Wednesdays

Every Wednesday my sister comes over to visit me in Pingree Grove near Elgin and with her comes a banquet of food.  Beef stew, beans, rice, linguini, meat balls, potatoes, red pepper, pesto and more.  I look forward to her visits and the food is spectcular to put it mildly.  It is impeccable.  The mixtures of flavors and textures make me soar like an eagle.  After eating her food I feel completely nourished and loved beyond description.  Wednesdays are a day of grand food and leisurely times.  We have a dessert and maybe some coffee and then retire to the living area for a good movie.  This time a Woody Allen movie but not directed by him.  Set in New York it reminds me of the good times I had there so many times in my youth.  For us food is love and love is feeding someone.  For my sister who places a lot of love in her cooking and in her food it is a magical experience and an adventure.

Earlier today I was chatting with a friend on the phone and she shared her life of struggle with me, partly about being too old to get hired for a job and partially sharing how she would like for her children and her to all have their own place to live.  It seems that living with her adult children has been great but now it's time to move on.  I did everything I could to remind her of how lucky we both are and after sharing that my cancer had spread she quickly went into another subject.  It seemed as though she was ready to shed her shell and grow into a new one.  She seemed so in contrast to my sister who was vibrant and laughing the whole time and who gets great  pleasure from every little thing around her.  Not just in contrast to her but in contrast to many.

This is a time in my life when gratitude is important, more important than anything else.  This is a time in my life when living in the moment is everything to me.  a time in my life when I cannot bear listeniing to too much darkness and doom and gloom.  A time when I need to be in my center and love place of being.  I still feel compassion yet like the young man at the Best Buy I prefer to see the glass half full rather than partially empty.  I have compassion for the lost souls around me but not the patience to be dragged into their webb of pity.  In fact I just simply refuse to particpate in any of it.  I live my life on a daily basis doing whatever will take me through the day in the best way possible with the best ingredients as possible, doing all that is possible.  Then releasing it all to a higher being and asking him or her how it is I can collaborate.

Every Wednesday is a chance to spend quality time with my lovely sister who is not just kind but is quite funny.  I think she could make me laugh before she gets the entire sentence out of her mouth and about the silliest subjects possible.  So on Wednesdays I eat and I laugh and I laugh and then I eat some more.  I go from a roast with eggs and rice to spagettti with meat balls.  It is an amazin journey I take with my sister who when we were younger I never thought would even like me this much least of all love me this much.  I remember the blue velvet dresses and the patent shoes that she wore as a chilld and now she is making me meals that make my sould more gentle and kind, and my spirit more spicy and happy.  I remember when I use to think that she was much too pretty to be my friend and now she is my very best friend.  I recall a time when her hair had not one imperfaction and now it is all gray yet it looks as beautiful as it did then just in a different time and space.  Now she makes every week special for me with a banquet of food and a baquet of love.

I am more nspired today than others.  Today I think about what it is to be special to someone who loves me unconditionally and who would sing for me when I am ready to die.  Today I thank Goddess for the little wonderful things of life.  As sister, a friend and gratitude.

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