The Five Signs of Real Friends
I have been around the block as they say. I have lived a very full life and experienced many types of people of every background and status, males and females. I have been called a friend by people who I barely see or know and called a friend by people I love that I don't see often but who stay in touch with me. There are, I admit, frustrations in friendships for me and there have been people who I have taken off my list as a friend simply because they are unresponsive and today I know what I need, an active friend. One who calls and invites me out and one who is interactive. I just don't have the time any more to chase anyone and feel like I am trying to win them over as if we were in high school.
Many of you are likely in the middle of a decision about a relationship with a friend, likely one who you have known for a number of years. Many of us are struggling with what our own criteria is of maintaining a friendship or continuing one that feels unlike real friendship. Questioning our relationships with others is natural and the reality is that we may go from one relationship with a friend to another one, ending some of the ones we feel are not to our liking. We may even feel like something is missing and that it is time to move on. In my own life my health has forced me to think about friendships and who is really a friend and who is really not.
I have now found myself questioning what the signs of true blue friendship are and what I came up with was this:
A real friend:
1. Spends time and makes time for you.
2. Is responsive!
3. Is available or does their best to be there when you are in need.
4. Tells you how they feel about you in words and in writing.
5. Stays connected versus disconnected.
A real friend spends time with you and does things with you like going to a movie, meeting you for dinner or having you over to their home. They share their time with you and at the very least check in on you at reasonable intervals. They are not absent for months at a time.
A true friend is responsive. They are not those people you email or text who don't respond to your calls or messages or attempts at connecting. They are not people who don't respond to the love you share with them. Although you should not expect exactly the same amount of attention you give others they will be reasonably responsive. If a person does not respond for long periods of time it is likely you should move one. Holding on to this unequal relationship is harmful to our spirit.
A good friend is available and is there when you need them. They show up when you share that you are sad or in need of mentoring or chatting. They let you know on occasion that they are there for you and take the time to share that with you.
A true friend will express how they feel about you. They will put it in writing eventually in the form of a card, letter or email. A true friend lets you know how much they care about you or love you. Love is part of the equation of friendship and expressing feelings is another.
A true blue friend stays connected. They find ways to stay connected to you. They create creative ways to see you and stay connected. They reach out to you often and to let you know they are there for you. A true friend likes to connect with you and is not afraid of intimacy and love.
I held on to relationships with people whom I finally figured out were not meeting my needs as a person in a friendship. They were not doing the things that anyone would do to maintain and nurture a friendship, in fact they were aloof. It became embarrassing for me in a way although I admit that was my ego. However, being a good friend myself and doing all the things that I have listed earlier I felt that it was time to let go. Leaving a message, writing an email or sending cards to certain people became a waste of my time. Even though I tried to love people I deemed were friends they were unwilling or unable to love me back. I have looked at myself and my own pattern and what I came up with was that I am a good friend and deserve better. Knowing when to move on is crucial.
Many of you are likely in the middle of a decision about a relationship with a friend, likely one who you have known for a number of years. Many of us are struggling with what our own criteria is of maintaining a friendship or continuing one that feels unlike real friendship. Questioning our relationships with others is natural and the reality is that we may go from one relationship with a friend to another one, ending some of the ones we feel are not to our liking. We may even feel like something is missing and that it is time to move on. In my own life my health has forced me to think about friendships and who is really a friend and who is really not.
I have now found myself questioning what the signs of true blue friendship are and what I came up with was this:
A real friend:
1. Spends time and makes time for you.
2. Is responsive!
3. Is available or does their best to be there when you are in need.
4. Tells you how they feel about you in words and in writing.
5. Stays connected versus disconnected.
A real friend spends time with you and does things with you like going to a movie, meeting you for dinner or having you over to their home. They share their time with you and at the very least check in on you at reasonable intervals. They are not absent for months at a time.
A true friend is responsive. They are not those people you email or text who don't respond to your calls or messages or attempts at connecting. They are not people who don't respond to the love you share with them. Although you should not expect exactly the same amount of attention you give others they will be reasonably responsive. If a person does not respond for long periods of time it is likely you should move one. Holding on to this unequal relationship is harmful to our spirit.
A good friend is available and is there when you need them. They show up when you share that you are sad or in need of mentoring or chatting. They let you know on occasion that they are there for you and take the time to share that with you.
A true friend will express how they feel about you. They will put it in writing eventually in the form of a card, letter or email. A true friend lets you know how much they care about you or love you. Love is part of the equation of friendship and expressing feelings is another.
A true blue friend stays connected. They find ways to stay connected to you. They create creative ways to see you and stay connected. They reach out to you often and to let you know they are there for you. A true friend likes to connect with you and is not afraid of intimacy and love.
I held on to relationships with people whom I finally figured out were not meeting my needs as a person in a friendship. They were not doing the things that anyone would do to maintain and nurture a friendship, in fact they were aloof. It became embarrassing for me in a way although I admit that was my ego. However, being a good friend myself and doing all the things that I have listed earlier I felt that it was time to let go. Leaving a message, writing an email or sending cards to certain people became a waste of my time. Even though I tried to love people I deemed were friends they were unwilling or unable to love me back. I have looked at myself and my own pattern and what I came up with was that I am a good friend and deserve better. Knowing when to move on is crucial.
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