Finding Yourself
I have been thinking about this notion that we talk about so many times, the notion of"finding ourself". What exactly does this mean? Why would any person need to find themself? How did they get lost in the first place? What is it that the person lose exactly? We hear this from so many people, espcially more likely in women. They get lost in their children and being a mom or being a wife and at times being a grandmother.
I think that the loss of oneself happens most frequently when we are in a long term relationship or we have been a parent for a long time or when we work in a company for a long period of time. THe relaitonship, the job, the children or something outside ourself becomes more important than we are. Our energy gets exhausted in being a great soccer mom or a dad that makes so much money as to keep his family in a big home with a big pool. We could even be the single girl that has the executive job and drive a Mercedes. We get lost in a job, our children or our partner and this causes a feeling of losing ourselves and ignoring our own needs. Not only do we forget who we are we literally make ourselves last at everything and for everything. Finding ourselves becomes our concern after we realize how unhappy we are and how just a job, being a parent or having a marriage is not enough.
It seems like losing ourselves is relatively easy and really common. It is such a common complaint we hear from others who are parents and have dedicated their lives to their kids suddenly waking up one day when all the children have become adults and left home. Now not knowing what to do or what direction to go in because for so long the focus was on someone else and something else.like being a parent, being a CEO or being a wife or husband. Once we spend all that energy in being something other than just who we are and placing all that emphasis on things and people other than ourselves we lose our inner self which is our spirit, the deepest part of who we are.
So how to do we find ourselves? How do we get back the person we are inside? How do we get our spirit back and become our own person? We start with intention and that intention is to spend more time alone and more time doing things we want to do for our own happiness. That could be sewing, taking a yoga class or writing a book. It could mean that we apply for a part time job or we nurture a friendship by inviting him or her to see a movie. It really is about placing the emphasis on ourselves and taking it off of someone or something else.
Oddly enough to some making others the focus is like an addiction. It is us becoming obsessed with what our kids are doing or what we need to do at work to be the best at what we do, even being the best mom and doing everything perfectly aligned with getting others approval and even getting that honorary diploma for being the greatest dad. It is easier to concentrate on other people when our own lives are not fullfilling or we feel like there is something missing for us.
I have seen so many people focusing on work especially. Since my own retirement and my more whole life I have reaized just how addictive work is and just how much we identify with a JOB and a status. We especially identify with our jobs when we make a lot of money or we have a status job like lawyer or doctor. We get lost in that JOB and it becomes everything to us, many times taking priority over our family and children.
Now we are in an era where more and more of us see how addicted we are to work or to a role like "soccer mom" or "best dad". We get stuck in this notion that being really successful at something means we are whole yet what happens is just the opposite. We begin to feel incomplete and as though we would like to have some time of our own. There are a lot of people like this who eventually find themselves unhappy and incomplete because the notion of living for someone else becomes an isssue and we soon realize we are lost in the notion of something less than fulfilling. We wake up one day and we see that it is imperative that we be who we are and that we find our own joy. When we do we suddenly become a better partner, worker and parent.
I think that the loss of oneself happens most frequently when we are in a long term relationship or we have been a parent for a long time or when we work in a company for a long period of time. THe relaitonship, the job, the children or something outside ourself becomes more important than we are. Our energy gets exhausted in being a great soccer mom or a dad that makes so much money as to keep his family in a big home with a big pool. We could even be the single girl that has the executive job and drive a Mercedes. We get lost in a job, our children or our partner and this causes a feeling of losing ourselves and ignoring our own needs. Not only do we forget who we are we literally make ourselves last at everything and for everything. Finding ourselves becomes our concern after we realize how unhappy we are and how just a job, being a parent or having a marriage is not enough.
It seems like losing ourselves is relatively easy and really common. It is such a common complaint we hear from others who are parents and have dedicated their lives to their kids suddenly waking up one day when all the children have become adults and left home. Now not knowing what to do or what direction to go in because for so long the focus was on someone else and something else.like being a parent, being a CEO or being a wife or husband. Once we spend all that energy in being something other than just who we are and placing all that emphasis on things and people other than ourselves we lose our inner self which is our spirit, the deepest part of who we are.
So how to do we find ourselves? How do we get back the person we are inside? How do we get our spirit back and become our own person? We start with intention and that intention is to spend more time alone and more time doing things we want to do for our own happiness. That could be sewing, taking a yoga class or writing a book. It could mean that we apply for a part time job or we nurture a friendship by inviting him or her to see a movie. It really is about placing the emphasis on ourselves and taking it off of someone or something else.
Oddly enough to some making others the focus is like an addiction. It is us becoming obsessed with what our kids are doing or what we need to do at work to be the best at what we do, even being the best mom and doing everything perfectly aligned with getting others approval and even getting that honorary diploma for being the greatest dad. It is easier to concentrate on other people when our own lives are not fullfilling or we feel like there is something missing for us.
I have seen so many people focusing on work especially. Since my own retirement and my more whole life I have reaized just how addictive work is and just how much we identify with a JOB and a status. We especially identify with our jobs when we make a lot of money or we have a status job like lawyer or doctor. We get lost in that JOB and it becomes everything to us, many times taking priority over our family and children.
Now we are in an era where more and more of us see how addicted we are to work or to a role like "soccer mom" or "best dad". We get stuck in this notion that being really successful at something means we are whole yet what happens is just the opposite. We begin to feel incomplete and as though we would like to have some time of our own. There are a lot of people like this who eventually find themselves unhappy and incomplete because the notion of living for someone else becomes an isssue and we soon realize we are lost in the notion of something less than fulfilling. We wake up one day and we see that it is imperative that we be who we are and that we find our own joy. When we do we suddenly become a better partner, worker and parent.
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