Coach Elliott

As I examine my own home and how it speaks to me I want to continue to share this concept of a sanctuary as home with all of you, room by room and then by sharing ideas about home.  As most of you who know me my home resonates me all over and in each room there are things that mean somehting to me.  My deep love for my home will hopefully bring your conciousness and awareness a level up and that you will examine your home as well.  Where you situate your furniture and the vase you use for your flowers are all items that need to be taken to heart.  And I mean that with all my heart.  When your home is not aligned with certain basic things it is only a house and remains a lifeless object and a place where you just go to sleep rather than to hold reverence and retreat in peace and harmony with your home.  There are even reasons for placing furniture where you place it, making your living are for example situated to have conversations in it and placing the table close enough so guest can u

The last we spoke I described a house where the owner was in my opinion completely detached from his environment.  A home that was in such disarray that nothing could really be a good explanation for why it was so absent of love and care.  The only thing one could even imagine is that the person was unhealed from whatever it was he had  needed healing from.  Needless to say when we live in a place that is dirty and unhealthy there is something truly wrong.  Whatever that is remains a sccret as long as the person lies to himself about it.  I share this thought because I cannot overemphasize the importance of being in communion with your home, not your house, but your home and making it a home requires work and meaning and a sense of responsibility to oneself. As I continue the dialog about my own ideas of home I go to my office.  For some reason this is the room that is my most sacred space where I place my Spiritual Psychology diploma proudly and where there is a god like atmosphere

I have thought and thought about what home means to me and I have come up with one word that encompasses it all: A Sanctuary.  Our home should be our sanctuary.  Our home should be a place where we feel truly safe.  In fact there are so little people who see this important factor about living in a space.  So often negating and ignoring a space where we spend so much time and where we can feel welcome and warm as well as excited and moved.  A space where we can feel tranquility and peace and where each room has a meaning.  With that said I would like to invite you into my home and go through each room with you but before I do I would like to say that every item in my home means something, from the coffee cups that are modern and white to the coasters from the Frank Loyldwright home gift shop in Springfield.  Everything in your home should have meaning.   Coloration is a big factor when decorating your home.  The colors will speak a certain language.  In my home it is aqua and sand, t

I left off where I left the restaurant in Elgin where I had a nice burger.  Downtown Elgin is frankly rather depressed and many of the store fronts are empty.  There are only a small smattering of businesses and art studios some of which are "by appointment only".  I remember the last time hanging around with my daughter in the Spring and thinking how super sweet looking the area is.  Why there is not much going on there, mostly places to eat, is surprising to me.  I could see it but then confirmed it with a couple of shop owners.  What I figured out is that there is a possibility that there is a need for more upscale retail places because the surrounding area looks as though it may be old money, judging from the homes.  There are beautiful Victorians in the area and my guess is that these folks are going somewhere else to shop.  Although I am curious about all of this I again digress. After I left the restaurant I took a walk down to a shop that sells vintage objects of al

This afternoon I am at Al's Cafe in Elgin after much deliberation as to where I would be eating.  It all started out with the cancellation of an interview I was to do on Salsa dancing.  In my excitement I not only prepared for the interview I ironed a white shirt and some black pants and topped it off with a beautiful silk self-tie bow tie with rainbow stripes.  I am gong to admit that the house looked beautiful and that I truly put some work into receiving the person who was to interview me.  I wish I were better at these things and would not fall into this trap of anger about it.  I did but this time I must say it lasted for a very short time.  First it was that she missed the train and did not see an attendant and then it was that she had no cash and there wasn't an ATM available.  I get weary when the stories change from on to another and suspect that she likely got to the station to late to catch the train to Elgin by where I live.  Either way there is a part two which was

The after Chirstmas rush has certainly started with a bang where at Norstroms a female employee was shot by her former boyfriend only to turn the trigger on himself.  The woman is in critical condition and the male is dead.  Norstroms decided to close the store for the day sighting that it's employees need time to grieve and to get over the shock of this incident.  The news lady stated that It was Norstroms thinkng about people before profits.  I have to agree.  I think it would have looked terrible on the part of the store to stay open and expect their employees to work productively after such a horrific ordeal. This situation reminds me of the terrible stress that the holidays bring on to us and how much is going on out there in the same vain that we don't know about.  People feeling helpless because they can't afford to buy their chidren a toy for Chirstmas or because they feel lonely and alone.  Some taking desperate measures like this man did at Norstroms who shot hi

Yesterday was quite the Thanksgiving day for me and for my family.  Everyone in the family brought a dish and our family rented a space to accomodate all the family members.  There was not only turkey there was a huge amoung of other foods like: potato salad, salad, mashed potatoes, rice, sweet potatoes, cranberry slices and all types of pies for dessert.  There was a richness of food beyond belief but more than anything there was a richeness of love.  Some of the guests were from New York and others from Florida.  There must have been at least 50 family members and one friend "who had no where to go".  In our family no one gets turned down. For me the most interesting thing about this party is that the persons having the party are my x-wife's brother and his wife.  For them to include me is truly a blessing to me and for many I have shared this with, highly unusual.  My x-wife is my friend to this day and w have been divorced for about 30 years.  It is amazing to me th

Now it's what is referred to as Black Friday and allegedly this is the busiest shopping day before Christmas.  The fact is that I won't be one of the many people out there shopping.  In fact I am purposely not straying away from home at all and this year our family has agreed: NO gifts for adults.  That leaves two children who will receive a gift: one 13 and the other 5, my granddaughters.  It is such a relief not to have to worry about spending a lot of money when in fact it is not neccessary and does nothing to add to the spirit or the meaning of the holidays.  There may be an argument that the gift giving takes away from the meaning of Christmas and takes the focus away from what it really means: Love and God's birth. Every year we have tried as a family to develope and different approach to the holidays and thank goodness this year we have accomplished an agreement.  I myself am going to take some of my spending and make a contribution to a nearby homeless day shelter

I am unsure as to why Taylor's hit song "Shake It Off" is so catchy and fun to me.  I happen to love it and I especially love the meaning of it.  I likely should not admit it since I am after all a sixty year old man but when I heard it the first time I downloaded it to my iPhone and thought: "this song is going to be a big hit".  In fact I shared it with my granddaughter who shared that she was just not a fan of hers.  Then a few days later I go into Molly's Cupcakes to have some coffee and my favorite cupcake with chocolate and peanut butter and there it is again playing at the cafe as the workers sing along to it. and I shake to it in my seat. Somehow that song has a deeper meaning for me than some of the others out now because of what is going on in my life.  A pending divorce, a health opportunity and what I can imagine people might be saying about all of it.  Not only what others are saying but also how I feel and how I need to "shake it off&quo

As we speak I have my outfit ready on the bed for my later use.  Today I will spend my Thanksgiving with my children, their mother at her brothers home in the city.  I can feel the cold outside and I am not looking forward to it.  I feel thankful that this family is still one who embraces me even though I am not married to their sister.  I am thankful for these people who still love me and have this amazing compassion for me.  As I prepare mentally for this day I get to look closer at the reasons why I should be in a place of joy and love for myself.  It has become more and more important to me to see each day as a beginning and to be thanksful every day, not just today because it is Thanksgiving. There is a long list of reasons why I am grateful and I could list them but most of all I want to say that I am grateful for being alive in spite of an illness that has tried to take me more than once.  It has been ten years since the beginning of my journey when they found the pollips and

This evening I started to look through the holiday decorations.  There was an immediate sense of sadness but I pushed on and opened a box here and there.  I found some of my favorite decorations and some that brought back memories of the past, things that need to be placed away and let go.  I did not think that the first Christmas celebration here in this home would be both light and dark, yet I accept it because it is as Source wanted it to be.  I am alone and I am going to learn to celebrate the holidays as well as to celebrate my life.  What is has to be enough and although it may not be as joyful as it could have been I know that there will be light and laughter in this home on Christmas eve when my family is coming to share in the festivities.   As I brought up things little by little the house is starting to look like Chirstmas.  There are ornaments inside a bowl that was once empty and there are a few stockings hung up, two in the kid's room with some white lights thrown

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I am so happy to have been invited to my brother in laws home for a grand Turkey dinner and lot of the foods we all love to eat, many of them traditional to my Latino culture.  Everything is usually home made and everything is more delicious than the next.  Everyone puts their hearts into making their special dish, the one they are known for and the one the family asks for each year.  This year I am not getting to bum it like I have in the past and was asked to bring a veggie or cheese plate.  It just occured to me that I better get the the store now and get the ingredients for it or if I get lazy just order it from Walmart or Jewel.  It did not help that I had my days mixed up and thought that today was Tuesday.  I am expected there tomorrow at four o'clock sharp. When I think of what I am thankful for the first thing that rises up is the fact that I am alive and that I have survived the health opportunity and most of the therapy, all be it with all

As I continue to discuss my own experience with marriage I continue to share the exprience with the woman that I was married to.  This was for me one of the most sacred of love I have experienced and within that connection to a woman I realized a feminine energy that embraced me.  A goddess energy that has a power that felt nurturing in a natural and organic manner.  Even before I was married I recall looking at this energy in women like my grandmother and my great grandmother.  I saw something distinctly different about women, even in the simply acts like the way they smiled or the manner in which they walked and dressed.  I admired them never wanting to be a woman which I think is another feeling that perhaps some gay men have.  I never did.  I saw and I see women in their uniqueness and I have often felt their energy of compassion and honesty of heart.  I have always felt them coming to me with their heart whereas with men I did not feel the same feelings.  In fact I still don't

I must admit that once I get to a certain number of words my blog site seems to go crazy and suddenly the page begins to jump around as if possessed.  With that said I am going to continue my blog about marriage, my experience.  First with a woman. As I was saying love was given without tallying or taking score and without conditions.  The longer we were married the more it felt as though nothing could change that strong feeling of committment.  The years turned so quickly and before we knew it we had our first child.  I recall being in that operating room where she had a C section because the "baby is in fetal distress".  Then it became more ofa priority to be present for our child and it added even more of a committment to each other in part for our beautiful little girl.  We ended up having our second child after five more years but unfortunately at that time my heart was not in the relaitonship but rather in thoughts of my honesty to myself as a gay man.  It was for me

I might be the last person you would want to hear talk about marriage again yet I feel more compelled than before to talk about this sometimes touchy subject.  Having been married twice both times for about ten years to a female and then a male I think one might guess I have had some experience around this subject of relationship called marriage.  A lot has changed about me since I was married at nineteen and then again at fifty.  I have survived the ups and downs of marriage to two  people who could not possibly been more different.  Each experience is different and each experience  has been a lesson, at times not so good and at times wonderfully joyful, but what stands out the most for me is the differenced between a male with a male and a female with a male, my own situation with a woman and then a man.  I will warn everyone now that I believe there is a big difference and my experience alone is what I can go by and share with all of you.  I would also add that for me sexuality even

I would like to extend this idea that self-pity kills and that the way it kills is much like stabbing ourselves with a knife and then wondering why we bleed.  Self-pity is a sure way to self destruct and to ensure that we are in our own form of a prison, rendering us disfunctional or more accurately not able to function and show up for ourselves or others or situations.  Self-pity loves darkness and darkness is like a demonizing force that we invite to our lives by feeling sorry for ourselves. I was talking to a 95 year old woman today and I talked a little about my former relationship and how his or her idea of advice was a "suck it up" approach as I  call it.  It may be that there were times wheen I was inviting this reaction because I was feeling so dam sorry for me but I want to say that this is a cruel and unkind way to address someone who is already down on themselves.  Nothing helps less than to actually make the person feel worse about their own sadness or their own

I have been thinking about this notion that we talk about so many times, the notion of"finding ourself".  What exactly does this mean?  Why would any person need to find themself?  How did they get lost in the first place?  What is it that the person lose exactly?  We hear this from so many people, espcially more likely in women.  They get lost in their children and being a mom or being a wife and at times being a grandmother. I think that the loss of oneself happens most frequently when we are in a long term relationship or we have been a parent for a long time or when we work in a company for a long period of time.  THe relaitonship, the job, the children or something outside ourself becomes more important than we are.  Our energy gets exhausted in being a great soccer mom or a dad that makes so much money as to keep his family in a big home with a big pool.  We could even be the single girl that has the executive job and drive a Mercedes.  We get lost in a job, our child

Today I met with my oncologist after having a full scan of my chest. The results were inconclusive to my understanding because there was not a hundred percent certainty that the nodes that had become larger since the last scan, too small for a biopsy to be completely accurate.  There was talk that it was likely cancer but that at this time best to monitor it and heal from the chemo and raditation already administered before.   The doctor seemed to feel that it woud be best to heal from the effects of the chemo and radiation from before, perhaps build up my immune system.  I left the office with a good friend who'd come with me feeling like it was not terribly bad news and that there is hope.  The nodes are not large enough to biopsy and we will simply keep track of what is going on inside my chest.  In the meantime I feel almost without symtoms, at least not severe ones other than having trouble with the lyphedema which is a swelling of my leg and foot. I am now considered disabl

On Sundays my brother and sometimes his wife come to visit me and nurture me with food.  Today was a great day with beans, chicken and rice wraps that were delicious. Every time my brother comes by he fixes something for me.  My sister in law took the garbage bins to the curb for picking up tomorrow.  Sundays I get excited that I will get a visit from them and that I will spend time with them.  This time my brother took a short nap on the sofa while music played and I caught up with my sister in law.  We talk about everything from the recent politcal move my president Obama to our kids and relationships.  Every time we get together there is no absence of things to talk about and it is an enjoyable and happy time.  This time she drove up on her own and my brother drove up on his own.  I know that for both of them it's a long drive and it's a loving sacrafice.  Something they do out of love for me. Tomorrow is the day that I get a PET scan, a complete scan of my body to ensure

I remember the birth of my first kid and being told at one point that my then wife was "in fetal distress".  I heard the words but I could not comprehend what that meant, but it did not sound like a good thing.  I was immediately worried and my wife at the time looked at me with a stressed facial expression as if to ask what we should do.  The doctor immediately suggested that she have a C section birth and it only took seconds for me to say yes.  It was not until after our daughter was born that I was told what "fetal distress meant" and in this case it meant that the cord was wrapped around her neck thereby making it difficult and maybe impossble to breathe freely.  I was scared and as we entered the operating room I prayed that our child would be born alive.  After witnessing her birth and taking off my scrubs I insisted on seeing my wife and then we both agreed that I should to see the baby.  I no sooner hugged her when I went to the birthing room to see her.  I

If you don't get grief right you will feel incomplete the rest of your life.  We must get through our grief because it means that we can then move on.  If we hold on to grief or we ignore it we are doing ourselves such an injustice.  So many people I have experienced pretend that whatever happens does not effect their emotional body when in fact it does and it can be so serious as to create illness in us.  Grief is addressed differently by people but there is really only one way to address it really which is to look it in the eye and admit that you are feeling it.  It may be that our society feeds us this notion to "fake it till we make it" grief is not one of those things we should fake not feeling.  I believe with all my heart that there are families who not only don't know how to grief they avoid it and conceal it and make it seem like weakness if you are feeling it.  Grief is like sadness and sadness cannot be hidden and stuffed down without consequences.  Stuffin

This holiday my family and I have decided that there will be no gift exchange among any of the adults or adult children.  Only the minor children of which we have only two will receive a gift.  Our goal is to make Christmas about a spiritual experience and a god centered one.  In the past we have had a grab bag for all the adults and each adult would get one gift for the assigned person.  This year we are acutely aware of how commercial Chirstmas can be and how much money is spent in the name of the holidays.  It seems so wasteful when one thinks of the people all over the world that need something basic like a plate of food and the homeless shelters that are in need of a donation of plastic forks or coffee creamer.  It seems like maybe one or two people in the family might be holding back and perhaps unhappy at the decision but I for one am sticking to my guns as they say and if I spend money it will be to donate to a nearby homeless shelter. Our family is a lively family and we are

If you are anthing like me the holidays are already feeling as though they are creepiing up on you and just around the corner.  Most of all we are all thinking about the money we will spend that we don't have.  Some will max out their credit cards to ensure that they get just the right gift for each person on their list and even the perefect gift that will impress.  It's sad how much emphasis there is on the monetary aspects of Chirstmas and so little emphasis on what Chirstmas truly means even if we take the religious aspect out of the equation.  We even have lists of things we want to be given and every year families make lists of the one thing they want versus things they don't want.  It has become so stressful that there are people who opt completely out of it and go on vacation to the Bahamas or check out of the entire ordeal.  Sad as it may seem we live in a society that places more importance on a pretty sweater than they do on a beautiful smile and the love of famil

I love Whoopie Goldberg and all that she represents which is so not what our society considers beautiful or popular.  Here is a woman who with all of her differences and who admits she is not the picutre of beauty who becomes successful beyond what most of us have.  To me she is beautiful in her own right and to me she is an amazing person who has managned to live her life without buying into the stereotypes of what a famous person should do say or be like.  In fact she is such a force that few women can say they have done what she has done.  She has been as stand up comedian, She was on Hollywood Squares (likely the first Black person) and she has been an actree in movies like "The Color Purple" and "Carina Carina" where she plays a maid who ends up in love with a whitle man who had hired her and fell in love with her.  Now she is a lead host in The View and is the only person on a panel of women who dresses out of the box and wears these outfits that one would thi

Starting my day today thinking about what I can do to improve my health in each aspect of it: spiritual, physical and emotional.  I think that what we do the most is distraction like watching TV or texting on our phones.  I will challenge myself to do something today that is more challenging and that requires something more of me than to just sit and be entertained by TV shows like The Chew or Windy City Chicago, even though they are both good shows.  Challenging myself today means doing some things that nurture me like a green smoothie and a light upper body workout.  Later my daughter is coming by with a friend and I would like nothing better than to do something interactive with them like play cards and chat versus watching a movie on Netflix.  So much of my time is spent doing things that have no "nurturing value" (like no nutrition value in certain foods like the coffee and cookies I had this morning). Things that have nurturing value are things that help us to lift ou