Coach Elliott

I am the very first one in line when it comes to questions about living and also about dying.  I know nothing and yet I sense that all of my life I have been living to die and more recently am convinced that we are all here to die, at least eventually.  Yet the big difference to me is when people are terminally ill and it seems it is a much more daunting task to live each day, fully, and in a way that honors the spirit.  I have no really perception but I do sense that fear is the only thing between living with some kind of excitement and meaning and living just to someday die. A man I will name Pablo has been battling with cancer for over ten years.  During his struggle he and I have become so close as so feel like best friend, like brothers.  He has gone from the smaller diagnosis of cancer to now having full blown stage four lung cancer lined with large tumors over his lung and his heart.  Still it seems that each day he manages to see something of good with the help of his daughte

A simple definition of monogamy is that one is committed to one person sexually and don't have any sex with any other person.  Much of the time we assume that if we marry someone that it is a monogamous relationship, yet if we do not have the conversation it is likely not a good idea to assume that the other person will not stray.  Many well-educated and well-versed people will say that monogamy is not natural while there are others who believe that the only way to be in a relationship is to be monogamous.  Whatever side one is on is not as important to me as sharing what I have observed, experienced and counseled couples through as it relates to monogamy.   Monogamy as Natural:  It seems apparent to me given the facts that for some monogamy is simply not natural.  For many people monogamy is a struggle and eventually becomes so difficult that they fail at it, resulting in what we refer to as affairs.  Still we are living in a society that publicly promotes one partner at a

We have all heard these two words together: "ageless beauty".  What this means is that we can look beautiful at any age and although the messages all around us promote youth there is not one good reason why we should subscribe to it.  In the book "Advanced Style" a photographer features women who are of the average age of sixty and many of them are older.  They are all discovered on the streets of NYC because of the way they were dressed, each of them in their own artistic and advanced style and some of them wearing layers of jewelry adorning their person.  It all started with a man who wanted to honor his grandmother's style and to show the world that beautiful does not have an age limit. How is it then that we can be beautiful at any age?   Here's what I think: Flaunt Your Style:  Be willing to bypass the notion that after a certain age you must downplay your style.  In fact, think about the opposite which is to flaunt your style.  Go big and go bold

There is a more recent campaign to bring attention to the harassment of women referred to as "Me Too". As men we don't normally experience the same kind of disrespect the way that so many women know only too well.  We can talk about it until we are exhausted yet what has to happen is for men to get involved in every aspect of a woman's right to be respected and in fact honored.  The only way to win the fight is for everyone to stand up and he heard and for law enforcement and the court system to have specific ways to address the abuse of women.  It is shocking to me that we are still trying to figure this out when it is such a long standing issue.  We are still putting women through more pain by questioning their motive and by simply not believing them. When any woman reports harassment at work there should be some specific steps that have to be followed.  No company should be scrabbling for ways to address an issue of sexual harrassment in the workplace when this h

Yesterday I read an article about the rise in opioid drugs and even heroin with women, in particular suburban women/ women who have money.  The shocking part is that when they can no longer get pain medications they will turn to heroin as a viable and often times less expensive alternative.  Once addicted people do some truly astonishing things that are out of their character and no one is above addiction.  Although the statistics are shocking I would like to shine more light around the why of addiction than the numbers. A History: Whenever I have talked to women who are addicted to drugs there is almost always a history of a life lived that has been extraordinarily hurtful including sexual, verbal and physical abuse. One typical substance is alcohol which although some people would say is not a drug, I am in agreement with the medical professionals that it in fact is a drug, often times the drug of choice because it is easy to get and is after all "legal".  We cannot cur

I believe it was Marilyn Monroe who said: "be your own kind of beautiful".  I think much of our beauty comes from inside and from other factors.  Hence there are times when you look at yourself in the mirror and you think: "ugh" or you think "hey, I am beautiful".  I think that it has a lot to do with where our hearts are at and our attitude that makes us more attractive not just to others but to ourselves.  I also want to remind everyone that beauty as we see it in Vogue or Elle is a very limited kind of beauty and in fact a very predictable kind of beauty.  What we think beautiful and we sell to the public is all about marketing and has really nothing to do with radiant and lasting beauty.  In order for each of us to be our own kind of beautiful we need to: Pump Up Your Personality: I was married to a woman who would walk into a room full of people and they would follow her as she walked to her chair.  She was stunning but what made her gorgeous w

Let me just excuse myself from the non-believers as I know you are out there and the mere idea of believing and then achieving seems silly.  If you are one of these people, you should stop reading now and simply not waste any time because if you don't believe in yourself then you will not understand how manifestation works.  This blog is not just about believing and then getting what you believe in but more importantly how to go from the thought of being your highest self to actually being your highest self. And so if you believe, even a little, keep going because this is about having what you want in life ether spiritually, emotionally or physically.  Here are some ways to get there: Setting Your Intention: The very first thing to do when you want to manifest something (joy, money, relationship) is to set your intention.  You can set your intention by speaking of what you want in a way that feels intentional. An intention can sound like this: My intention is to become finan

I have a wonderful friend who stays overnight once a month and we refer to this date as our PJ party. This time around she came by yesterday and stayed until late this afternoon.  As is usual for us we talk about everything under the sun and we end by supporting each other.  This time what came forward was "turning up the volume".  We both agreed that each of us needed to turn up the volume in our individual lives and turn it down when it comes to other people.  Now after thinking about it I decided that writing about the subject of turning up our volume is the one I would like the focus of the blog to be. The main idea of turning the volume up in life is basically placing more of our energy into ourselves and taking it off of others who are simply a distraction.  It is when we become purposeful in our effort to find our own path and our own life's volume goes up and our life becomes more of what we would like it to be, more of how we deserve to live.  There are many wa

I cannot count how many times I am at a mall or in some public venue and a child has a major tantrum.  This of course includes kicking, screaming, crying and at times him or her hitting the parent.  Recently I witnessed a mother attempting to calm her child down again when he picked up his little hand and hit her.  I am old school so I really wanted to sweep him up, give him one good wack on the buttock and place him on a time out.  She did none of these things and I frankly, was not surprised one bit.  These days the younger generation of parents are spooked about everything and more concerned about the child's sanity than their own, never mind the fact that they are the parent who is expected to take care of this little life in front of them.  I love the idea that the airlines share about the oxygen masks, asking the adults to put theirs on first and then their child.  It seems to me that if the parent lives then he or she can place the mask on the child and they will in turn liv

Leah Remini, actor and activist against Scientology outed this group who call themselves a religion when in fact by definition they are a cult.  The fact that Scientology is tax exempt is shocking to me and for many a questionable group of elitist who claim that what they are doing is making the earth a better place to live in and helping people become highly functioning beings.  It is hard not to say it right out or to think: Bullshit!  Leah who was raised as a child in this cult would beg to differ sighting both emotional and physical abuse on the part of it's leaders.  In a documentary on Netflix several former members share their horror stories including one young man who is literally brought to tears as he shares the miserable experiences he had.  It would take a very long article if not a book to describe their practices like: squirreling and bating one of which involves someone trained to cuss you out and yell in your face in order to help make one immune to such insults, ma

We have all hear of "The Power of Now" and "The Power of Intention" but few of us have thought about the power of laughter.  I don't know about anyone else but I struggled with being too serious for much too long while forgetting how to see the humor in life and all of the situations we find ourselves in.  Although I am not one to sugar coat everything I now understand the power of humor and of laughter.  Whenever I can stand back and see the lightness of an interaction or experience I feel more empowered and less of a hostage. I was an abused child.  For years my mother slapped me, hit me with objects and called me names I would not repeat in mixed company.  For years I held on to the severity of the abuse and relived it with anger and venom.  As time passed I began to understand that I was literally poisoning myself and that no matter what reliving this old story was weighing heavily on me.  My sister who seems to find the humor in almost anything would make

To say that Trump is rude  and arrogant minimizes his behavior.  As a Latino and as a human being I find it appalling that even before he went to Puerto Rico he has one of his typical conflicts with the Mayor of Puerto Rico, demonstrating once again that he has little to no respect for others, never mind the lack of compassion and genuine caring, yet as sad as this may seem it is surely his character or lack of that shows through.  As is usual for him, everything has to be a confrontation and a battle because apparently this is what he knows best and when someone does not know any different they continue to come from a place of anger, arrogance and superiority.  It is a sad day for all of us that a person like this is running our country and has so little regard for human suffering. Once in Puerto Rico Donald (as I prefer to call him) goes to a distribution sight where supplies are being passed out and begins to grab paper towels and throw them out to the disaster victims.  According

As we have often heard, people come and they go but family is forever.  Although no one has a perfect family when it comes down to it family are the people who usually stick by us, defend us and listen to our joys and sorrows.  I think it wise that we cultivate family whenever possible and that we forgive each other so that we can show up for one another in a way that is purely about love.  At every turn family is usually all we have and so it is important to tend to those family members who are wiling to be a part of the unit of support and love. Let's look at some of the elements of family and some of the key elements of connecting or reconnecting with family: 1. Forgiveness and Family:  One of the things that drives us away from our family is our lack of forgiveness.  Although we believe that forgiving others is about them it's really more about us.  Holding on to old situations and old stories holds us back while forgiveness actually propels us forward.  When we forgiv

It may be true that for some men looks are everything.  It seems we have bought into the notion that a woman has to be a size 6, have blond hair and be sexy.  Then there are the girls in the Prada ads that look as though they may be anorexic.  They are so thin that some of us would like nothing more than to feed them, some looking more androgynous than the season before.  In some parts of the world men are selected for women based on their riches, social status or both.  Although we would like things to be different we still live in a world where women who are too assertive are labeled aggressive and women who are liberated must be lesbians.  In the end there is a fine balance between being perceived as too bold and knowing how men often operate.  What men like in a woman is not as limited as one may believe while at the same time more simple than what women think. What are the 5 things men are looking for?: 1. An Empowered Goddess:  More than what women think men respect empowere

I love my clients because they often times remind me of subjects that matter and the things that many of us struggle with.  One of the reminders today was the concept of boundaries and how difficult it can be to set and maintain healthy boundaries with others, especially those who are close to us and who make the mistake of routinely crossing our boundaries.  No matter what we think there will be a repeated need to set new boundaries and to review and reset the old ones. MaryAnne complained a lot about how her husband would constantly share her personal experiences with others in causual conversation often with the goal to get others to agree that she was wrong.  I call it making someone wrong and this man seemed to be the expert on it.  He would bring up something that was obviously personal about MaryAnne even after repeated requests from her to "tell his own story, not hers".  Not only did her husband continue to ignore her boundaries it had gotten to the point where oth

In the movie "Beaches" Bettter Midler and Barbara Hershey become the most unlikely friends.  Bette is a poor kid from the Broncs who smokes at age 10 and Barbara who is also about 10 years old is a princess who comes from a wealthy family.  What makes the story riveting is that they somehow end up in each other's lives as adult women while Bette is working as a singer in a sleazy club and Barbara has become a lawyer like her dad.  What. I loved about the moive, as well as my daughters, is that dichotomy in their lives and the love they shared as friends.  It seemed that nothing would stop them unlike the division of children in our real world.  Bette who went around auditioning with her mom whom she called by her first name, Leona was so frustrated at her antics to get her a job that she shouted out to her mom: "You are ruining my life Leona" and ended by stating: "I hate my life".  It is a film worth seeing and it is touching and real.  Like real life

My initial inclination is to say that when we are an open vessel we invite and attract happiness.  I still think that is true but I also think we can help it along with our intention,  Intention is powerful and as many know it drives us in the direction where we would most likely want to be.  Here are my shares in the area of finding and keeping happiness: Look Inside:  Do not, I repeat, do not look for happiness in other people, you will be disappointed over and over again.  Look inside yourself for the happiness that is either there or not there,  Seek to find out why you are not as happy as you would like to be and ask yourself sone honest questions about the way you are living your life, the things you choose to participate in and what you surround yourself with,  In AA it is equivalent to taking your inventory.  Sit down and make a list of the things you often do and the things you are not doing to decide if you are living in the actions of happiness versus the illusion of happ

As a spiritual mentor I have had the honor to help others heal from their emotional pain through their spiritual aspect.  I know now more than ever that healing comes from our spiritual heart center and not our ego minds.  I cannot say how many people I have met that have been seeing a therapist for years, sometimes ten years who have come to me in desperation and in kind of a last ditch effort to heal their emotional self.  I would not ever knock therapists and their important role in some people's lives and there are may who understand the importance of the spiritual being, often times incorporating basic principles with spiritual principles.  The thing about emotional healing is that it needs to include the whole person and I believe we cannot ignore that very important part of who we are: "spiritual beings having an emotional experience". Emotionally healing from whatever ails us requires that we look deeper but more over it requires that we get the heart center.  I

I am a genius I know.  I may not have all the answers but it does not stop me from hitting the keys on my cordless keyboard and typing every fucking thing I can think of.  It's like when I said to this Black girl how I loved and admired Iyanla and she said to me, "she is really not qualified to do what she does.  I found myself ready to chop her head off.  Here was a young black girl putting an elder black woman with lots of experience, education, training and degrees dissing another black woman.  This to say that some would call me unqualified with my MA in Spiritual Psychology, My BA in Education and my MA in administration, but again, I don't give a fuck.  Did I say that out loud?  Yeah I did and with that I will write yet another blog on how we make ourselves sick.  BTW I am overqualified.  LOL. We make ourselves sick when we:  Stay in neutral or bad relationships:  I like to remind everyone who will listen that I have the t-shirt and I have been there and done i

There are so many of us who are in a constant questioning state around what our mission and what our vision is and becoming clear in both of these areas will effect our life in a positive way.  Becoming clear on what our mission and vision is will help us to live a life of purpose and intention.  Let me explain: Our vision is what we believe we are here to do, what we yearn to do and what we dream of.  Our vision lives in our heart and in our mind but the most meaningful place where it will rise up in glory is that place we hold in our hearts.  A silent, reverent and sacred search of your heart will determine our vision and bring it forward.  Our vision is mainly our dream, the dream of what we see ourselves doing that lifts us to the highest vibration. Some of your visions could sound like this:  My vision is to serve others by writing love poems and publishing them. My vision is to serve mankind by mentoring others using my skills as a spiritual leader and life coach. My visi

I believe that of the many thngs I have struggled with the one thing that has been challenging is not taking things personal.  People will say things, they will share their opinions and at times say negative things to us.  What we must know is not to personalize what others think of us or say to us because in reality we know who we are.  Every time we take something personal we end up feeling badly about what does not belong to us, but how do we overcome that?  Here's what I think: 1. Know who you are.   When we are clear and confident about who we are it is much less likely that someone else will make you feel badly or feel anything that is not true.  We know who we are when we work on ourselves and do the things that help us stay positive and clear of negative energy.  Doing what you need to do is the best defense against the words or deeds of others.  Think of yourself as a gift and know that you are more than how someone thinks of you.  Know who you are and nothing will pen

For some people inner peace comes in the form of religion while for others yoga is their way of finding peace and serenity.  There are so may ways to creating a peaceful and centered life and for those of us who have worked on finding that center of peace there are various ways to achieve this: 1. Daily Meditation 2. Daily Prayer 3. Daily Journals 4. Daily Reading/Daily Word Daily Meditation: Taking the time every day to meditate helps many people to get centered and find their inner peace.  It is a proven method of finding serenity, healing and quieting the thoughts that cause us so much stress.  Meditating every day for a minimum of 20 minutes provide us with the time to regroup and to reboot our spirit.  Some people believe that meditation is religious in nature yet it does not need to be and in most cases is not.  The objective of meditation is to clear your mind and body by focusing on the heart and healing.  It is a time to let go of the rapid thoughts and fears that some

I am sure that you have all heard this one: "He's Not That Into You". The thing is that it is very true and many women miss that memo.  I think that for some it is about this hope that one day he will be that into you.  Yet when a guy demonstrates little interest in a relationship with you, it is best to go with the vibe and understand and accept what is.  Ignoring the five signs that a guy is not the one will likely end up in heart break or something that looks and feels bad. Here are the five signs:  1. He calls you late night to "get together". 2. He does not bring you flowers or any such gesture.  3. He tells you kissing is too intimate.  4. He's not attentive.  5. Everything and everyone comes before you.   1.  He calls you late at night for a "date" or "get together" or "hook up".   We all know that getting late night calls that pose as a date are really a "booty call".  It is simple and straight forwa