How To Deal With Tantrums
I cannot count how many times I am at a mall or in some public venue and a child has a major tantrum. This of course includes kicking, screaming, crying and at times him or her hitting the parent. Recently I witnessed a mother attempting to calm her child down again when he picked up his little hand and hit her. I am old school so I really wanted to sweep him up, give him one good wack on the buttock and place him on a time out. She did none of these things and I frankly, was not surprised one bit. These days the younger generation of parents are spooked about everything and more concerned about the child's sanity than their own, never mind the fact that they are the parent who is expected to take care of this little life in front of them. I love the idea that the airlines share about the oxygen masks, asking the adults to put theirs on first and then their child. It seems to me that if the parent lives then he or she can place the mask on the child and they will in turn live. Oh, you know what I mean.
Teach boundaries early:
It is never too soon to begin to teach your child boundaries. This of course includes what you find acceptable responses to you and what they can and cannot have. Saying yes all the time does not make for a child who should be clear what he or she can do, have or play with. As your child grows to understand you can begin to establish what is a yes and what it means when you say no.
Create their world:
A good parent sets up an area in the home where the child is allowed to play and have their toys, books and manipulative like Legos. Their own room is great but this is in addition to their room and usually a family area where there is a TV for videos and an open area to place their things in. Creating a world for them that is child friendly does not mean you have to move everything from the room so that they don't play with it or hurt themselves. It is an additional space for them that says yes to play and learning. Having an area in every part of your home is not a good idea nor is it necessary. One play area is all that a child needs aside from their own room. In this way children learn early on what the physical boundaries are and are less likely to have a tantrum when you say no to something specific.
Time Out:
I like time out as a way to send that clear message that tantrums and bad behavior are unacceptable. It sends that message with immediacy and break poor habits quickly and without resorting to spanking each time. Warning your child before you actually administer a time out is a good idea. It gives them a chance to address the behavior and for them it feels more fair. When your child begins to have a tantrum over something they want begin by showing signs of calmness and stay focused on letting them know that a time out might be in order. If he or she continues to kick, scream or insist on their way don't hesitate to take them to the time out area where they will not be entertained by any source. Always let your child know or ask them why they had to do a time out and tell them you love them.
Choices:
One of the most valuable lessons you can teach your child is to make choices. When things begin to get blurry offer him or her a couple of choices. One choice could be to play with an item that is designated as a toy and the other is time out. Ask them which one would be a good idea for them and start to make them responsible to make the right choice. Children are very astute and they know more than we think they know but we must take the time to find that out. Asking a child what they prefer is a way of empowering them and making them feel more like they made the choice versus you dictated the choice. Giving children choices teaches them that they can and will be happy when they choose something that is in their highest good. In the long run they learn to make the right choice.
Stay Calm:
The best thing to do with kids is to stay calm when they are not. Being calm around them demonstrates that their behavior can be addressed and that you are not personalizing it, demonstrating to him or her that you are not going to allow them to have control over you. When we lose our temper we are really surrendering to them and the message they get is that they go us or that they can alter our joy. Although we are human and we will lose our cool at times staying as calm as possible teaches our child that any repeat of their bad behavior will not elicit and out of control parent in us. Being aware of our body language and our tone sends the message that we are the adult and that we can and will handle it.
Teach boundaries early:
It is never too soon to begin to teach your child boundaries. This of course includes what you find acceptable responses to you and what they can and cannot have. Saying yes all the time does not make for a child who should be clear what he or she can do, have or play with. As your child grows to understand you can begin to establish what is a yes and what it means when you say no.
Create their world:
A good parent sets up an area in the home where the child is allowed to play and have their toys, books and manipulative like Legos. Their own room is great but this is in addition to their room and usually a family area where there is a TV for videos and an open area to place their things in. Creating a world for them that is child friendly does not mean you have to move everything from the room so that they don't play with it or hurt themselves. It is an additional space for them that says yes to play and learning. Having an area in every part of your home is not a good idea nor is it necessary. One play area is all that a child needs aside from their own room. In this way children learn early on what the physical boundaries are and are less likely to have a tantrum when you say no to something specific.
Time Out:
I like time out as a way to send that clear message that tantrums and bad behavior are unacceptable. It sends that message with immediacy and break poor habits quickly and without resorting to spanking each time. Warning your child before you actually administer a time out is a good idea. It gives them a chance to address the behavior and for them it feels more fair. When your child begins to have a tantrum over something they want begin by showing signs of calmness and stay focused on letting them know that a time out might be in order. If he or she continues to kick, scream or insist on their way don't hesitate to take them to the time out area where they will not be entertained by any source. Always let your child know or ask them why they had to do a time out and tell them you love them.
Choices:
One of the most valuable lessons you can teach your child is to make choices. When things begin to get blurry offer him or her a couple of choices. One choice could be to play with an item that is designated as a toy and the other is time out. Ask them which one would be a good idea for them and start to make them responsible to make the right choice. Children are very astute and they know more than we think they know but we must take the time to find that out. Asking a child what they prefer is a way of empowering them and making them feel more like they made the choice versus you dictated the choice. Giving children choices teaches them that they can and will be happy when they choose something that is in their highest good. In the long run they learn to make the right choice.
Stay Calm:
The best thing to do with kids is to stay calm when they are not. Being calm around them demonstrates that their behavior can be addressed and that you are not personalizing it, demonstrating to him or her that you are not going to allow them to have control over you. When we lose our temper we are really surrendering to them and the message they get is that they go us or that they can alter our joy. Although we are human and we will lose our cool at times staying as calm as possible teaches our child that any repeat of their bad behavior will not elicit and out of control parent in us. Being aware of our body language and our tone sends the message that we are the adult and that we can and will handle it.
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