Today is the Day
It is grander than grand to be in a place where one is fighting a battle and yet most times uneffected by what is fact. I am feeling like this fight is not just mine, it is the fight for every person with cancer and specifically for my two female friends who are there fighting right next to me. I see and feel their fight like it is my fight and their pain like it's mine too. I feel so deeply touched by their battle and their journey of love and of concerns. I too have those similar concerns and they are lifted up because we are not alone, we are one. I love these women because the have shown me more of who I am and more of what I can be by setting the example. Not laying down and becoming stagnant but rather standing up and being counted and heard. I love these women because they birth me and they have birthed others into knowing that we can be born again even when we are physically considered flawed. They get me walking when I feel like my legs are so stiff I am uncertain of my footing.
Tomorrow my sister comes for her usual Wednesday visit. She walks in with a feast of food. Last week it was ribs, chicken, rice, potatoes, spinach, soup and other wonderful ingredients. This week I feel like a child awaiting my Christmas gift. I feel like a little boy getting excited that his mommy will be home soon to take care of him, nurture him and love him. Nothing is more wonderful than to have a sibling who is loving in a practical way. She feeds me physically but also emtionally. I feel so loved it is hard to express in words alone. I think when we feed someone we are truly saying something loving without words. I feel so honored and blessed.
Today I went to find my Chirstmas decorations and as I shared with my pastor I wanted them to match the decor in the family room which is mainly aqua and sand colored. I found fifty ornaments for only seventeen dollars and although I did not get the tree I found one that is made of only white branches with white lights attached to it. It looks modern and at the same time traditional and frankly less messy. I already know exactly where it will be placed behind one of the two love seats between the kitchen and family room. It will fit perfectly there as it's only seven feet tall and there is an arch there about eight feet tall. The white branches will shoot up from behind a white slip covered sofa. Then I decided to tie each ornament with a ribbon bow, each one individually knotted. I tell my sister that I am an intentionaly bitch and she is like me. I do things with intention, even the holiday decor. All of this to symbolize my intention to live and to live fully rather than to see the glass half empty. All of this Christmas decor is not just for me but for my family who I love very much but admittedly maybe a little more for me than for anyone else. I was telling my pastor that I will sit and gaze at the tree once it's completed just like I use to do as a little boy when my grandmother had the aluminum tree with the color wheel. The fact that Christmas means something to me is rather odd in a way but the truth is that it does and I am really glad that it still does.
My journey is intentional. My journey has boundaries and goals and dreams. My journey is as long as it gets to be and as long as it is meant to be. My journey is about seeing that reason to live. That reason that I am alive. Because I am meant to be.
Elliott Collazo Gonzalez
Tomorrow my sister comes for her usual Wednesday visit. She walks in with a feast of food. Last week it was ribs, chicken, rice, potatoes, spinach, soup and other wonderful ingredients. This week I feel like a child awaiting my Christmas gift. I feel like a little boy getting excited that his mommy will be home soon to take care of him, nurture him and love him. Nothing is more wonderful than to have a sibling who is loving in a practical way. She feeds me physically but also emtionally. I feel so loved it is hard to express in words alone. I think when we feed someone we are truly saying something loving without words. I feel so honored and blessed.
Today I went to find my Chirstmas decorations and as I shared with my pastor I wanted them to match the decor in the family room which is mainly aqua and sand colored. I found fifty ornaments for only seventeen dollars and although I did not get the tree I found one that is made of only white branches with white lights attached to it. It looks modern and at the same time traditional and frankly less messy. I already know exactly where it will be placed behind one of the two love seats between the kitchen and family room. It will fit perfectly there as it's only seven feet tall and there is an arch there about eight feet tall. The white branches will shoot up from behind a white slip covered sofa. Then I decided to tie each ornament with a ribbon bow, each one individually knotted. I tell my sister that I am an intentionaly bitch and she is like me. I do things with intention, even the holiday decor. All of this to symbolize my intention to live and to live fully rather than to see the glass half empty. All of this Christmas decor is not just for me but for my family who I love very much but admittedly maybe a little more for me than for anyone else. I was telling my pastor that I will sit and gaze at the tree once it's completed just like I use to do as a little boy when my grandmother had the aluminum tree with the color wheel. The fact that Christmas means something to me is rather odd in a way but the truth is that it does and I am really glad that it still does.
My journey is intentional. My journey has boundaries and goals and dreams. My journey is as long as it gets to be and as long as it is meant to be. My journey is about seeing that reason to live. That reason that I am alive. Because I am meant to be.
Elliott Collazo Gonzalez
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