Validation I Am Now Free
"Your father was sooooo ultra. He was dressed fly , danced fly, instead of some old fart trying to go generation slumming and he was so chill. Everyone should have a parent who's just, well cool as hell (Pardon the oxymoron). He wasn't just with you , he was with IT...."
The above comment was a comment made on FB to my daughter Camille about me. As we headed out to eat after I picked her up at work she read it to me. I wasn't sure what to think but I was almost shocked and saying things like Wow, OMG. I was stunned because I am unsure as to how long it has been since another man put it in words like that. It felt like an honor especially because it came from a young man who seemed to be a light filled gentleman that I had just met. I had to have her read it again because frankly I was in some form of disbelief around it. Maybe my spirit just could not consume it, digest it or take it in. I had to hear it again just to believe it I think. It was something someone who hardly knew me said about me who knew my daughter. It was a powerful statement of how her and I project our energy in public. It is also a powerful statement about me as a person. I needed this young man to say what he said and it validated for me the truth of who I am. I am a light and I am a person who feels young and vibrant at times and who absolutely refuses to just sit in the corner and be what people call "elderly" at sixty. It is a testimant to who I really am and who I censored for years and years and years. The man that I wanted to be for the last ten years who was stuffing every joyful dance inside of himself to make someone or others accept him, make him digetable and like a man who "acts his age". I had become this boring man who stopped hearing the beat and started to become something he was surely not. Stifling his inner soul and allowing others to have a say in how he moved and grooved and had his way with life. Now it feels different to me. Now that I am free of the judgments of others and the hold on myself that I called loving someone and being loyal. Now I get to be Elliott and experience the fullness of the truth of who he is. Elliott is a fly, crazy, youth centered, lively, humurous, friendly and open hearted man. Elliott is that person this young man could see so clearly and was able to describe in a few sentences. He is right. I don't have to pretend to be young or fear looking like an old fart. That man is the man he could see clearly expressing without worry and without a care. The man who is sixty but feels like his is forty. The man who longs to dance and sing out loud. This man who is "with it". With it means that I am present and when this young man saw what others have not I realized that only I can see that man anad be that man and allow myself to be all of who I am.
Going out with my kid was a chance for me to become free of all that stopped me from experiencing my fullness and my truth. Going out one night and being in that energy of abandon brought me to the place of knowing how important it is never to be someone for someone else but rather to be ourselves, always and forever. It reminded me of the joy I missed and that it's not too late to take it back and enjoy every moment no matter how much pain we are in or what we are going through. No matter what the universe sends our way and no matter how many pills we need to take to walk or talk. Having that one person say what he said just verified for me that I am going to be OK whether I live one more week, one more years or ten more years. Living in that moment with that kind of abandon that someone would need to acknowledge it is what life is really about. Someone gave me a voice and then I saw that I have a voice and will always have a voice. Nothing and no one should put a damper on that voice. It is my voice and I have to make every moment count.
I know that this young man was expressing his own inner beauty as a person and as a human being. When he said what he said about me he could see his own inner sixty year in his future. I was a reflection of him in years to come and he a refelction of me years ago. I was thrilled to have made that kind of an impression on a wonderful, vibrant young person. I was happy to be a part of his self expression of love. It will always remind me that I deserve to enjoy every moment of my life with freedom and with all the expression inside of me. We all do.
It is validation that I am finally free. Thank god almighty I am free.
The above comment was a comment made on FB to my daughter Camille about me. As we headed out to eat after I picked her up at work she read it to me. I wasn't sure what to think but I was almost shocked and saying things like Wow, OMG. I was stunned because I am unsure as to how long it has been since another man put it in words like that. It felt like an honor especially because it came from a young man who seemed to be a light filled gentleman that I had just met. I had to have her read it again because frankly I was in some form of disbelief around it. Maybe my spirit just could not consume it, digest it or take it in. I had to hear it again just to believe it I think. It was something someone who hardly knew me said about me who knew my daughter. It was a powerful statement of how her and I project our energy in public. It is also a powerful statement about me as a person. I needed this young man to say what he said and it validated for me the truth of who I am. I am a light and I am a person who feels young and vibrant at times and who absolutely refuses to just sit in the corner and be what people call "elderly" at sixty. It is a testimant to who I really am and who I censored for years and years and years. The man that I wanted to be for the last ten years who was stuffing every joyful dance inside of himself to make someone or others accept him, make him digetable and like a man who "acts his age". I had become this boring man who stopped hearing the beat and started to become something he was surely not. Stifling his inner soul and allowing others to have a say in how he moved and grooved and had his way with life. Now it feels different to me. Now that I am free of the judgments of others and the hold on myself that I called loving someone and being loyal. Now I get to be Elliott and experience the fullness of the truth of who he is. Elliott is a fly, crazy, youth centered, lively, humurous, friendly and open hearted man. Elliott is that person this young man could see so clearly and was able to describe in a few sentences. He is right. I don't have to pretend to be young or fear looking like an old fart. That man is the man he could see clearly expressing without worry and without a care. The man who is sixty but feels like his is forty. The man who longs to dance and sing out loud. This man who is "with it". With it means that I am present and when this young man saw what others have not I realized that only I can see that man anad be that man and allow myself to be all of who I am.
Going out with my kid was a chance for me to become free of all that stopped me from experiencing my fullness and my truth. Going out one night and being in that energy of abandon brought me to the place of knowing how important it is never to be someone for someone else but rather to be ourselves, always and forever. It reminded me of the joy I missed and that it's not too late to take it back and enjoy every moment no matter how much pain we are in or what we are going through. No matter what the universe sends our way and no matter how many pills we need to take to walk or talk. Having that one person say what he said just verified for me that I am going to be OK whether I live one more week, one more years or ten more years. Living in that moment with that kind of abandon that someone would need to acknowledge it is what life is really about. Someone gave me a voice and then I saw that I have a voice and will always have a voice. Nothing and no one should put a damper on that voice. It is my voice and I have to make every moment count.
I know that this young man was expressing his own inner beauty as a person and as a human being. When he said what he said about me he could see his own inner sixty year in his future. I was a reflection of him in years to come and he a refelction of me years ago. I was thrilled to have made that kind of an impression on a wonderful, vibrant young person. I was happy to be a part of his self expression of love. It will always remind me that I deserve to enjoy every moment of my life with freedom and with all the expression inside of me. We all do.
It is validation that I am finally free. Thank god almighty I am free.
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