What Is Divorce?
A divorce is when one or two people decide to legally or spiritually end a relationship. For some it is sad while for other it is a relief and a happy ending. I have had a number of relationships that have ended including a marriage and currently another marriage. The feeling at first is sad but as time goes on one learns to accept it as a part of life. Relationships start and end. People live and then they die. Things are not usually permanent and we should not look at them as such. To view relationship as forever is almost delusional if not bordering on ridiculous. The fact is that fifty percent if not more of marriages end in divorce and for good reasons. For some it is abuse while for others it is neglect while for some it is infidelity.
Yet what does divorce really mean? It believe it means many things but the most meaningful is that if we are loving we see this as a chance to begin a new life, a life of loving ourselves more and of grieving and finding our joy once more. The possibilities are endless and I see them clearly as:
A chance to become more of who you are:
Separating from a person is an opportunity to to be more of who you were before you got involved with someone and to get back who you really are. It is a chance to grow and do things that you should have done long ago and that now you can freely do and enjoy. Look upon divorce as an opportunity and not so much as a loss. Get out there and dance, sing, travel, sing and create new experiences and new friends.
A chance to reflect:
Divorce can either make you upset and down on yourself or be a chance to reflect and look at who you are and what you do in an honest way. It is a chance to change some of the things that needed to be changed anyway when you were in a relationship with a person who for some reason you could not continue to be in love with. It is the perfect chance to look in the mirror and see who you are on the outside and reflect on how that is interpreted by others. Are you who you say you are and what do you to that reflects that person. This is a time to become genuine about who you are with all your flaws and to embrace the parts that are great and continue to work on those lovely parts of you.
A chance to love you:
Divorce gives you the time to love you. Now that you are not spending so much time trying to love someone else, sometimes more than you love you, it is time to begin a love relationship with yourself. Don't get into a relationship right away as some do. Take the time to learn how to love yourself and do things that are proof that you deserve love even if someone has left you behind or you could not work it out.
An opportunity to grow:
Take the time now to do things that will help you to grow. Growing means that are new will help you to grow. Doing things that you've not done before you are going to grow from it. Don't hold anything back when on the path of growth. Meet new people and do new things. Read about relationships and why and how they end bur moreover how we can continue in spite of the initial pain. This is a chance to grow. Take advantage of it.
Don't personalize it:
Divorce is not personal. Don't make it personal. Don't behave as though it is your fault and don't get down on yourself as if you are a bad person. It simply did not work out and there does not need to be a big ordeal around it. You did nothing wrong and even if you did forget it and move away from shaming and blaming yourself or someone else. Personalizing a divorce is like personalizing the reason a mosquito bit you and not your friend who was there with you. Things happen and they don't have to be profound and devastating. They just happen and the best things to do is to take it in stride. Nothing you can or will do will change the facts. No One has to be made wrong or demonized. Lift your heart by simply convincing yourself that this is not personal, it is just what happens in relationships, they normally start and end.
As you heal from divorce remember one single truth. You are still who you were and you can still get yourself back. You are not a relationship but rather a spiritual being having a human experience. Some sad and some happy. Own all of it then ride into the sunset of life. A new life.
Yet what does divorce really mean? It believe it means many things but the most meaningful is that if we are loving we see this as a chance to begin a new life, a life of loving ourselves more and of grieving and finding our joy once more. The possibilities are endless and I see them clearly as:
A chance to become more of who you are:
Separating from a person is an opportunity to to be more of who you were before you got involved with someone and to get back who you really are. It is a chance to grow and do things that you should have done long ago and that now you can freely do and enjoy. Look upon divorce as an opportunity and not so much as a loss. Get out there and dance, sing, travel, sing and create new experiences and new friends.
A chance to reflect:
Divorce can either make you upset and down on yourself or be a chance to reflect and look at who you are and what you do in an honest way. It is a chance to change some of the things that needed to be changed anyway when you were in a relationship with a person who for some reason you could not continue to be in love with. It is the perfect chance to look in the mirror and see who you are on the outside and reflect on how that is interpreted by others. Are you who you say you are and what do you to that reflects that person. This is a time to become genuine about who you are with all your flaws and to embrace the parts that are great and continue to work on those lovely parts of you.
A chance to love you:
Divorce gives you the time to love you. Now that you are not spending so much time trying to love someone else, sometimes more than you love you, it is time to begin a love relationship with yourself. Don't get into a relationship right away as some do. Take the time to learn how to love yourself and do things that are proof that you deserve love even if someone has left you behind or you could not work it out.
An opportunity to grow:
Take the time now to do things that will help you to grow. Growing means that are new will help you to grow. Doing things that you've not done before you are going to grow from it. Don't hold anything back when on the path of growth. Meet new people and do new things. Read about relationships and why and how they end bur moreover how we can continue in spite of the initial pain. This is a chance to grow. Take advantage of it.
Don't personalize it:
Divorce is not personal. Don't make it personal. Don't behave as though it is your fault and don't get down on yourself as if you are a bad person. It simply did not work out and there does not need to be a big ordeal around it. You did nothing wrong and even if you did forget it and move away from shaming and blaming yourself or someone else. Personalizing a divorce is like personalizing the reason a mosquito bit you and not your friend who was there with you. Things happen and they don't have to be profound and devastating. They just happen and the best things to do is to take it in stride. Nothing you can or will do will change the facts. No One has to be made wrong or demonized. Lift your heart by simply convincing yourself that this is not personal, it is just what happens in relationships, they normally start and end.
As you heal from divorce remember one single truth. You are still who you were and you can still get yourself back. You are not a relationship but rather a spiritual being having a human experience. Some sad and some happy. Own all of it then ride into the sunset of life. A new life.
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