Coach Elliott

Today I found out that I am closer to closure in a relationship with a person that I loved but I did not like.  Today I am closer to ending a painful situation that for me was whipping myself for being bad every day.  What I thought I would never tolerate I did and what I thought I would never survive I have, in spades.  Not only have I gotten through to the other side there has been some justice along the way.  I have received my due when I could have become fearful of the big bad white bully and ran without regard for what was due to me.  In fact I almost did.  I almost apologized for being me and for expecting something of a person who I did everything short of wiping their ass.   Yet now I see that all that I did was for a reason and that I am Elliott Collazo the warrior that has survived the very things others would say they could not have and even I thought I would not.  I feel like Elliott the warrior got his due and that now he can stand up, dust himself off and move into a new

As a favor to myself I recently joined a club on line for friendship finding.  It seemed innocent enough to me and so I started to chat with a person who we will call Carlos.  Anyway he sent me a picture of himself and I in turn sent him one and stated that I was looking for friendship only like the club states and hoped he was on line for the same reason, just to find a new friend.  Maybe even find someone who had things in common.  To my delight he was in agreement, however on several occassions when he would text me he would refer to me as handsome and preface the text with "hey handsome".  Still I decided that it would be nice to meet him after seeing in his pieture that he looked like a nice person and very honestly not my type.  He was a little too informal looking for me and even stated that he wore black t-shirs and jeans every day.  Since I did not intend on anything intimate I really wasn't concerned. The first meeting was to be a brunch at my home and when th

We have heard this notion of how we are all connected but most of us are not behaving as though we are.  The more we act as though what we do is separate from what happens in the world of people all around us, the more confused our world becomes.  We go to work each day and encounter the woman who is there stressed out because her husband is abusing her or the other co-worker who is trying to make ends meet raising his children alone because his wife walked out on all of them.  We walk to the bus in the morning on our way to work and we see a woman begging for money with her child sitting next to her.  We see all kinds of pain and need in the world and we do our best to pretend that it has nothing directly to do with us nor that it will effect us.  We pass by people who have fallen and are in such a hurry to get to where we are going that we justify not helping that person.  Some of us can even see a child fall from a playground equipment and behave as though we'd not seen it. We

It is duly noted that there are a few websites selling anti-racist t-shirts and ones that support gay rights, ironically on the same website.  I have for many years said that "the gays people came out of the closet and the racists got in".  I seriously did not even know how right I was at the time so many years ago when I coined this statement.  Simply knowing that racism is still very much alive is just a small part of the issue.  Recently we have been faced with the reality of racism because of the public humiliation of college groups making it clear that they would not accept blacks into their sorority.  In fact there was some chant or song that was racist shared by a female sorority  in the south.  Although many in the media displayed shock and amazement there were many of us who were not surprised, those of us who know that racism is alive and thriving and those of us who are people of color.  We know it because we experience it on a daily basis and even when we would li

For the first time I watched  a documentary about the huge fire in California a few years ago.  It swept a huge portion of California burning hundreds of homes one after the other like match sticks.  People were panicking calling the fire department and being told that they did not have any one to dispatch to their home because not one firefighter was available to do that.  All of them were trying to contain the fire so that it would not spread anymore.  Many died in the fire unable to get away from it fast enough, one girl in the back of her car and many in their homes or near their houses.  Then there were the people who survived it and lived to tell their stories of courage and of miracles.  Those were for me the most beautiful stories of survival I had heard before and inspired me to write about what I heard and saw. After many days running from the fire the husband of one of the couples returned to the area where he and she lived and found out that his home had survived.  Sudden

I have a daughter who is 31, beautiful and smart who has a great sense of herself and a good sense of humor.  She enjoys her life and along the way she has met a few frogs .  Some more prince like than others, all not the one.  In most cases she has not introduced me to men she meets knowing fully that it takes time to get to know a man that she would bother introducing to your very tight and loving family unit.  Sometimes I simply wish that prince charming would come along, she would fall in love and live happily ever after but what I am reminded of is that there is no such thing.  In fact the person that most often reminds me is her.  As she continues to live a lively life and a happy one she realizes more than I do that one should not settle and she has not.  A lot of people do settle and I contend that this is the biggest error we can make, believing that no one better is going to come along or staying with someone we know must not really love us because they don't honor us, pr

I have recently gotten a few tests related to being single and getting involved with someones.  Note the S at the end of someone.  I feel like I am being tested knowing fully that I don't need to get involved with anyone intimately until I am feeling healed and complete on my own and I am not talking about sex.  In fact that part of it is even more a NO for me right now.  I not only am not interested I am asking my Source to give me the will not to get involved with anyone for at least a year and a half.  What I know is that being single is the very best thing for me right now just as it would be for many of us.  Unfortunately this is when we get tested and suddenly the old flames start calling and asking if you would like to start over where you ended.  NOT a good idea.  Being single is the best thing we can be when we are unhealed and simply not completely detached from the situation we were in before.  I say situation but some may call that a relationship.  I don't use that

I thought I might get your attention with this title.  As we know Starbucks is about as close to brining a solution to racism as Bozo the clown has a chance of making the cover of Vogue.  I like many find it absolutely insulting and almost laughable that a company that sells coffee at such a ridiculously high price is now asking people to talk about the issue of race?  What may I ask is there expertise, coffee or race relations?  Judging from the reaction of others I would take a guess that someone did not give this idea much thought except to think it cute.  It is simply silly to entertain this slogan on a cup as a viable solution to a problem we have been fighting for centuries and are still fighting as people of color.  It is almost insulting to me as a Latino man to have some white  man in some company who have had their share of dumb motives act as though they are going to tackle racist idiots with a saying on a cup.  It is like trying to kill a lion with a fly swatter. Here I h

There are those who would like not to continue to talk about race and racism.  These are the people who are in denial and some who are a part of the problem.  A person who is a racist today will not normally admit to it.  The subtle way that people who are racist address the issue is by acting as though it does not exist, knowing fully well that it does.  I have always said that the gay people came out of the closet and the racist got in, not that being gay means you cannot be one of the racist in the closet.  What I see today is that as long as we don't discuss it then it does not matter or have credence.  By not talking about it we can continue to pretend that there are not more Black men in jail than anglo men.  AS long as we don't discuss it we don't have to face the fact that people of color are less likely to be hired for any particular job.  We can ignore racism because the act of racism is so underground still today.  What we cannot ignore is the fact that there are

We have all been angry and frustrated to the point where we take ourselves to what I can the "out of control" zone.  When this happens a darkness comes over us and we feel like we cannot do anything to get some light into the situation.  We feel hopeless and we feel like we are no longer in control of our feelings.  That is when it may be time for us to: Stop and look inward.  We need to stop and look from the outside at what is going on as if we were observing ourselves as another person.  That person who is feeling the feeling of anxiety, anger or depression needs to take a break and be looked upon form the outside to determine what that person is really feeling, why they are feeling that feeling and how that person can be felt.  We are in this way taking a break from the person who is feeling the feeling and looking at him or her as if he or she were another person.  What would we suggest to that person (our inner person)? What would we say to him or her to make them feel

Today I met a friend for lunch who I have known now for about thirty years.  What occured to me after I attended my reading group in "The Course in Miracles" is that I feel so much love and compassion for him and that in addition to liking him I love him very much.  As we sat through lunch there were a few blunders on the part of the waiter.  First he forgot his soup, then he broght the wrong soup, not the one he ordered and lastly he talked on two drinks we'd not had.  The waiter seemed distant and unfocused and my guess was that maybe he was having a tough day.  He aplogized once we got the manager to take the drinks off the menu.  As it turned out he also gave us a discount on the meal.  As sometimes happens "God meant it all for good".  One of the things that stood out for both of us was this lack of concsiouness on the part of others and the lack of life skills.  Both of us agreed that there is a problem in America around our egos and out thinking we are th

It seems like those of us who have been in love and lost are the ones who can help others fall in love in a different manner and in a way that is proper and long lasting.  When we talk about how to fall in love the right way we may also need to talk about how not to fall into a relationship, which often times is exactly what happens to us.  We fall into relationships almost by mistake or we get involved with the first person who pays attention to us. Don't go too fast: One of the big mistakes people make is getting involved much to quickly.  They meet and days, weeks or even just a few months later they are playing house and living together.  One or the other person comes over and never leaves.  It is best to take your time when getting into a relationship and taking at least a year to get to know each other before moving in together and surely before getting married.  Take it slowly and really get to know each other.  Ask a lot of questions.  Know who your getting involved with

Every day I have to remember that the hateful things people do and try to do to us are an illusion and have NO power.  Only love has power because love is our reality, what we were born naturally to share and be.  We are born to be in a place of love not of hate.  This is why hate is fake and all we need to do is ignore it, let it pass us by.  The beauty is that when we wait long enough we will overcome any hateful energy because it is so weak.  Love is the strongest emotion.  Love is powerful when we share it and we stay inside of it. The trick is not to allow hate inside.  When you feel or see hate we must remember that hate has no power and hate cannot control us unless we believe it to be important and worthy of our time and energy.  People will test us and it will happen on and off all the time.  People will try to hurt us but we must know that it is not possible to stay hurt.  When we live in a loving place we don't have to worry about being swayed in any other direction.  

Some of you are well aware that I am in the throws of a divorce.  I have never been more overwhelmed at times in my entire life.  The person I am divorcing has gone from zero to sixty in just a few months and actually started a whole new life elsewhere but not far enough not to impact my life.  In spite of the fact that he knows I have cancer and the bad situation I am in he continues his far reaching effect by crossing every boundary for as long as he was afforded it and by sending me bills to pay for utilities and services he cancelled or stopped like light, gas, cable, Internet, home security, phone and more.  To think him heartless is simply an underestimation yet somehow at every turn I have been able to keep my head above water and able to function fully the majority of the time.  How have I been able to do that you ask?  By finding my inner peace and by doing things that bring me back to the center of my soul and my spirit. Here are some of the ways I have been able to find my

The last blog I wrote was about assholes and I thought about how I might redeem myself and demonstrate that I believe there are good people out there.  There are plenty of good people in the world and when we meet them we know it.  IT is the same as knowing we are in the company of the wrong person, except we know we are in the presence of the right person.  Someone who is a good person and someone who has a heart.  Just like the opposite effect when we meet the wrong people, the right person has a light that shines and we can tell from the start that they are of good.  In the reality of spiritual principles everyone is a worthy person and I would like to be the first to say that looking for the good in others is better than looking for the bad in others.  Looking for the good in mankind will bring that good into our lives.  We attract what we think of others.  I know because I have been on both ends of the spectrum.  Today I can see the light in others and as a result it seems like mo

I have been in a place of censoring for a few weeks now but today I am done.  I no longer want to be accepted and loved and honored, I want to fucking be respected.  With the thousands of assholes out there including some of the major  ones I have selected (highly unfortunate) we all need to become more selective and really look closer at men before we get involved with them.  What we all know is that he signs of idiota show up very early into the situation way before it becomes a relationship.  We only pretend to be blind.  We only act as though we cannot see but we see it and we see it vividly.  We stay because we think that we cannot find anything better even when we know what we have is a worthless piece of shit.  Did I say that out loud?  OK, that was a bit too strong so I will apolgize for saying it.  I am at least not naming any names so I should get a pass.  Plus I have cancer and I have plenty of reasons to be pissed, resentful or simply out there. There are a ton of asshole

There are a number of reasons why we should keep moving but the one good reason is that we not become stagnant and frozen to the degree that we begin to feel lonely, alone and emotionally ill.  I believe that emotional illness comes from the lack of movement and how we move and when is important, especially when we are depressed or in the darkest part of our minds.  How we move is how we navigate in life and how we move is going to make a difference in the quality of  our life.  Moving is as essential as eating and as basic as walking. Here are some truly easy ways to ensure that you keep moving and don't stop moving for too long a period of time, so long that you end up stuck in the immobile practice and so stuck you become accepting of it. Walk: Walking outside is one of the best ways to ensure that you are not stagnant and that your body is moving.  At the very same time you are getting some exercise in, especially if you walk briskly.  Even if you are in a climate that is

There are reasons to be sad, remorseful, angry, mournful and resentful.  There are also reasons to be happy and ways to be more happy.  There is a reason that we prefer more happiness and good reasons to find ways that will elevate your joy.  Being happy seems to come natural to some people but as I found out some of that outer joy is not from within because inside there is a sadness and anger that person is hiding. Understand We All Feel Sadness and:  The first thing I would like to bring to the light is that everyone has felt sadness or anger or resentment.  No one is happy all the time even though there are ones who may appear to be happy twenty four seven and seven days a week.  The fact is that we are not always in the best place emotionally for many reasons.  A death, a separation, a termination of a job, failing a test or and end of a relationship.  If we accept this fact then we can move up from that place of knowing.  We can feel the sad feelings or the feelings of anger an

I believe that since I have been on both ends of the spectrum, very happy and very sad that I might be able to share some wise tips on how to be a happier person.  I won't say that I am an expert on happy but I will say that even in the darkest of times I have been able to find my happy place.  So without further delay I would like to share the things that I feel are ways to be happier and simply ways to get your happy on. Don't Watch Too Much TV: I truly understand that for me too much TV has a negative impact on my happy meter.  With so many shows about true to life murder, kidnappings and stalkings I really think TV can steal our joy and do so very quickly.  The commercials are the worse because in these commercials often times everyone is pretty, young, muscular and have hair with zero split ends.  Oh yes, and they have the whitest teeth ever in the world.  There is so much on TV that is gossip oriented, caddy and even mean spirited.  Then there are reality shows where w

There are likely some people or at least one person you are dealing with that is or are difficult to address, be around or tolerate.  Each of us have wondered how to deal with difficult situations and difficult individuals in hard situations.  A difficult person can be a person we work with or a person we are related to or just a person we happen to encounter.  In any situation dealing with a difficult  person takes some creative skills.  For some of us addressing difficult folks in our life is a daily situation, like a boss at work.  Here are some creative and logical ways to address that difficult person in your life. 1.   Don't address them, avoid them: One simple way to deal with a difficult person is to avoid them.  The way to avoid them is to have as little contact with them if any as possible.  If you can avoid a difficult  person that you know is not likely to change do so.  It may be the best thing you can do and the best thing you can wish for. 2.   Don't lower yo

In my thirty year career as a teacher, school administrator and program manager I have collaborated and addressed many cases involving the challenges with conduct  many of our children experience and the ways we have addressed them as teachers, school disciplinarians and parents.  Thirty years of experience with children has afforded me some strategies that work to change the behaviors they are challenged with and behaviors that are inappropriate.  Often times these behaviors can lead to serious consequences, especially if we don't address them in ways that are effective, compassionate and honest.  The feeling is that if we don't catch serious behaviors that the older the child gets the more serious the consequences will ensue.  If we don't want our children to end up in jail we must be mindful of their behaviors and address them early on. Some of the ways that we can address children's behaviors effectively by: 1.  Connecting specific rules and consequences that th

There are some who know that I have suffered from depression all of my life on and off.  What triggers it is rejection, fear of abandonment and financial uncertainty, the latter being the least of the issues.  Depression is sometimes irrational.  We think that we need to be sad or something that is not going to happen triggers it.  We may think we are going to lose our job for example but in the end we do not or we may think our spouse is having an affair but they are not.  The cause of depression can be unfounded but the reality of depression is still very much real.  Getting into a state of depression seems relatively easy and quick and getting out of it can be just as fast.  Having suffered from this illness myself I have had to find ways to fight it along with it's sister illness anxiety. Here are some of the ways to fight depression: 1.  Keep moving: Do not stop moving and doing.  Don't lay down for too long and certainly don't close the black out shades and stay

Today my brother and a friend of his came by.  I had left the front door open for them to come in as I had decided to take a shower and listen to some soft music.  Today was the day I needed to change my colostomy bag and this is sometimes an emotional time for me.  It is when I get to see my wounds and it sometimes feels like it's in my face.  I feel hurt, injured and somewhat incomplete.  I feel like I am not whole in fact I feel incomplete and broken, like no one will ever want me, knowing fully that the only person that needs to want me is God and the others, the people that love me.  I started to sob and it felt like my world was unraveling.  By this time my brother was in the house as I left the front door open.  I came out of the room crying, really sobbing like a baby.  My brother came upstairs he held me.  I don't recall the last time that my brother held me.  He kept holding me and telling me I was going to be OK.  I yelped like a wounded dog at this point feeling saf