Self Shame Kills

Self shame can occur to us in so many different ways and forms and when we shame ourselves or another person we are killing our spirit and doing that to another.  Shame is when you make others feel in your words and deeds like they are bad and there is no chance of forgiveness.  In fact we can shame someone so much that they literally commit suicide because of it.  Shame kills.  There is no doubt in my mind about this simple fact.

I was shamed as a child about being too feminine and other things.  I was shamed about wanting to design dresses or sew when I was young.  For many years in my life I wished myself dead.  I would stay up at night and ask God to take me home.  I would have nightmares on a daily basis about dying and being killed.  What was happening to me was about shame and being shamed is the worse thing we can do to a little boy.  It felt like I was shamed for living and breathing too much air.  It felt like I was shamed because I was not bringing money into the household and I was only five at the time.  Shame made me so angry that I broke my own toys.  I did not know what to do with that anger.  I took it out on myself most of the time and sas time went on there were times I took it out on a family member or a sibling.  I would shame others in hope of healing and it made it worse.  Shame is a funny thing in that if you pass it on you are more shamed than before.  That is because we internalized it and you are angry, so much that you pass that bad karma on.

We especially shame our little girls starting at a very young age.  We shame our boys too.  We start in school where teachers tell little boys like me that their handwriting is like that of a serial killer or that their heritage is unknown.  Ignorance leads to shaming and there were people in my life who were ignoraant, even more recenlty.  People who still bash blacks and jews.  People who are ashamed of their own existance and feel like this will help them to feel better when in essence it makes matters much much worse.  Shame is a killer because it hurts to the core to be told you are nothing or that you are useless.  It fosters anger and resentments.  It can only lead to death.

Let's remember not to shame ourselves or others.  Let's be aware of the damage this causes.  Let's instead lift others and give them acalades for their beauty and their courage.  We are here, not to shame others, but to lift them up.  When a mother shames her little girl for not crossing her legs she is damaging that little girls self worth.  When a father is never satified with his son he is driving that son to do things that are out of anger, like rape or kill someone.  When an adult abuses a child by sexually molesting them that child is shamed and scared for life.  We can not erase shame.  We cannot continue to shame or we will become a world of regrets.  It is that simple.