Coach Elliott

When my internet goes out as it did last night I was unable to write my blog, watch my favorite stations on my iPad or buy music from iTunes.  Many of the usual options work including sending emails to others.  It is frustrating to say the least but it is more about our addiction to the internet and the impersonal way we live on Faeebook and Twitter.  When we are lonely we turn to the internet in order to fill some form of a void and when it does not work we are faced with an opportunity to become creative or to do something other than to spend hours on mindless scrolling through the sometimes mindless posts on FB, from dogs dancing merengue to people being accosted by their dog by the hem of their pants. When your internet goes out become the creative person you already are.  Do the things that you fail to do when you are on the internet.  Read a self-realization book, meditate or pray, make something with your hands, go out to the movies, take yourself out dancing or call a friend.

Continued: 7. Friendships usually last longer.  Many times our friends are there when even the person who claims to love us is not.  In fact many times friends are who we turn to when our relationships go sour.  When our lovers and spouses leave us behind for something "greener".  or younger.  In life our friends are often more loyal than our own spouses.  They unlike some spouses will tell us the truth and love us until we are able to love ourselves. 8. Racism and bigotry is effecting all of us.  Racism and the poor treatment of others who are not so called "white" or powerful is destroying our country.  Wars are still being justified in the name of saving a religion on race or putting them to a stop.  Racism hurts others and in turn they hurt forward.  When we dislike others due to their race we are going against the very fiber of what is love and spirituality.  Every time someone is treated poorly, made fun of or hurt due to race  we are deeper in our own dar

As I recall the sitcom on TV titled "The Facts of Life" I cannot help but to think about the real facts of life.  What are they are why are they so important to know?  I also wonder why we ponder this taught so often that we cannot stop thinking about it.  What is life about and what are the facts I need to know?  A question many ask of themselves. Here are the facts of life: 1. We are born and then we die not knowing when. 2. We get what we give, with few exceptions. 3. Boundaries are important to set with everyone in our  life. 4. There are necessary losses and endings. 5. Loving yourself is way more important than loving someone else. 6. We are destroying our environment and we are in danger. 7. Friendship is usually more enduring than one love. 8. Racism is effecting all of us. 9. Be the person you expect others to be. 10. You can only change yourself. 11. You get what you think most about. 12. Stay in gratitude not platitude. The very first of the 12 fac

Many of us have wondered why we feel so little of ourselves.  Others have been feeling without value because we were somehow made to believe this myth.  While others feel low because we have been beat down so much by life and at times by abusive connections: jobs, relationships and experiences.  Some of us are so angry that we have literally commited crimes like killing or beating up someone.  Whatever happened to make us devalue ourselves there are sure fire ways of upping our value. By intentionally thinking about loving ourselves we can do a few things that will lift our spirit like: 1. Take a course in an area that you would like to improve upon or that you feel would resonate for you.  A dance class, a photo shop class or a sewing class could lift your spirit and make you feel better.  A simple action like this can lift you up. 2. Do a self make over.  Get a few pieces of clothing that fit you well and flatter you.  Choose colors that you like or just get some basics that yo

We all have had times when we are swallowed up by negative thoughts and behaviors.  We get lost in a series of complaints and judgements of ourselves and others.  The up side is that we can avoid it and we can even release it.  We don't have to live a negative life and we don't have to wait till we are 64 to be wise enough to know that it is consuming us. Being negatie is harmful to you and others around you but most of all to you.  You want to avoid it because it will take you down and steal your joy and your success.  Negativity will also make us physically and emtoinally ill.  It is not easy to avoid negative behavior, especially when people you work or live with are in a constant state of fear, jealousy and resentment. With all this said here are some ways to avoid what you don't want in your life: A: Do not talk about negative things B: Surround yourself with loving people who are happy and positive C: Ride the wave and believe that what is bothering you will p

If we were fearless we'd not be hesitant to do anything and everything we wanted to do.  All our dreams would come true and we would have all the things we wanted and needed.  If we were fearless the sky really would be the limit and we could almost bring down the moon and give it to someone we love.  If we were fearless we would not worry about the next step, we would just do it and run with it.  If we were without fear we would not allow one thing or  person to ever get in our way.  It is the fearless people who take chances and usually end up winning.  The fearless people become president of their company and travel to exotic places like India or Greece alone. Fear gets in the way of a lot of things we do.  Fear stops us in our tracks and we freeze up no longer going for our dreams and feeling discomfort at jumping in feet first.  Fear makes us believe we cannot do this or that and that we won't be able to make it through the tough times.  Fear makes us save all our money

When mothers abuse their power they raise men who are insecure and manipulative, men who are in denial and who won't get help for their issues.  When mothers control rather than support their sons they raise boys who become men that are controlling and abusive.  When mothers raise boys to be ashamed of their sexuality or being gay they raise men who are self-hating and homophobic, critical of themselves and other gay people.  They raise men who try so hard to be masculine and  macho they shame men who are feminine and point their fingers.  When mothers raise men in an unkept environment they raise men who don't help in the home and who live an unkept and unclean life in their home.  When mothers abuse their power by putting their nose into their relationships as men they disrespect their sons and their partners and are destructive forces.  When mothers behave in ways that are incest of the mind they have a complex they pass on to their sons that manifest in sexual issues.  Th

I wish there were a magical way to figure out who a person really is.  In a world where there is so much deciption and lies we must trust that we can figure people out before we get too involved.  There may not be one good way to figure out who a person is, especially when they are so good at hiding it and telling stories.  People often times convince themselves that they are nice.  I recall a co-worker telling me how nice she was.  Before I could even think about it my response was: "If you were nice you would not need to tell me that".  Later I realized that my words were profound.  I had said something that turned out to be true every single time I met a person who told me something like what she said about being a nice person.  I also realized that it is not enough to appear to be a nice person or be a polite person who was in reality a bully or not such a nice person.  From manipulative people all the way to people who will take the silverware from a hotel there are many

" Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself.  They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused."  Alan Cohen I often find inspiration in others work such as this one by Alan Cohen.  This is also one that my daughter and best friend sent me.  She seems to often know what I need to hear or may be led by spirit to share something like this with me.  I who have been through the darkness and been rejected and ignored  by some in my life who not only could not understand my pain but took it personally and did exactly what Don Miguel Ruiz asks us not to do in his profound little book "The Four Agreements".   I recall the actress Demi Moore stating about her daughter: "I could only love her until she loved herself".  A woman who danced on "Dancing with the Stars" and won the trophy.

The purpose of healing yourself of your own pain and the things you have been carrying around will not only be of service to you but also to others.  I stopped counting how many people I have met who are unhealed and who have not just projected their pain onto me they literally were difficult and at times even mean spirited towards me.  Admittedly I likely did the same when I was in my thirties but thanks to spirit source I have been working on healing myself for many years now.  Healing from the pain of being left by my father when I was about six years old, healing from the verbal and physical abuse of a mom who was in terrible pain and agony over her husband leaving her.  Healing from the pain of racist people who were ignorant and displaced their hate of people of color onto me.  Healing from the jobs where people spent a lot of time trying back stabbbing each other for a position or money or both.  Healing from the pain of homophobia and the self-hate that I felt around being gay.

"We can turn every set back into a come back" I am not sure who said this on an Oprah Super Soul Sunday show but it surely caught my attention.  It was a reverend in fact who apparently preached to famous actors and singers.  He happens to be Black and although I was doing some housework I caught some of the jest of his interview.  It is a simple statement with a powerful meaning.  We really can turn a set back into a come back and in fact I feel like I know this firsthand.  I also believe that most of us have at one time or another, made a complete come back.  In fact with intention I have and you can as well. What does this statement mean?  To me it means that I can take a situation and turn it around.  I can make my experiences and our pain into a win because we learn from every single thing that happens to us.  In fact my experience with cancer has been my most profound and important lesson on turning pain into love and turning an experience that was painful and sad t

Many of us are simply not interested in finding love and in fact are happy being single.  This blog is not for those people and might I add, good for them.  Not everyone wants to be in a love relationship but for those of us who do here are some simple tips: 1.  Write 10 characteristics of the person you consider your ideal love connection. 2.  Visualize meeting someone and write about the experience as if it were happening today. 3.  Create a vision or dream board collage with pictures that represent love. 4.  Get involved in activites where you might meet someone or an online dating. 5.  Ask people you know if they know someone single that is looking. Writing the ten things you feel are ideal in a person you would like to be with makes it more realistic and can likely manifest someone special into your life.  By writing down the things you are looking for in a person you are asking the universe to bring that kind of person into your life.  Once you have the list place it in a

"Be quiet when you are serving, the house should feel empty when you are in it". This quote comes from the movie the butler.  This is a movie that is based on a true story of the plight of Blacks from the vantage point of a man who as a child watched his master kill his father by shooting him on the forehead and eventually became what in tose days was called "a house nigger".  Soon after this little boy is an adulte and is looking to become a butler.  He says to the Black gentleman who is a butler for a rich family that he knew how to e a good "house nigger".  The mentor slaps him and says to him "Don't ever use that word.  That word is for the white man and is full of hate". I am uncertain as to how much progress we have made as men of color as evidenced by the larger number of men or color in our jails and the fact that white men can commit incredibly horrid crimes and get out of jail in five years or not spend any time in jail.  I am n

None of us know what we will do when we are dealt the "C" card.  We are unsure at first if we dreamt the diagnosis or whether it was actually what the doctor said to us.  Some of us take time to digest that kind of serious health news and others begin to fight right away.  The way I see it we can become a victim or a warrior and although my abusive partner called me a victim repeatedly and said "It is not all about you, Elliott" I knew that in order to get past his own self hate and mounring I would have to become like a warrior and fight the good fight on my own.  There was really no other choice but to go down fast or lift myself up, brush myself off and clean myself up emotionally and spiritually.  I became a warrior for my own cause, one that I fought with just my daughters and very few friends.  While some ran including my partner, others showed up for me and loved me through some part of it.  I know that now it took a warrior mentality to endure, survive and l

I have thought long and hard about this idea of five life lessons.  If I had to pick five lessons that would have the most impact, be the most important and create the most wisdom.  I am now a ripe sixty one and I admit I don't know much.  I only know what I know and usually I say to others "I don't really know anything" because frankly I know very little and I would estimate that you also know very little.  We wish we could figure out the very things that we cannot, but what is meaningful is what we get from the big life lessons.  Here are mine as I see them: Number One: Life is Short Know that life is short and that we should do as much as we like as often as we like.  We might also want to select the things that are the most fun but also the things that stimulate us and help us to grow.  Life is too short to waste on the things we don't like to do like overwork ourselves or stay at home watching horror movies day in and day out.  Look at life as one day at a

A divorce is when one or two people decide to legally or spiritually end a relationship.  For some it is sad while for other it is a relief and a happy ending.  I have had a number of relationships that have ended including a marriage and currently another marriage.  The feeling at first is sad but as time goes on one learns to accept it as a part of life.  Relationships start and end.  People live and then they die. Things are not usually permanent and we should not look at them as such.  To view relationship as forever is almost delusional if not bordering on ridiculous.  The fact is that fifty percent if not more of marriages end in divorce and for good reasons.  For some it is abuse while for others it is neglect while for some it is infidelity. Yet what does divorce really mean?  It believe it means many things but the most meaningful is that if we are loving we see this as a chance to begin a new life, a life of loving ourselves more and of grieving and finding our joy once mor

I believe that all of us who live in a home have the potential to make it sacred, a sanctuary.  We spend a lot of time at home it we are in the group of people who are normal  In fact we spend the same amount of time at home or more than in any other place, including work.  Or at least we should.  There have been so many people who do not consider their home a sanctuary or sacred in any manner.  Some are hoarders and others are simply people who don't place any importance on home and hearth.  There are many Americans who live basically like animals in environments that are dirty and even unhealthy at risking their children in the interim.  There are children who live in places that no one should have to live in, embarrassed to have friends over due to the condition that their mothers and fathers live in.  We don't have to leave the United States to experience situations that are not sanitary and that are in fact frightening.  How we make our home our sanctuary is not as importa

In most relationship break ups there is residue of feelings like resentment and even more severe ones where we may feel like we hate the person.  For some we are angry and feeling hate for good reason like being abused for a number of years and even being sexually molested by a person we had a relationship with.  It is crucial to our own mental health and physical being to find ways to channel that hatred or feelings of hell as Buddhist would define it.  Being in that state of hell is harmful only to you and so finding your way out of that hellish state is very important to your healing and beginning anew. Here are some tips on how to go from hell to a heavenly state once you have terminated a relationship: 1.  Pray, chant or meditate for him and for you. Lift him up to the light. 2.  Write that good bye "Dear John" letter and don't send it to him. 3.  Do a lot of self-work and self-evaluation and self-nurturing. 4.  Stay very active most of the time. 5.  Eat well

I have been around the block as they say.  I have lived a very full life and experienced many types of people of every background and status, males and females.  I have been called a friend by people who I barely see or know and called a friend by people I love that I don't see often but who stay in touch with me.  There are, I admit, frustrations in friendships for me and there have been people who I have taken off my list as a friend simply because they are unresponsive and today I know what I need, an active friend.  One who calls and invites me out and one who is interactive.  I just don't have the time any more to chase anyone and feel like I am trying to win them over as if we were in high school. Many of you are likely in the middle of a  decision about a relationship with a friend, likely one who you have known for a number of years.  Many of us are struggling with what our own criteria is of maintaining a friendship or continuing one that feels unlike real friendship

We have all caught ourselves swearing or gossiping or using our lips to put others down, but what we need badly is a censor and rules we follow no matter what the situation.  We stick to the rule of not doing an action by making a commitment.  We caugth ourselves before someone else does.   It may not mean anything to you to catch yourself before you dig your own grave but quite honestly you are the one that needs it most.  If you are telling yourself you don't need to watch what you do and say you are likely in some denil.   I know that in my own life had a I caught myself doing and saying what I have I would have saved myself some major pain.  Not that I did not get  pleasure from telling someone off here and there, just that I got caught as they say.  Let me be real with you about it.   I say like the black woman comedian Debra Williams, "I need a snack.  

"Rie, rie, rie que para llorar sobra el tiempo".  Singer: Albita from Cuba Laugh, laugh, laugh for there is plentyof leftover time to cry. I love these lyrics in the Albita song because they are so very truthful.  We should laugh as often as possible for there is plenty of occassions to cry.  I especially love it now because for a while there I had gone to crying often, in fact, almosty daily.  I am no longer crying as much but rather findiingg reasons to be hopeful, happy and in a state of laughter.  I have done plenty of crying.  I bet some of you have as well and are perhaps as tired as I am of it.  No more tears?  Well, maybe so but not as often and not about the same old stuff.  It is time to laugh at the things that have occured to me because today I look incredible and feel pretty good.  Today is a good day and I will latch onto that place of feeling good about me and about life. Laughter is healing and most of us know it  because most of us have laughed and felt

Today I am watching "Super Soul Sunday" with Oprah.  It is a spiritual program and Oprah is fearless  about what she presents and who she has as a guest: Deepak Chopra, Shirley McClaine, Eckart Tolle, Iyanla Vanzant and Maya Angelou.  She presents whatever she feels and those people who may be considered odd, openly and boldly. This afternoon Oprah shared a "short" that addressed the beauty of nature, in particular the oak tree.  Along with the pictures in the short film Oprah read a poem likely by the same person who might have written it.  At one point the short talks about how light pours into us and says that the oak tree pours light into us.  I took that to mean that nature pours light into us and then started to think about what pours light into me.  This is what I believe: God pours light into us.  God is the entity you believe it to be.  God may be empowerment or inner source for you.  God is has different name and meaning for others.  For some Buddha is

I like to think that in sixty one years of life I have become a better version of the person I was when I was younger and more invested in my ego.  I also like to think that each of us has the ability to become our very best self, but the truth of it is t that we have to be willing to do the work required and become more truthful about how we behave and how we do things in life.  We can become our best self or our highest self by taking a look at ourselves honestly and then doing some basic things that will carry us to that place where we become a better version of who we already are.  Yes, who we already are.  With that said, let's take a look at some ways to become our best self: List your talents and then act on them: Make a list of the things that you are good at.  What are your talents?  Write each one down and talk a little about how you view that talent and why you would like to be able to express it.  Select one of these talents and begin to practice it by doing somethin

I have thought about my own life and partners throughout my life.  I would perhaps be considered one of those who had too many partners.  Some were addicted to alcohol, some to marijuana, some to cocaine while others were racist, homophobic and in the closet and one, a woman was a loving and kind person although we were married much too young.  In each relationship I experienced a different personality and a different belief system.  In one case almost everything was based on lies.  Is this really love?  I would say not. Compromise : One of the most important characteristics of a loving partner is his or her willingness to compromise. This can involve our partner doing things with us that we like to do even if he or she does not love it as much as we do.  A person who loves us compromises and will do things for us just because we ask for it knowing that if they would like us to compromise they must do the same. Serving : Another way that a person truly loves us is by serving us.

" The Idea of Life as a Fairy Tale is in Itself a Fairy Tale. " This quote is from Grace Kelly who became the princess of Monaco.  She as some know her was an actess.  I was intriqued by this statement and found that it resonated as the truth for me.  Life is a fairy tale if this is how we perceive it.  Grace Kelly battled and lived between two worlds and much like Princess Dianne she had to pick between the world of royalty and the world of acting, the latter the monarchy would not accept.  Grace felt that she should and would be able to do both: be an actress and be a princess.  Even her own mother did not support her being an actress and a princess, feeling that the role of princess was more important.  She once said to her " You are not an actress anymore, now you are just a princess".  Her idea was that life as a fary tale is in itself a fairy tale.  She had to live out her dreams in her head because she could not be an actress (her fairy tale) and be a princ

I find that if I listen to my body, mind or spirit and do what it is asking for then it will reboot.  Not only weill I feel bettter I will become more energetic and vibrant in every way.  Sometimes that requires me to sleep for 12 hours and other times it requires me to do some form of exercise.  Other times our intutiion is asking us to go outside. Here are some ways you can reboot your body, mind and spirit: 1.  Sleep and Solitude: When you are aware that your body needs rest get some rest.  You will become irritated easily when you are tired and for those of us who work for 10-12 hours a day this may be the only way you are going to be able to reboot and feel energetic.  Sleep is important to the body and the solitude of sleeping relaxes your mind at the same time.  When you reboot your body by sleeping make sure that you are in a place where you are alone and have uninterrupted time alone.  Shut the world out and shut all those things out that might be an obstacle to your gett

If you would like to begin to change your life this is the blog you want to read carefully.  It all starts with your old story and ends with the new one.  It is a powerful way to start to change your life circumstances and your past into something brighter and better.  Into more of who you really are spiritually, physically and emotionally.  Are you ready? Many of us are holding on to what I call our "old story".  In our old life story we are jilted, resentful, angry about something or someone or depressed and upset .  In our new story we take back our joy and we feel happy, excited, playful and hopeful.  We chose which one we want to continue to live.  The old story of our life or the new one?  We and we alone can make that decision and here is where to start. Take ten minutes to quiet your mind.  Time the minutes with a stop watch or alarm.  You may like to put some meditation music on.  I have a station programmed into my devises that works well for me.  Silence your s