Finding Your Inner Peace
Some of you are well aware that I am in the throws of a divorce. I have never been more overwhelmed at times in my entire life. The person I am divorcing has gone from zero to sixty in just a few months and actually started a whole new life elsewhere but not far enough not to impact my life. In spite of the fact that he knows I have cancer and the bad situation I am in he continues his far reaching effect by crossing every boundary for as long as he was afforded it and by sending me bills to pay for utilities and services he cancelled or stopped like light, gas, cable, Internet, home security, phone and more. To think him heartless is simply an underestimation yet somehow at every turn I have been able to keep my head above water and able to function fully the majority of the time. How have I been able to do that you ask? By finding my inner peace and by doing things that bring me back to the center of my soul and my spirit.
Here are some of the ways I have been able to find my inner knowing and peace:
1. Meditation and Prayer: I pray and I meditate often. In fact I am praying all the time and asking for the strength I need from God almost constantly. Everywhere I am I pray: in the car, in the house, in a grocery store, in the bathroom, everywhere.
My meditation practice has undergone a complete Uhaul and every week I attend a two hour meditation as well. I take the time to meditate even when I am writing and just keep silence around me. I do my very best each day to take the time to hold reverence and to honor myself. It is the one thing that has kept me alive.
2. Medications: I want to be honest and say that I take anti-anxiety meds and meds for depression. They are a mild dosage but have helped me immensely to overcome some very difficult times. I have never taken meds before but I know now is not the time to fight it when it is something that helps me live. Without the medication I wanted to be dead every day. I would wake up in the morning and at night wish I were dead. I often thought about suicide. It was terrible. Now with the mild meds I can function much better. Although many of us are fearful of meds for altering our mood I am now convinced that we should do anything and everything that it takes to feel better and to ensure our own safety.
3. Creating a Circle of Friends: I have had to create a new group of friends where I am at today. The old circle simply dropped out and most of them were likely not real friends to begin with. In fact what I know is that I did most of the work and that I cannot be resentful of it but rather just continue to move into new situations where I can meet new people and have done so by attending a reading club and a drumming circle. I know that it is time for me to broaden my horizons and let go of the people who no longer have a need for me to be in their life. I have to be an adult about it and face it. This brings me inner peace and inner knowing. New friends and new situations are healing agents.
4. Taking Good Care of Me: Taking good care of myself by getting pedicures, shaving when needed and getting my hair cut has been very helpful in finding my inner peace. Continuing to do the things I do for self-care and for my self-esteem has been very helpful in creating a peaceful and happy me. Grooming has always been important to me and now more than ever. There is not any reason to apolgize for looking great and in fact it helps.
5. Staying and Thinking Positive: One of the most important factors in keeping my inner peace has been to stay positive and think positive. I fight that battle every day and in the end I win it because I insist on not allowing anything to take my inner peace from me. I go negative and then catch it early on and reverse it by thinking myself out of it. I just say NO. That's it. I just say NO that is not where I want to be and that is not where I need to be. It is not going to help me. I completely turn it around.
My story may not be helpful but then again it may help one person. If it helps you then I am happy. Finding your inner peace will take figuring out what it is that will bring that peace to your life. It may be time for therapy or meds. It may be time to look at prayer and the power of prayer. It may be time to delete people from your life and move on. Whatever it is you will know it by trying it and by testing each idea. Mine are my ways of finding inner peace. I sometimes find it just in listening to a sweet song and crying. You will know your method by simply trying them.
Elliott Collazo Gonzalez
Here are some of the ways I have been able to find my inner knowing and peace:
1. Meditation and Prayer: I pray and I meditate often. In fact I am praying all the time and asking for the strength I need from God almost constantly. Everywhere I am I pray: in the car, in the house, in a grocery store, in the bathroom, everywhere.
My meditation practice has undergone a complete Uhaul and every week I attend a two hour meditation as well. I take the time to meditate even when I am writing and just keep silence around me. I do my very best each day to take the time to hold reverence and to honor myself. It is the one thing that has kept me alive.
2. Medications: I want to be honest and say that I take anti-anxiety meds and meds for depression. They are a mild dosage but have helped me immensely to overcome some very difficult times. I have never taken meds before but I know now is not the time to fight it when it is something that helps me live. Without the medication I wanted to be dead every day. I would wake up in the morning and at night wish I were dead. I often thought about suicide. It was terrible. Now with the mild meds I can function much better. Although many of us are fearful of meds for altering our mood I am now convinced that we should do anything and everything that it takes to feel better and to ensure our own safety.
3. Creating a Circle of Friends: I have had to create a new group of friends where I am at today. The old circle simply dropped out and most of them were likely not real friends to begin with. In fact what I know is that I did most of the work and that I cannot be resentful of it but rather just continue to move into new situations where I can meet new people and have done so by attending a reading club and a drumming circle. I know that it is time for me to broaden my horizons and let go of the people who no longer have a need for me to be in their life. I have to be an adult about it and face it. This brings me inner peace and inner knowing. New friends and new situations are healing agents.
4. Taking Good Care of Me: Taking good care of myself by getting pedicures, shaving when needed and getting my hair cut has been very helpful in finding my inner peace. Continuing to do the things I do for self-care and for my self-esteem has been very helpful in creating a peaceful and happy me. Grooming has always been important to me and now more than ever. There is not any reason to apolgize for looking great and in fact it helps.
5. Staying and Thinking Positive: One of the most important factors in keeping my inner peace has been to stay positive and think positive. I fight that battle every day and in the end I win it because I insist on not allowing anything to take my inner peace from me. I go negative and then catch it early on and reverse it by thinking myself out of it. I just say NO. That's it. I just say NO that is not where I want to be and that is not where I need to be. It is not going to help me. I completely turn it around.
My story may not be helpful but then again it may help one person. If it helps you then I am happy. Finding your inner peace will take figuring out what it is that will bring that peace to your life. It may be time for therapy or meds. It may be time to look at prayer and the power of prayer. It may be time to delete people from your life and move on. Whatever it is you will know it by trying it and by testing each idea. Mine are my ways of finding inner peace. I sometimes find it just in listening to a sweet song and crying. You will know your method by simply trying them.
Elliott Collazo Gonzalez
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