Starting In Relationship: 8 Solid Tips
I am currently not in a relationship and happily single. I am enjoying this time in my life and over the span of about 3 years I have come to a place of expertise in being single and being joyous around it. But there is something a bit ironic about my life and that is that I have worked successfully with many couples in distress and with lots of single women who are pondering relationship, some wondering why they are single, some falsely wanting to be in a relationship, not out of good but out of neediness.
Relationships are tough and knowing what to look for when you start one up helps us to go about this emotionally charged journey. Here are some solid tips and things to look at and think about:
1. Do not get intimately physical too fast/too soon.
2. Do not move in or stay in the same place until.
3. Do not tell your secrets: not until you know the person can be trusted.
4. Check in with your needs vs your wants.
5. Reserve the four letter word: Love is that four letter word.
6. Listen more than you speak.
7. Be interested not interesting.
8. Pay attention to the yellow flags.
Although anyone can make the mistake of entering into a sexual encounter before getting to know someone, attraction does not equal long term satisfaction. In fact getting physical so quickly will likely cloud your perceptions, awareness and reality. It is in fact placing the cart before the horse and women are the ones who end up getting judged the harshest for jumping into bed too soon.
One of the worse things people do is meet and then shortly afterwards literally or figuratively move in together. When someone stays and does not leave they have set the tone for moving in even if they do not bring their toothbrush with them. Allowing someone to stay overnight after only a few weeks is an immature decision based on neediness. We may not want to admit it but it's one of the mortal mistakes to starting a relationship that you want to become more serious. It is too much too soon.
Sharing your secrets is really just sharing too much too soon. Reserving the serious aspects of your life makes more sense than telling it all up front. There may never be a need for you to share everything personal about you because at first you don't know how long the relationship will last. It is an "encounter" not a relationship when you date someone for six months. Waiting to share deep feelings, emotions, secrets and data about yourself is a more mature way to begin a connection with someone you meet but do not know well.
There is an acute difference between need and want. When we need to be in a relationship with somone we are literally asking for trouble. We should be dating or starting a relationship out of want and out of making a conscious decision. Not because we are desperate and need to have someone in our life. Learning to be single and happy before you start any dating connection will help you to know that you are in it because you are ready for it.
Don't tell someone "I LOVE you when in fact you are not sure yet. Using this word is a yellow flag when someone shares it with you soon into meeting them. A word that is so important to any relationship must be reserved for the appropriate time and after one gets to know another person very well. If someone is repeatedly telling you that they love you too soon it is a red flag and you might consider running quickly away.
Be a good listener and reserved your words. In the beginning this will be helpful in getting to know the person you are dating. The more you talk the more you will miss about the other person. In a way you are letting the other person reveal themselves to you by being more of an observer.
Be interested and try not to be worried about looking interesting or appearing smart. Being interested means that you ask the questions and show interest in the person you are connecting with. When a relationship is new the very best way to get to know a person is to let them share what they are interested in. We are much too busy looking interesting and do so little to show interest in someone we are interested in getting to know. This goes along with being a great listener.
Within the first few dates you will typically sense some yellow flags or mild warning signals. Pay attention to the yellow flags and know that often times they become red ones. Being in denial is the main reason people fall into a false trap with someone they believe is "a nice person". It will take more than being nice to make a relationship last.
Take notes my friends.
Relationships are tough and knowing what to look for when you start one up helps us to go about this emotionally charged journey. Here are some solid tips and things to look at and think about:
1. Do not get intimately physical too fast/too soon.
2. Do not move in or stay in the same place until.
3. Do not tell your secrets: not until you know the person can be trusted.
4. Check in with your needs vs your wants.
5. Reserve the four letter word: Love is that four letter word.
6. Listen more than you speak.
7. Be interested not interesting.
8. Pay attention to the yellow flags.
Although anyone can make the mistake of entering into a sexual encounter before getting to know someone, attraction does not equal long term satisfaction. In fact getting physical so quickly will likely cloud your perceptions, awareness and reality. It is in fact placing the cart before the horse and women are the ones who end up getting judged the harshest for jumping into bed too soon.
One of the worse things people do is meet and then shortly afterwards literally or figuratively move in together. When someone stays and does not leave they have set the tone for moving in even if they do not bring their toothbrush with them. Allowing someone to stay overnight after only a few weeks is an immature decision based on neediness. We may not want to admit it but it's one of the mortal mistakes to starting a relationship that you want to become more serious. It is too much too soon.
Sharing your secrets is really just sharing too much too soon. Reserving the serious aspects of your life makes more sense than telling it all up front. There may never be a need for you to share everything personal about you because at first you don't know how long the relationship will last. It is an "encounter" not a relationship when you date someone for six months. Waiting to share deep feelings, emotions, secrets and data about yourself is a more mature way to begin a connection with someone you meet but do not know well.
There is an acute difference between need and want. When we need to be in a relationship with somone we are literally asking for trouble. We should be dating or starting a relationship out of want and out of making a conscious decision. Not because we are desperate and need to have someone in our life. Learning to be single and happy before you start any dating connection will help you to know that you are in it because you are ready for it.
Don't tell someone "I LOVE you when in fact you are not sure yet. Using this word is a yellow flag when someone shares it with you soon into meeting them. A word that is so important to any relationship must be reserved for the appropriate time and after one gets to know another person very well. If someone is repeatedly telling you that they love you too soon it is a red flag and you might consider running quickly away.
Be a good listener and reserved your words. In the beginning this will be helpful in getting to know the person you are dating. The more you talk the more you will miss about the other person. In a way you are letting the other person reveal themselves to you by being more of an observer.
Be interested and try not to be worried about looking interesting or appearing smart. Being interested means that you ask the questions and show interest in the person you are connecting with. When a relationship is new the very best way to get to know a person is to let them share what they are interested in. We are much too busy looking interesting and do so little to show interest in someone we are interested in getting to know. This goes along with being a great listener.
Within the first few dates you will typically sense some yellow flags or mild warning signals. Pay attention to the yellow flags and know that often times they become red ones. Being in denial is the main reason people fall into a false trap with someone they believe is "a nice person". It will take more than being nice to make a relationship last.
Take notes my friends.
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