Coach Elliott

Today on this lovely New Year's Eve I am once again contemplating some new year's commitments and ways to evolve.  As many of you know I don't like the word resolution because it makes me think that there is something I need to fix or resolve.  On the contrary I feel like evolving is something we do constantly and that in the new year we may want to simply continue to evolve in areas that we deem need some attention, loving attention and compassionate thought. To this end I would like to share some ideas of what a loving evolution we might all consider or that will guide you: I have the loving intention to be a more loving and compassionate person with every person I encounter. I want to evolve into a more prosperous person by using my gifts in ways that will bring joy to others and in ways that will bring prosperity to me with ease and grace. I want to make the commitment to do things that I fear most when I know that taking those actions will be in my highest good

We are all made up of darkness and lightness.  The goal is to be in the lightness more often than not and to embrace the dark parts with a sense of compassion, acceptance and forgiveness.  Elliott Maximo Collazo  It may be hard for many of us to understand that we have these dark parts while for others it is difficult to see the light parts of who they are.  The fact is that we have dark feelings and there will be times when everything in our life looks dark.  Avoiding our dark parts or not admitting to them is a sure path to a life that is lived on the surface where deep feelings are often times avoided.  Since we are all made up of dark and light parts, thoughts, experiences and are living in a world that is imperfect it is important to be accepting of the darkness and to know that living in denial of those parts of us will only lead us to a life that is null and avoid of real feelings. Bill grew up in his words in a "Leave It To Beaver" family.  Nothing compares to th

Perhaps asking any man to be Prince Charming is much to much to ask yet what I think is that we can all get closer to becoming all that is charming and all that is gentleman like.  You may ask yourself: "Why would I want to become Prince Charming".  Well, even if you don't care about becoming a prince like man consider exercising some of the traits of a man who is looked upon with favor and who can easily connect with women, either for friendship or love.  Perhaps for some readers there is the thought that "there is no Prince Charming".  Maybe the thought of a Prince Charming is the furthest thing from your reality yet let us all consider some of the attributes of a man that women are attracted to rather than repelled by.  While some men are trained to be gentlemen and treat women with respect and compassion others are in denial about why women run from them. I often times share the story of Tod  who is currently 45 years old.  Although he had a degree he work

The only way to love you life is to live it with intent.  Not having any intention will often times be replaced with some negative intention or in someone else setting it for you.  What you get from others as your plan in life will likely not be a good fit for you, even if you think them to be people who love you.  Your life is your own.  Consider this food for thought related to creating love in your life now: Be in acceptance : Be accepting of where you are at.  This includes your job, your curves, your hair, your home, your children, your partner, your car, your friends, and life as it is right now.  Don't delay being happy, being successful, being content when...  When we do this we negate all the beauty that we are in this moment and on this day. Live fully: Live your life as if this is the last day every day.  Live with the fullness of joy as if you don't have a care in the world.  At the very least do your very best to enjoy your life fully by saying and doing all th

It seems like being single and alone is like a bad illness to some.  For many people, some that I can mention by name but won't, being alone is very scary.  For some being alone in their thoughts is like torture and they make it a point to be out and about all the time, sometimes using alcohol and other methods of stuffing down their feelings.  I believe that being alone can be magical and that there are times when we should spend some time alone, whether you are single or married is irrelevant. You know you have the lonely poor me sickness as I call it if being alone makes you anxious, depressed, upset or angry.  In fact if you are the type of person who dislikes being alone and avoids it then you have the "lonely sickness".  When we fill our calendar up with events one atop the other we know that we are avoiding something and that something is our thoughts and those thoughts rise up when we are alone. One of the lovely people I know once said to me, after I asked he

Being alone is underrated in every way.  In fact I think being alone is almost always a wonderful experience and being in our own company is truly the best company to be in.  When we understand fully how joyful it can be to be in our own space and do our own thing we evolve into a person who no longer needs others to be happy and to enjoy life's pleasures.  Although we are often times made to believe that being with someone is essential to our joy, it's simply a myth we have unfortunately bought into.  The reality is that being alone can be just as fulfilling a life as being with someone and in fact often times better.  Being in a relationship is not for everyone and not everyone should be in a relationship.  When we understand that fully we begin to live a whole new life filled with adventure and surprise. Relationship is not for everyone and the fact is that relationships can often times hold us hostage.  Many times relationships are overbearing and we find ourselves in a r

Although our future presidents have at times inspired love and compassion for mankind Trump does not fall into this category of men.  In fact what Trump has inspired are the white supremacists and the KKK to act out even more overtly, both of whom have supported him and God knows voted for the first time in a long time.  The people in their country who are racists and bigots came running out of the closet in support of a man who covertly and sometimes openly made statements that were sexist, racist and just plain fucking  stupid.  The next four years will be a challenge for people of color, women and those we call illegal immigrants.  The next four years will be our teacher and we will learn a lesson well needed because someone like Trump should have been disqualified to run for president based on his illegal and rude antics.  Maybe after this we will develop a criteria for running for the highest office in the USA.  Maybe now we will understand the importance of keeping criminals like

Have you ever noticed that commercials on TV are all about instilling fear and about making us feel insecure and not good enough?  Well, in case you have not acknowledged it advertisements are based on fear and insecurity.  Recently a company selling home security begins it's ad with something to the effect of:  It's the season when robberies are on the rise and how you have a new computer that they are waiting to rob you of and other valuable gifts.  This company plays on your fears based on A: it's the season for robbery and B: you have a lot of things in your home during this time that robbers know you have hence they are coming to take it.  When it is not fear based it's insecurity based ads that let us clearly know that our teeth are not white enough, we are overweight and our hair probably has dandruff.  It is ridiculous and plays on our unconscious mind in hope that we will buy a product that will make us be right and be beautiful all at once.  All of it really b

I say that age is really just a number.  When you compare men who are sixty to me most of them are no where near where I am in life and in how I present myself.  It is not that I want to brag but let's all be honest, most men are looking a bit raggedy  at my age.  Why is that you may ask?  Well let me share this with you about me: I refuse to be old, be identified as old or feel like I am too old: Do not ever refer to yourself as old or use the word old in reference to yourself.  Stay in the mind set that you will never be too old to be cool, happy, active, funny, witty and look good all the time.  Just tell yourself that you are as old as you act and believe and you will stay in the fun zone.  When someone uses the word old, change that to the word "seasoned" and if anyone dares say you are old, just throw your head back and laugh loudly. I keep dancing: Dancing is the most fun one can have and a great way to remain active and moving about.  I keep dancing because

All of my life I have been guessed at 10-15 years younger than my chronological age.  In the past when people asked me what my secret was I did not have a definitive response but now at 62 I understand that there are some key reasons why people believe I am younger than what I am.  Just the other day at the phone store a young lady shared that I looked as though I was in my forties, not my sixties.  Although I thought it was a stretch to be mistaken for someone twenty years younger I know that there are some things I have done to maintain a youthful appearance, things that anyone can do: 1. Care about how you look:  One of the ways to look youthful is to look the part by wearing clothing that is up to date and fits you well.  Wearing nice clothing in natural rich fabrics will make any person look and feel better and when you feel better you look better.  Contrary to popular belief you can wear things that are in fashion at any age and there is no reason not to.  In fact wearing fash

Abuse has become the most serious issue in our society.  Much of this abuse is targeted towards women while children are not far behind.  We can stop the abuse with awareness, self-healing work, zero tolerance and compassion.  Here are my thoughts: Creating Awareness: We can never stop any negative acts without first creating an awareness of the issue.  We must be willing to face the issue of abuse and put a spotlight onto it.  This can be done in our school system by bringing the severity of abuse to our young people's awareness.  There needs to be a dialog in every classroom in every school starting in elementary school, in high schools and even in college classrooms.  We cannot let this issue take a quiet space somewhere in the back of our minds but rather raise the volume up on it and if need be loudly share our support of women and children being abused every day in our country.  Right now the volume is not high enough. Self-healing work: We need to understand that abuse

" You Intended To Harm Me, But God Intended It All For Good": Genesis 50:20 Every time I think of the past hurt I wonder how I was able to get through it.  I think about the cruelty and bullying I endured, holding it inside of me like a volcano about to erupt.  I had never in my life thought that I would be the one to tolerate such abuse yet what I did not know was that we are never above it and that abusive people are skilled at bullying while others are skilled at tolerating it.  I believe that people select people like me that are tolerant and that in some way are susceptible to abusers.  Throughout the years of nasty comments and racial slurs what I learned was that in order to stop it I had to get out and start over again.  I have since restructured my life and found that inside of my ability to tolerate is a little voice that says I am not worthy.  It was for me the very reason that I mistook negative attention as love and horrible treatment as the only thing I deser

Letting go of the past and the people in it that don't serve us is not easy yet it is possible to start over each time.  The thing about life is that we will be hurt and experience situations that will be hurtful.  Holding on to resentments is "like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die".  When we realize that the path to moving on and healing is right in front of us we can being to heal in ways we never imagined.  There are some simple ways to moving on and healing the resentments.  Here are a few:  Be forgiving:  Forgiveness is more about your highest good than anyone else.  The path to forgiveness really starts with you and the very first thing to do is to forgive yourself.  Making statements that are specific around forgiveness will help you to heal yourself and let go of any resentments: "I forgive myself for believing that I did not deserve better in my life", "I forgive myself for falsely believing that I was stupid for stayin

The only way we are going to stop the violence against women is to address it head on and make it a priority in our country.  All over the world women and girls are being abused and even sold like slaves.  It is up to all of us to put this dark issue to an end and insist that no woman or girl anywhere in the world be used or abused in the ugly ways we have historically done.  As a man I am ashamed of what men have done to women and to girls.  I feel responsible to help stop this abuse and have volunteered to work with abused women.  I believe that one of the mistakes we are making is that we don't understand that men have a part in the healing of abused women and girls.  We need to stand up and give of ourselves to help heal this epidemic. There are some basic ways that we can begin to put a complete stop to abuse against females, here are some: Report it every time: We must never witness abuse against women and not report it.  We must promote the reporting of every incident eve

Not to long ago a friend shared that he did not like being alone at home.  His solution to this was to be out all the time and every day possible.  I felt some concern for him and shared that I loved being at home alone and relaxing.  I went on to say that for me being at home by myself was relaxing and that I actually yearned for that alone time.   I went on to say that  I love sitting on my deck on my comfortable chair enjoying music, the reflection of the pond and the abundant nature around me.   Suddenly he responded with: "I would stay at home if I had a beautiful house like yours.  This of course made me feel some sadness for him, not because he could not create a great environment in his own apartment but because he seemed not to value himself enough to make where he lived a place he would love to spend more time in.   I am thankful to him because it prompted me to think about what we can ALL do to make a the space we live in SACRED, COMFORTABLE, ORGANIZED AND BEAUTIFUL.

With the holidays approaching many of us are thinking about the holidays and some of us are stressing about expenditures.  For too many the question: "How much is this holiday going to cost me, is a legitimate one". A lot of the holiday stress can be relieved in some truly easy ways.  Here's four of them:  1. Surrender and enjoy it:  Decide here and now that you are going to do your very best to enjoy the holidays.  Make plans to go events that are inspired by the holidays.  Take the time and surrender to the festivities and attend a few parties you may get an invitation to.  Surrendering is the best way to just enjoy the holidays by saying yes and making the best of it.  Turning it into a positive experience will help you to view the experience in a new and refreshing manner.  In this way you can enjoy it instead of stressing yourself out.   2. Don't stress, spend less:  Make a conscious decision to stay inside a budget and spend less than you have eve

Sometimes the holidays can be really stressful.  Thinking of things to do that are not filled with feelings of anxiety and stress can be tough for some, never mind the added stress  of dysfunctional family antics.  Every year I make it my goal to enjoy the holidays more and experience the least stress possible.  Although we may not find the perfect solution to the holiday madness we can enjoy the holidays more when we are intentional about finding light filled ways to brighten the holidays and lessen the stress.  Here are four of them: 1. Agree to buy gifts for children only or just your own children:  Many times it is the huge amount of money one spends that we dread and unfortunately that debt follows us for another year.  Agree to buy gifts for only minor children or for your own children and distribute them on Christmas day in each household with your own children.  The less money your family spends that better they will feel.  Explaining to the children that their gifts will co

Although it pained me as it did many Americans, Trump will soon be in the White House as our president.  As recently as a few days ago a very well dressed white supremest leader held a very well attended meeting where he did a complete dissertation focused on "White Power".  For me and for others, there is something frightening about groups like this one and the KKK that supported and got Trump into office.  The foremost concern is that Trump and his supporters have a plan for America that places the power in the hands of white Americans in particular.  It is all too sorted and is cause for much concern yet I for one have to believe that we can do some specific things to make it difficult for the "White Supremacists".  Here are some of the things we can do: 1. Pay close attention and take notice 2. Be ready to take action/protest and get involved 3. Stay positive and fearless (Love Does Trump Hate) 4. Know the laws (including the laws of the land) will prevail

Like many Americans I am in utter shock that an alleged criminal has won the highest ranking position in our county.  With allegations of swindling students through his online university to horrific comments made publicly targeting women and people of color.  Still he managed to rally the people who were in the closets and not so smart people that he is going to somehow change things in America for the better with his brute force.  I cannot imagine what the next four years will be like but I can only hope that we will find a way to impeach him.  The fact that he made it to this honorable position tells me that our country has some pretty warped understanding of life and leadership in America. I admit that in some way I am not surprised.  I think that our country people who are bigoted have in fact come out of the closets and are much more freely demonstrating their ignorance.  What I fear now is that we will become more overt about our bigotry and racism.  That we will fall back into

No doubt there will be many people who will experience what we call the "holiday blues".  For many the holidays feel like a reminder of their lonely feelings and the people who die before them.  Some express their dislike for the holidays and like other holidays, Valentine's Day, New Year's Eve and Secretaries Day they feel as though the people who profit the most are the merchants who promote each one to make more money.  Yet in spite of all of this, we can experience joy during the holidays and have a Merry Christmas if we just set that intention and plan it.  By staying in bed and turning off the lights we may be able to experience a temporary relief nothing but confronting it and reframing the holidays is the best way to heal. Adopt a family: There are legitimately  people that do not have any family members around them during the holiday season for various reasons including that their family experience is not one that is loving and connected.  In this case I

There are so many reasons to get the blues during the holidays that I could not possible share them all.  From family disfunctional behaviors to a death of a family member to a break up.  All are good reasons to be a little blue shortly before or during the holidays.  Here are some ways to cope: 1.  Don't feel obligated: The mere fact that one feels obligated to celebrate holidays will bring us down.  Try to look at the holidays and your participation as optional.  No one can force you to do something you simply don't feel like doing.  The less obligated you feel the more likely you may enjoy it by just making it an intentional choice.  Or not. 2. Limit the merriment: Carve out a small amount of time to participate in the merriment of the holidays by deciding ahead of time how long you will be into it and in it.  Don't commit to hours of partying or staying until Uncle Jack gets drunk and sits on your lap.  Limit the time you will be in attendance and leave before the

I am currently not in a relationship and happily single.  I am enjoying this time in my life and over the span of about 3 years I have come to a place of expertise in being single and being joyous around it.  But there is something a bit ironic about my life and that is that I have worked successfully with many couples in distress and with lots of single women who are pondering relationship, some wondering why they are single, some falsely wanting to be in a relationship, not out of good but out of neediness. Relationships are tough and knowing what to look for when you start one up helps us to go about this emotionally charged journey.  Here are some solid tips and things to look at and think about: 1. Do not get intimately physical too fast/too soon.  2. Do not move in or stay in the same place until. 3. Do not tell your secrets: not until you know the person can be trusted.  4. Check in with your needs vs your wants. 5. Reserve the four letter word: Love is that four letter

I like to remind myself that what others think of me is really none of my business and if they make it my business I will "tally up all my evil thoughts" and not take it personal.  What you and I fail at doing is that at the very least what others think of us, true or not, is a feeling that we don't have to own.  It did not come from us nor should we trust what someone else says as who we are. No one has a right to judge you and so with that being clear we must understand that when others point their fingers at us in judgement that four fingers and in fact pointing back at them.  Often times what we see as a flaw in someone we often times know it to be our own flaw.  When in fact it is so clear to us who we are nothing anyone says will effect our joy.  In fact, what the other person doing the pointing does not seem to know is that we already know who we are. For many people life is already a daily struggle.  Seeing the good in mankind is not easy and living and workin

These are four ways to put a stop to procrastination before it takes over your dreams:  Address the negative self-talk/feelings : Asking yourself why you are procrastinating is at the core of resolving it.  Is it fear of failure or could it be that you are overextended?  Whatever the feeling is that you know is in the way of accomplishing something you know you should do or want to do be honest about it and address it by talking yourself out of it or by seeking the help you feel you need.  The only way to address the feelings is by admitting to them.  Just knowing what is keeping you down can be helpful and healing. Examine your habits: Bad and addictive habits can be the reason you have not sprung into action sooner.  Even a mild habit like watching too much TV can be the culprit to your procrastinating.  We are creatures of habits and in some cases bad habits.  We find ways to avoid doing what we know we should do and remarkably for many years.  The only way to stop the procra

There are literally hundreds of things men can do to be sexy.  In one study women sighted that a man's way of  licking his lips is sexy.  Having worked mainly with woman in my coaching work I have heard a number of things that they women have shared are alluring and sexy in men.  Here are some ideas for my amigos out there looking to not just be pleased by their lady but also to please her: 1.  Do some housework in an apron:  Yes, the key element here is the apron.  If it is her apron that would work but maybe consider a new cool one that says something witty.  There are a lot of colors but think about the one she likes on you and get that one.  Women have shared that a man doing housework is sexy and if you just happen to lose the shirt even better. 2.  Wear sexy new underwear: Jump right out of the shower and into some knit boxer briefs in her fave color or a pattern that is cool.  The trick here is to look casual as if you'd not intended to look all enticing.  Go ahead