Coach Elliott

These are four ways to put a stop to procrastination before it takes over your dreams:  Address the negative self-talk/feelings : Asking yourself why you are procrastinating is at the core of resolving it.  Is it fear of failure or could it be that you are overextended?  Whatever the feeling is that you know is in the way of accomplishing something you know you should do or want to do be honest about it and address it by talking yourself out of it or by seeking the help you feel you need.  The only way to address the feelings is by admitting to them.  Just knowing what is keeping you down can be helpful and healing. Examine your habits: Bad and addictive habits can be the reason you have not sprung into action sooner.  Even a mild habit like watching too much TV can be the culprit to your procrastinating.  We are creatures of habits and in some cases bad habits.  We find ways to avoid doing what we know we should do and remarkably for many years.  The only way to stop the procra

There are literally hundreds of things men can do to be sexy.  In one study women sighted that a man's way of  licking his lips is sexy.  Having worked mainly with woman in my coaching work I have heard a number of things that they women have shared are alluring and sexy in men.  Here are some ideas for my amigos out there looking to not just be pleased by their lady but also to please her: 1.  Do some housework in an apron:  Yes, the key element here is the apron.  If it is her apron that would work but maybe consider a new cool one that says something witty.  There are a lot of colors but think about the one she likes on you and get that one.  Women have shared that a man doing housework is sexy and if you just happen to lose the shirt even better. 2.  Wear sexy new underwear: Jump right out of the shower and into some knit boxer briefs in her fave color or a pattern that is cool.  The trick here is to look casual as if you'd not intended to look all enticing.  Go ahead

Although it may be obvious to some ending abuse against women likes in large part with men.  While it is usually men who abuse a woman and even end up killing them, men who are standing by doing nothing must begin to take on some responsibility and stand up for women's causes, not just when they are being abused but all the time.  I may get some backlash for saying it but as a man I feel badly that other men are doing the kinds of things against women that have become so large that we now have a commercial on TV where people are saying "enough".  I have felt like it was enough when my mother was being abused by my dad.  I knew it was enough when my wife's best friend was beat up by her boyfriend forty years ago.  I feel as though I knew it was enough many years ago and although I have attempted to volunteer in a woman's shelter I have not been met with much zest.  I totally understand why and yet in my heart I know that the solution is in us as men.  We are the on

These days my response to people who introduce me to their spouse is "I am happily single".  I try to let others know that not only can a single man of 62 be happy, he can be very happy.  Of course there are ways that one can cultivate ones own relationship with yourself and these are some of them: 1. Go out alone:  Don't be afraid to do things by yourself.  When you are single there will be times when no one is available to go out with and so one has to get use to going it alone.  Go out to dinner alone, go to the movies, check out the latest art exhibit at the Art Institute and take advantage of the free stuff in Universities near you.  Going out alone can be just as fun as being with friends and after a while you will find that there are times you would rather be alone.  I for one have taken most of my vacations solo and had a complete blast. 2. Love yourself and your body:  When we are single it is an ideal situation for working out and exercising your body.  By

Men often time scare women immediately simply because they get too excited too soon and too fast.  What men often forget is that the woman species is much more beautiful than the bird species where often times males are prettier and fancier.  Women do not like pretty men who are into them selves and often times have shared that a man they met was "too pretty".  Other women have become irritated by men who just do not know what it means to be a gentleman least of all be one.  Men forget that women think with their heads and hearts while men often times are led by physical urges some might admit, "their penis".  Steve Harvey is one of the few men who have it right and that is to "think like a woman".  Here are some sure ways to score whether it is a second date or an eventual relationship that is healthy: 1. Be a gentleman-walk behind her:  2. Be a friend  3. Be interested not interesting  4. Be authentic  5. Be Slow Intentional with purpose For some

I depend on my daughters to give me my occasional reality check.  Often times I will tell a joke and they will laugh but when it's not funny they look me straight in the eye and say something like: "Dad, not that funny" as they do the cut the neck signal.  There is nothing superficial about our relationship, at least not most of the time.  Yet what I know about myself is that there was a time when I was all about being on the surface, not going too deep and looking in the mirror too many times before I left for the party.  There was even a time when I lived on LSD and drove a Mercedes then a BMW because at the time nothing was as important as my image.  Superficial?  Oh, you think so?  Yet for me it was these experiences that have taught me that nothing is more powerful than living an authentic life and surrounding myself with real friends.  Still faulty friends are everywhere and superficial people are likely in the majority. We are human and we are driven by our ego

I think that many of us are living in an illusion about friendship and what that truly means.  We often times confuse people we spend time with or work with as friends when in fact they are anything but.  In fact we can know people for years and never break through the line that crosses from just knowing them and actually having an emotionally intimate relationship with them. Knowing the difference between an acquaintance and a friend helps us to avoid feelings of abandonment and feelings of hurt. In the end we cannot be friends with everyone and here's why: 1.  Emotional Intimacy: When there is not emotional intimacy or connection there is not true friendship.  Friends share deep emotions not just joyful and happy go lucky times together.  Friends feel love for one another and they have emotion behind those feelings of love.  When relationships between two people lack intimacy: closeness, then it is truly disconnected and likely not someone who is a friend.  Emotion and people

Although it may seem like everyone else is happier than you are the fact is that all of us experience the blues.  Today I had a dream about my 7 year old granddaughter and in the dream we were in my car headed to meet her mom and dad at a restaurant.  Just when I arrived at the strip mall where it was located she decided to open the door and got out of the car claiming she would walk the rest of the way.  That is where the nightmare started because now for some reason I could not find the place, my daughter and son in law or her.  As I struggled with the fact that someone could have taken her I became completely undone.  Flashes passed through my mind about how her parents would be devastated and I would surely not be able to explain this in a way where I'd not be in deep trouble.  Suddenly I woke up feeling a deep sadness.  I knew that this dream had shifted my feeling in a way that needed attention: what I call an application of love; which leads me to how to get rid of those fee

I have learned as the years of my life have added up that a true friend is hard to find.  I have also understood that some people have a difficult time being authentic and loyal.  For many their word is not their contract in life and what I understand to be my truth is that I cannot allow anyone to be in my life that is not in touch with their emotional self and hence unable to be a valuable friend, not just to me but to anyone.  This world is filled with humans who live on the surface and fearful of commitment because they feel as though it is too much work to show up for others, especially outside their immediate family.  We all have family members and friends who cannot or are not willing to make the time for us or who are unwilling to make the effort.  For this very reason it is good to evaluate the five important aspects of true friendship and a truly good friend and these are those traits of a true friend: 1.  A real friends takes the time, makes the time and is willing to make

People often ask me how I "stay young".  When others guess my age they usually guess at about ten years younger than I am.  One day while at the beach with my grandkids one of them addressed me as grandpa.  A man a few feet away looked over at us and smiled.  Once again they addressed me when suddenly he got up from his place at the beach and said: "Excuse me, I hope you don't think this strange but did I hear them call you grandpa?"  He could not believe I was their grandparent and assumed I was the dad.  On another more strange situation I went to the bank with my daughter and the teller thought her to be my wife.  I was mortified of course and so was my daughter.  Although I have been blessed I never take it for granted.  I know that I have lived my life in a rather intentional manner and I also know that these intentions helped me to stay looking better, getting through the rough times and feeling pretty good.  Here are my "secrets": 1. Never use

I am not sure about anyone else but I am sure that life is not always the way  we would like it to be and things happen that are not in our control.  As I have become more seasoned at sixty two years young what I know for sure is that life had dark and light parts and that if we can stay present it is possible to be happy.  At the core of living life is knowing that time passes quite quickly and that making the most of it is truly imperative. Here are the five things about life: 1.  Life is not always fair:  The reality is that life is sometimes not fair.  People will treat us poorly and walk away and we will meet people who seem not to have a heart for anything or for us.  We will see injustice and we may experience it at the hands of people we think we could trust.  We will be betrayed and name called.  We will be labeled and feel pain, at times brought on to us by someone who was suppose to love us.  It would be beautiful to think that we will live our entire life without somet

It is difficult for me to feel any compassion for a privileged white, blond, blue eyed boy from a wealthy family who killed a couple for sport.  As if this were not enough the woman who was killed was pregnant and this teenager knew this.  At the side of her husband on the rug there was a heart and a letter U representing the very last thing she felt for him: "Love You".  I cannot help but to think that as a man of color, men of color are much too often assumed to be capable of doing bad things while on the other hand a boy like David who killed this couple in order to feel what that would be like is not a person who would be suspected of doing bad.  In reality what we know is that killers come in all shapes, sizes and ethnicity's and that serial killers are usually not men of color but in fact white men.  But that is only a part of the purpose and intention inside of me for the people reading this blog.  What I have to share goes much deeper than race even if this case b

I will never forget when my pastor at UCC decided to hold a book club after service on Sundays.  The book that we read was all about grace and the idea that either some of us deserve grace while others do not.  Almost immediately I was moved by this idea that some people deserve God's grace while others may not because of something they did that was so sinful, like killing another human being.  As we navigated through this book the pastor shared that he believed that every single person deserved God's grace.  At the point in which he shared his belief I was a little stunned and asked myself: "Does a rapist in jail deserve God's grace?"  "Does a child molested deserve God's grace?"  I honestly could not wrap my mind around it at first but the more I read and most of all the more I thought about it I eventually decided that everyone deserves god's grace or no one does.  I understood in that moment and time that if God only picked the perfectly good

I believe that we all need to hear it more often and say it more often.  We are a gift.  I am a gift.  You are a gift.  Everyone is a gift.  There are many good reasons that we are a gift and although at one time I was not as comfortable owning my own gifts and as self assured as I am now.  For many of us it has taken years and years to understand that we are a gift and that we have value.   For some of us we are still trying to understand just how wonderful and magical we are. In case you've not come up with some affirmation let me share some food for thought:  You were born a gift:  The very first thing we must know is that we were in fact born a gift.  The very fact that we were born is a miracle and enough to qualify as a human being that is blessed.  Our ten fingers, our ten toes and all of who we are is perfect and special.  Every single person who is born with a breath and heart is living proof of what a wonderful human being we are.  I always smile when people say,

I have found that throughout my life there have been some times when being happy is harder some days than others.  As part of my studies at USM in Spiritual Psychology I've learned some techniques to help others find their happiness and get my own joy as well.  Here are some ways you too can get that joy you deserve back: 1.  Fake it until it is true: We have all heard the term "fake it till you make it".  Well quests what, there is some truth to this idea of smiling and being cheerful in the moment with every person you come into contact with and everywhere you are.  The unconscious mind eventually believes that you are happy and will many times go to that happy place where your imagination is taking it.  Faking it until you make it is just a start but if you think about it, it's a great start. 2.  Move it out: If you are feeling down do something as soon as possible that requires movement like going to the gym to do a 30 minute workout.  No matter how you feel

Brian Crum was on America's Got Talent, a show that is about discovering talent of every kind.  Somehow I ended up watching the show when this incredible singer sang an old song "Creep" which is about being different in a world where different is not always embraced. His mother shares her pain around the way her son Brian was bullied a lot in school because of being gay.  She made a statement that made me cry which was "all I could do for him was fall on my knees and pray".  In spite of the experience as a child he turned out to be a "breath taking" singer who the world now knows of.  He has already made a few music videos, some of which are duets.  He is evidence that any one of us can rise up from the darkness that life serves us and that being different does not have to be a bad thing. As a Latino male I had my own share of bullying and snide remarks by ignorant people from the time I was very young.  The inquisitive look on people's faces whe

I know and others that know me know that I have undergone a hell of a lot in my life.  I could go on and on abut it but what I know is that my past is my past and that this is a new day.  Every day that I live I know it is meant for me to be here.  Even the fact that my former wife and good friend died before me is a clear message that I am suppose to be here.  After all I knew that I would die before her but that was not to be the truth of my life.  At the core of every moment that I live fully is one very sharp truth about me: I refuse to give up.  I will never give up as long as I have a breath in my body.  There you have it. I believe that not giving up is at the center of our living a life that is full and joyous.  I think that making that one decision not to give in is at the very heart of why many people live longer and many others survive things they never thought they would.  I know this truth and there are many others who do as well.  What we think we would not be able to o

Are you a hopeless romantic?  I am, for sure.  I don't mind admitting it either.  When I was married I always often wrote poems to my wife.  I have always been a fan of romantic boleros and I live for candles and a bubble bath.  One might say that I am the ideal husband and in truth there is something to be said about that, although these days I am happily single.  For me romance was not a difficult concept to understand.  I was raised in a romantic home with my grandparents whose love I could almost cut with a knife because it was so obvious and intense.  Romance is not something we can fake, at least not for very long.  Someone is either a hopeless romantic or they are not.  It is either natural or it is just not there. People who are romantic have some truly identifying qualities about them.  A romantic person is a person who: Loves with all their heart: This may seem logical but not everyone loves with everything in them.  There is so little intensity where love is involve

I feel as though there are more than five dating rules but this is certainly a very good start.  I don't claim to be the expert in dating and what it good and not so good but I certainly qualify in life and experiences.  Now that I am 62 I have a little more under my belt than before and although I am not dating I am making lots of new friends which takes a certain amount of savvy.  Let's just be honest.  Many of us struggle with the do's and don't's of dating and it is nothing to be ashamed of so with all that out there let's talk about the five dating rules I think would be helpful: 1.  No sex for at least ninety days: Please don't have sex right away.  It just fogs things up and is really not appropriate to do, period.  Have an agreement that there will be no sex for at least a few months.  I would like to say six months is the best time span to wait to have sex.  Intimacy like sex should be reserved for someone you get to know for a time and know you

I have blogged on this subject of making a house a home.  I think that it is imperative that every person create a living space that resonates as loving and a place where they like to spend time, alone and with others.  I admit that it saddens me to see how many people live in a house that does not resemble a home and in fact is a dysfunctional and chaotic space, one that they have not intention of caring for.  I also believe that a living space reflects the person who lives inside of it.  A confused person is likely to live in a space that is cluttered and disorganized for example while a person who is acutely depressed may live in a house that is very dirty and lacking any real ongoing care.  Whatever the reason there are many people who fail to make a house a home and tend to their home as if it meant something and is important to them.  In fact there are many people who do not put any importance on their home and do very little to make it a place of love, beauty or comfort.  Somewh

I love people who have defined boundaries unless they direct them at me.   Like many men I am still working on setting my own perfect and usable boundaries.   When you don't learn this as a child it is really difficult to set limits as an adult.  We learn to be nice and to be polite, especially us Latinos, but what our parents fail at is teaching us to draw the line with people who we should simply look straight in the eyes and say something like: "Can you go to hell please?"  My daughter knows how to set boundaries and in fact she is so good at it that it pains me when she sets them with me.  I can honestly say that I have no idea how she learned this from me when I myself did not know how to pull my head out of my own ass and say NO when I needed to in very long term relationships in the past.  Now I must say that I dare people, especially men to cross me so that I can draw that line that I have failed to draw in the past.  Recently I was tested by a man who literally m

When our self worth depends on someone or something we own we eventually find out that no one and nothing can make us feel worthy.  When we depend on the acceptance of someone else to make us feel valuable we will inevitably run into a wall, a place where we understand that no one should have that kind of power to make us feel good about ourselves or badly about ourselves for that matter.  While having a beautiful home and a great car is nice, nothing material makes up our self-worth nor do any of the things we own give us more esteem.  In a world where we hold monetary richness up high it is difficult not to think that if we have a lot of money we will be more valued.  Unfortunately in many cases it is the rich who seem to have it all.  In reality this is simply an illusion, one that we perceive based on the myths about having it all. Some of us wonder what it may be like to have all the money in the world.  Many of us play the lotto in hopes that we will be the next millionaire an

We all know people who strugglle back and forth in a relationship.  I call it a merry go round relationship.  More recently I met a woman who has been with a man for about a year and nothing has come of it.  In fact, she has broken it off at least ten times in this short period of time.  The odd thing about it is that she is a beautiful sexy blond who is a Latina.  She dresses beautifully and has a great job and home.  Yet she goes back to him over and over again in spite of her own admission that the relationship is going nowhere and that he is a flirt.  In fact he has hit on women in her social circle repeatedly.  She is back with him currently and yet it seems as though the bottom will drop soon and the same pattern will be repeated. When women are in a "merry-go-round relationship with a man, he eventually believes that he can have her back whenever he wants and when he is sure that no other woman will play with him.  Women who continue to forgive their wandering boyfriends