more. In addition dads sometimes treat girls with more dominance over them than they do boys, playing more often with boys and doing things with the boys that they consider male activities. Girls are often not expected to play basketball with their dads for example and although many parents are not aware of it, they treat girls as if they are more fragile. This of course limits what girls learn to do and activities that they might otherwise enjoy. When a girl shows an interest in sports we even refer to her as a "tom boy".
When my daughters were little I refused to buy them a Barbie. I felt like the image was so fake and so offensive to girls and that in the long run I just did not want them to believe that this is how they needed to be or look like. The image of a Barbie is still offensive to me: the little waist, the big boobs and the super skinny body. I am to this day not sure if I ever conceded to buying them a Barbie. The message that we send to girls when we buy them dolls is that being a mom is something that is very important when in fact not all females want to be mothers. The fact that we label certain toys ones for boys or girls is beyond my understanding. Whey can't a girl have a truck to play with and why can't a boy have a doll and buggy if he wants one?
We must change the mind set in our society around this notion that girls have to be sweet, nice and obedient. It is part of the reason that so many women are bullied by men. We must raise our girls more like boys to understand that they can do anything a boy can do. We must insist that schools integrate the boys with the girls as often as possible, teaching them they are equal and selecting books that depict successful women and women who have made contributions in our countries' history. As parents we must be careful not to have different standards for girls and boys but rather the identical expectations of both. Girls should not feel as though they are not being treated fairly or that they must live by some false standards that require them to be "good". Assigning roles to our girls is simply silly when we know that women are as capable as men. The fact that women are still fighting for equal pay for equal work is mind blowing to me. When we begin to understand fully what we are doing to our females we can then raise them with the same privileges and respect as we often times reserve for boys. Making certain we address females with equal measure will prepare our girls to become all that they can be.
Elliott Maximo Collazo
The system of education is guilty of selling this concept of bad boys and girls and good boys and girls. It is especially true that boy's are given a pass because it is expected that they are rambunctious or somehow need more physical activity than girls. This myth has truly created a division between boys and girls, one that is not fair to females. Often times we pair girls with girls and boys with boys when in fact it would make more sense to mix them up when they work in groups or they line up to go to the lunchroom. At one time we even had an entrance for the boys and another different entrance for girls. It was believed that mixing the boys with the girls was inappropriate or taboo in some silly minded minds.
Many parents are guilty of having different rules for girls and restrictions that make girls feel as though they are not being treated fairly. You will often hear girls complain about how their male siblings get away with more. In addition dads sometimes treat girls with more dominance over them than they do boys, playing more often with boys and doing things with the boys that they consider male activities. Girls are often not expected to play basketball with their dads for example and although many parents are not aware of it, they treat girls as if they are more fragile. This of course limits what girls learn to do and activities that they might otherwise enjoy. When a girl shows an interest in sports we even refer to her as a "tom boy".
When my daughters were little I refused to buy them a Barbie. I felt like the image was so fake and so offensive to girls and that in the long run I just did not want them to believe that this is how they needed to be or look like. The image of a Barbie is still offensive to me: the little waist, the big boobs and the super skinny body. I am to this day not sure if I ever conceded to buying them a Barbie. The message that we send to girls when we buy them dolls is that being a mom is something that is very important when in fact not all females want to be mothers. The fact that we label certain toys ones for boys or girls is beyond my understanding. Whey can't a girl have a truck to play with and why can't a boy have a doll and buggy if he wants one?
We must change the mind set in our society around this notion that girls have to be sweet, nice and obedient. It is part of the reason that so many women are bullied by men. We must raise our girls more like boys to understand that they can do anything a boy can do. We must insist that schools integrate the boys with the girls as often as possible, teaching them they are equal and selecting books that depict successful women and women who have made contributions in our countries' history. As parents we must be careful not to have different standards for girls and boys but rather the identical expectations of both. Girls should not feel as though they are not being treated fairly or that they must live by some false standards that require them to be "good". Assigning roles to our girls is simply silly when we know that women are as capable as men. The fact that women are still fighting for equal pay for equal work is mind blowing to me. When we begin to understand fully what we are doing to our females we can then raise them with the same privileges and respect as we often times reserve for boys. Making certain we address females with equal measure will prepare our girls to become all that they can be.
Elliott Maximo Collazo
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