On Marriage
I might be the last person you would want to hear talk about marriage again yet I feel more compelled than before to talk about this sometimes touchy subject. Having been married twice both times for about ten years to a female and then a male I think one might guess I have had some experience around this subject of relationship called marriage. A lot has changed about me since I was married at nineteen and then again at fifty. I have survived the ups and downs of marriage to two people who could not possibly been more different. Each experience is different and each experience has been a lesson, at times not so good and at times wonderfully joyful, but what stands out the most for me is the differenced between a male with a male and a female with a male, my own situation with a woman and then a man. I will warn everyone now that I believe there is a big difference and my experience alone is what I can go by and share with all of you. I would also add that for me sexuality eventually has become secondary to a good match with a person who is awake and concious whether male or female.
At about 14 years of age I met the young girl who eventually became my wife. I met her at a party that I accompanied my uncle and cousins to by shear accident. I will never forget looking in the corner of the kitchen when I entered the room and seeing my soon to be wife. My very first thought was "I'm going to marry that girl". Immediately after that I thought myself crazy for that very thought thinking there is something irrational about it, but as it turned out it was not quite so crazy and I ended up marrying her. If someone had told me a story like this one I would have laughted and thought them delusional but since it really happened and it happened to me I know it is after all no laughing matter. Her brother was my cousin's good friend, in fact very good friend. Since they stayed in touch I ended up inside the circle and years later I found myself asking her brother if she was available. This after spending one year at Bowling Green State in Ohio where I was attending college. It was not good news becausee in fact she was seeing someone, but on the upside he was Penticostal and it was not going well with my Catholic girl interest. In fact it seems it was coming to an end likely soon. So as a good boy filled with hormones would do, I moved in on her by making her aware of my pending interest. I am to this day unsure that she left him for me but she did break i off and off to the races we went. Less than a year later I asked her to marry me and we were married at the crazy age of 19 each of us unsure as to what marriage really meant. The day before the wedding my cousins and brother made sure to get me acutely and awfully drunk and managed to keep me up very late. Still I made it to the alter on time in my gray tux awaiting my beautiful bride at the alter with plenty of time to spare.
During the ten years of our relationship my former wife was incredibly loving, patient and compasionate. I could not have asked for a better wife if I had been able to order her. Our lives was full of the joy of dancing and having lovely dinner parties. At times really loud dance parties where everyone was pushed onto the dance floor of our home and no one went home without dancing at least one time. They were days of so much laughter and great food that I will never foget those days and apparently others won't either, still making comments about the wonderful parties and the good times. I think what I remember the most about my marriage was the loyalty and the "I got your back" mentalityl Each of us was always there for the other and each of us protected each other as though we were each others keepers. I was a relationship that felt balanced and where I felt the yin and the yang present at all times. Admittedly it was in many ways a traditonal marriage where it was assumed that I was to be the head of our home and that both her and I would work to have the best life we could have. Over the span of ten years finished college and she finished an associates business degree. We supported each other at every turn and there was no question about who contributed what, we both contributed equally at times and at other times we took on more of the financial expenses, but that never mattered nor was it a bone of contention or even a question. If one had more money then they contributed more. It did not matter who made more or gave more. All the money was pulled together and we just paid things whether for social events or food or rent. It did not matter. We were a team.
Being married to a woman was a good fit for me because I was and am one of those men who need a little more compassion and love. My wife being a woman learned that it was OK to be that person of compassion and to give as much as she needed or had not tallyiig or takng score. She saw a need and she stopped and gave all the love she had in her without censoring it and without any conditions: NONE. She loved me and never asked me to love her because I just did. I served her and she served me. No competition and no scores.
At about 14 years of age I met the young girl who eventually became my wife. I met her at a party that I accompanied my uncle and cousins to by shear accident. I will never forget looking in the corner of the kitchen when I entered the room and seeing my soon to be wife. My very first thought was "I'm going to marry that girl". Immediately after that I thought myself crazy for that very thought thinking there is something irrational about it, but as it turned out it was not quite so crazy and I ended up marrying her. If someone had told me a story like this one I would have laughted and thought them delusional but since it really happened and it happened to me I know it is after all no laughing matter. Her brother was my cousin's good friend, in fact very good friend. Since they stayed in touch I ended up inside the circle and years later I found myself asking her brother if she was available. This after spending one year at Bowling Green State in Ohio where I was attending college. It was not good news becausee in fact she was seeing someone, but on the upside he was Penticostal and it was not going well with my Catholic girl interest. In fact it seems it was coming to an end likely soon. So as a good boy filled with hormones would do, I moved in on her by making her aware of my pending interest. I am to this day unsure that she left him for me but she did break i off and off to the races we went. Less than a year later I asked her to marry me and we were married at the crazy age of 19 each of us unsure as to what marriage really meant. The day before the wedding my cousins and brother made sure to get me acutely and awfully drunk and managed to keep me up very late. Still I made it to the alter on time in my gray tux awaiting my beautiful bride at the alter with plenty of time to spare.
During the ten years of our relationship my former wife was incredibly loving, patient and compasionate. I could not have asked for a better wife if I had been able to order her. Our lives was full of the joy of dancing and having lovely dinner parties. At times really loud dance parties where everyone was pushed onto the dance floor of our home and no one went home without dancing at least one time. They were days of so much laughter and great food that I will never foget those days and apparently others won't either, still making comments about the wonderful parties and the good times. I think what I remember the most about my marriage was the loyalty and the "I got your back" mentalityl Each of us was always there for the other and each of us protected each other as though we were each others keepers. I was a relationship that felt balanced and where I felt the yin and the yang present at all times. Admittedly it was in many ways a traditonal marriage where it was assumed that I was to be the head of our home and that both her and I would work to have the best life we could have. Over the span of ten years finished college and she finished an associates business degree. We supported each other at every turn and there was no question about who contributed what, we both contributed equally at times and at other times we took on more of the financial expenses, but that never mattered nor was it a bone of contention or even a question. If one had more money then they contributed more. It did not matter who made more or gave more. All the money was pulled together and we just paid things whether for social events or food or rent. It did not matter. We were a team.
Being married to a woman was a good fit for me because I was and am one of those men who need a little more compassion and love. My wife being a woman learned that it was OK to be that person of compassion and to give as much as she needed or had not tallyiig or takng score. She saw a need and she stopped and gave all the love she had in her without censoring it and without any conditions: NONE. She loved me and never asked me to love her because I just did. I served her and she served me. No competition and no scores.
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