Coach Elliott

Today I realized that my client was actually being abused because he told me so and you know what they say: " if someone tells you something believe it".  It is truly hard for a man like him to admit abuse but he was forthright in seeing the light.  Here are some things men and women disguise and that are abusive: 1. Shutting Out: when your partner or friend shuts you out purposely to make you feel like you are the bad guy, a strategy often used by alcoholics who are either active or not or others struggling with some addiction. 2. Initiating Inappropriate Sex or sexual innuendo: when your wife or husband brings a third party, suggests a third party or otherwise talks about inappropriate sexual acts that he or she has performed with what you may suspect are minors or very young adults, there is sometimes the underlying innuendo of he accuses you of sexual things or getting information from you to throw in your lap later, this includes him asking you to recantyour sexual

Ten Ways to Get Better Sleep I am only sleep expert if I myself have had sleep issues and overcome them.  This week I will being a series that will start with the premise of how to get better sleep or how to get better sex or how to get more intimate and get in love.  Well, OK I may not be an expert in any of the other areas but I will give it the "old college try". 1.  Have a routine before going to bed like drinking a warm glass of milk or ingesting something like a warm tea with lemon. 2. Get the lighting in the room soothed out.  Make the room physically comforting. 3. Turn the outside world off like: phones and other devises: television 4.  Get serious about your goal to sleep all night and do so well, effortlessly and lovingly. 5. Talk yourself into sleeping and out of a chatter game.  Don't start to think about everything that ails you or your life or finances.  In fact don't go there. 6.  Put on some music on a timer or smooth sounds or nature so

Rihanna: "I want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world"  Those lyrics are ones that we are all familiar with because they easily translate into our every day life and the way we feel on a daily basis when we are in relationship.  We get confused and believe that one person can actually do this and the fact is they cannot.  No one will validate you as much and as good as you could do it yourself, make you feel like you're the ony boy in the world.  Not even that you are the only vegetable in the world because as we get to know we are not the only ripe apple. I woke up this morning alone and I am waiting for my friends to come by with my Carmel coffee from you know where.  They are somewhere I just know it.  I also know that if they don't come I can put some caramel in the coffee I already have and make it look and taste great.  I should not depend on them to bring me my joy or my coffee.  As sad as this sounds to some, my husband, sister, brothe

Coach Elliott : dont even try it : I am alone at home at two am so I hear a bing on my door and realize that the alarm on the pad had been tampered with.  I talk on the  phone...

I am alone at home at two am so I hear a bing on my door and realize that the alarm on the pad had been tampered with.  I talk on the  phone with the police while they send someone by to ask me about it as I called 911 emergency.  I thought the FB police found out I had deleted my account and my friends had all contacted them but in fact FB could really give a shit about me deleting my account and tomorrow no today my friends are coming in from the city.  The offered to pick me up so I very slowly  accepted thinking that they may have read about it on FaceBook but they couldn't have because I deleted my FB account over two weeks ago.  Who the fuck is reading my shit and my posts and how do these kids get my information.  I almost peed in my pants when I got a call from a friend having a short affair with a woman friend who I deleted.  I almost fell over when my niececalled and   asked me why id' deleted her.  I was even more amused when FB called me in person since they did not

When we awake from a bad night we understand that either another bad night can be manifested but what we know is that life changes and is ever changing.  Nothing happens unless we can see the light the next day in spite of whatever issues we might have had and in perfect harmony with whatever happens to us the day before.   We look out of our deck outside the sliding doors and the geese are beginning their long journey in flocks of 20 and they fly in larger flocks.  We see that life outside our insular mind is bigger and more developed that we think.  We see that life is still living and that the geese represent our life and the fact that it has not ended but started on another path.   So be it as it may take one day today and stay focused, present and in touch with your spirit.  Stay in the flow and don't deny yourself joy.  Yesterday was yesterday and today, well today is today.   Coach E  Chicago-Pingree Grove' Illinois 

You cannot cure cancer by taking a bath.  You cannot cure cancer by taking a bath.  You cannot cure cancer by concealing it under your clothes.  You cannot cure cancer by wishing it to go away.  I could not cure cancer by arguing with doctors or friends.  I could not cure cancer by acting out with anger.  I could not cure it by sliding down a hill, jumping up and down or twirling.  I take the latter back because I was twirling the other day and that seemed to help: A lot!  But we cannot cure this illness by ignoring it.  If anything we have to do something proactive or we can do the very last thing which is to let go and transition, but that would not be my advice.  My hope for myself and others with cancer is that we become active in our own healing.  Working perhaps with doctors, healers and things like Yoga and Exercise.  It is a fact that the cure for cancer is likely available to the rich and famous but not us?  I cannot say that nor will I speculate.  For now let's focus on h

Never feel bad for yourself because of what someone else: thinks of you.  Don't let what others think steer how you feel about yourself or make you feel less or more valuable.  When people say nasty or underhanded things to you it is just a way for them to feel better about themselves, or so they think.  People learn early in life that if someone says something bad about them or to them that they need to be worried.  That may be true at times but it is usually just someone projected their insecurities and hate about themselves.  When others talk about you the best way to deal with that is to walk away and to think to yourself that this person or people are likely struggling with their own self worth.  It is not about you, it is about them.  Most of us have had people name call us, create an image about us that is false, try to put us down or otherwise be mean spirited. What we should understand is that their meanness comes from a place of hurt and that someone put them down at on

I rose up at about 4:30 am with a pep in my step knowing that I would be going to the city for my full CT scan and to see the surgeon involved in my cancer removal surgery.  All went well until the afternoon appointment turned into a two hour ordeal when I'd been at the hospital since 6:30 in the morning.  I literally left my home at about five in the morning and did not get back until about three pm.  Yet all in all the experience was amazing, warm, funny and even fulfilling. My visit to the gift shop between appointments gave me a chance to buy a little gift for my daughter in hopes that we would have lunch.  I flew over to the shoe store on Michigan ave. and bought a pair os shoes, various tassels to put on them and socks.  I had been to the gift shop in the Gaultier building at NMH and bought some comfy clogs.  I was proud of myself for giving myself some loving gifts while keeping my chin up around my situation. Between the first and second appointment I see a woman sittin

When you are raised to believe that feelings are for girls and Barbies are for gay boys and taken to therapy at five by your so called liberal parents that is denial.  When your family minimizes the Jewish experience in Germany under Hitler and your daughter has her feet up in the air laughing.  When you tell people everyone in your circle is nice and they are a batch of racist.  When you lie about who you are and who your family is, that is not denial that is simply you lying to yourself.  My post on FB was similar to this but not in these exact words because I don't have any of these very common characteristics in my own family alone nor are they describing anyone else's.  What I am attempting to do is to be in a place of acceptance around every person's views whether they are a serial killer or a spiritual killer.  Whether they are privileged or they think you are arrogant.  Whether they wear pointy shoes our square toed ones. I recently spoke to a senior citizen who s

Today and tonight was one of the most blessed days of my adult life.  It did not seem that way at first and I certainly hope there are some people not reading this but it was a great day starting with a long chat in my home with my sister and ending it with a dinner at Francesca.  I am delighted to report that next week there are two other events and my intention is to attend with a smile on my face in the same way that Mary Sue who also has a health opportunity does in her raw silk dress, she knows who she is.  I decided to take a lift from my sister back into the city and realized that this place is a place of wonder, amusement and where you cannot take anyone too seriously.  I was truly shocked at how my friend got his undies in a wad about the waiter not being attentive but his back was to him and he had checked in a couple of times.  I looked him directly in the eyes, my amigo and said: "Don't sweat the small stuff man" and he got it.  Suddenly I saw myself in this y

I am watching an old movie with Cary Grant called " An Affair to Remember" on the part where he meets a beautiful woman on a yacht prior to going home to his finance. It is an impeccable peice of art as old movies go and romantic beyond belief.  The dresses that the female lead wears are incredible and said sexy way before spandex and I think spandex is the best thing invented since pockets.  It is colorized and her dresses turned from black to white to gray and peach and reds.  The chiffon flows like Madonna would say: "like butter" or was that Rupaul?  In any case as one would imagine it is incredibly witty, romantic and fun without giving anything away.  A beautiful and fun movie for those of you who love Cary Grant and I am ashamed to say that I am not sure who the female lead is but she is equally as talented and looks stunning.  In Italy he visits his grandmother and she mistakes the woman as his other lady whom he is engaged to.  I just want to scream every t

The Top Ten Rules and Regs and Comments for Men 1. A magazine is not a coaster 2. The jet wet mop is for lazy bitches (really does not clean anything but moves dirt around well) 3. Your mommy does not work  here 4. At least let me know where you are going so I can leave to shop 5. Someone told you what? 6. Can you unload that thing they call a dishwasher?  Rinse the dish and put it  in there. 7.  Rihanna is not a slut neither is Marilyn Monroe.  The Kennedy's are sluts. 8. The new lamps in the bedroom did not drop from the sky. 9.  I need lights so I can enjoy my beautiful environment.  Are you the light police? 10.If you call me a victim one more time you are going to be one.  Snapped. I woke up dancing today and for today the fun Elliott came forward.  I laughed alone.  I danced alone and I was as my grandma said: "I was born alone and I will die alone". Double snap. Love you all, Coach Elliott Keep praying as I am on the new journey called chemo and

Here is the kicker for me.  I am chatting with a girlfriend and she tells me she gets power from her husband and the first thing that occurs to me is that she is empowered without his help, in fact maybe more so without his input.  This isn't a judgement but rather an observation of mine.  I talk to a lot of women who tell me they are empowered and they are living with men who depend on them for things like finding a hair brush and like me they are looking for their spouse to empower them.  It is not that I think that men cannot do that but I do believe that many men take more than they actually give and that we should not expect them to be anything but who they are.  If we marry a zebra then we should not expect that he will turn into a dove one day.  I know, I know.  I am going to get some hate mail now from the Christian fundamentalist or men who don't like what I am saying.  Let me be in the mix by stating the obvious.  I am a man and I was married to a woman for ten years

I am taken back to the time when I was working downtown for CPS taking the train with a hundred other people and thinking about how I would love to do anything other than go to the office where the toxic level was so high you could cut it with a knife.  I don't think I will ever forget that last job because it took me from a place of confusion and hatred to a place of absolute knowing.

Today was a long day much like the one before with doctors and nurses, waiting rooms and machines.   I sound like I am complaining but honestly I am not.  I am rather grateful because in spite of the scan of my body there was a smile on each person's face.  In spite of the early morning drive there was a person sitting next to me, my partner, guiding me and loving me in his special way.  Today was a good day because I am closer to accepting that there is yet another chapter in my cancer journey and in my compassionate inner meter, not just for me but for my husband and my children.  There has to be more than me involved in the process in my head but rather everyone who has loved and continues to love me, everyone who smiles at me and every person who touches me. There are things I don't yet know about where this will lead but I am sure that it will lead to where it is to be.  Where I am to be.  With whom I am to be guided and whom will be my next teacher along the life journe

Rihanna invites me to "shine bright like a diamond".  I need to be in the tub taking my first bath but I need ot be supervised and hence I will await my daughter's visit on Saturday so that she can monitor me a little from inside the house along with her husband and the kids who will be visiting.  I know it sounds so silly of me but the truth is that I am fearful of getting inside a tub after so many weeks since the surgery.  I have now been told that I need more... Dinner with the kids was grand and so the ending conversation with a friend who knows cancer first hand because her mother died of it.  She was diagnosed very late in life and I recall when she died and how she showed up for me because I had set her to be a speaker at one of my women's weekend retreats.  What a courageous woman. Today the workers arrived and did their magic as I got ready to see my oncologist for the first time in the city.  They were efficient and as the music played they swayed to it

Tonight I spoke to my daughter via text and in a few minutes I was tearful and close to sobbing.  I know that some of you would like to not hear that again from me, join the club along with my husband.  I am so much aligned with your preference to tune me out if you need to.  This story is bigger than cancer of the this or that.  I now know that it moved from here to there but then who is surprised?  Not I.  God is not surprised either.  Neither is my mother.  Ironically a woman who is having a hard time walking and refuses to be carried about.  I guess I am a lot like my mom after all.  Yes, I have a mom.  I just don't include her in my every conversation and if anything I am  surely not a mother's boy.  But I digress. I had the opportunity to apologize to my daughter for not being there when she needed me, for not showing up all those times when my ego was bigger than my soul and asked her to forgive me knowing fully that she already had long long ago.  Even though it is my

My grandmother use to say of people who allowed very little stuff to overwhelm them: "That one could drown in a glass of water".  How may of us know people like that who allow little tasks and little incidents in their lives to send them over the edge.  People who become dysfunctional or angry the minute one thing goes wrong.  It is like drowning in a glass of water or like watching a person drown in a shallow area of a lake and not being able to convince them to stand up.  So many times we allow the most trivial things to get to us and make us feel as though the world has gone wrong.  So often times we  allow the little things that happen send us into a spin.  Not me.  I am not one to drown in a glass of water, oh no,, not I.  I need a little more water to drown, become angry and disenchanted.  I for one need something like the computer system to go down or my phone to lose all the battery power when I need to call my daughter at the Target where she is in some isle somewher

and so I assume that you all understand that I don't give a rats ass about passing a fucking "acid test".

My partner is likely not the only person that finds me to be "over the top" and "dramatic". Thank god for people like me that would not agree with him or some other folks in my life who think I would make a great actor, although I must say, I agree.  I would have loved to act and be as dramatic as I want to be and get paid for it, Hence that was not my lot in life.  Mine was to work as a teacher and then a school administrator and be called a bitch by boys who were raised by mothers who were struggling to survive, feed their kids and attempt to pay the rent on time.  Of course this was not the majority yet my lesson was to understand that my shit stank as much as theirs and that I would be someday humbled by the woman who waited by my BMW at the time to tell me that she really appreciated what I did for her son.  Who knew? In the thirty years that I worked for that board I took one parent to court who had told me she would slap the shit out of me at least three time

If I were to write my cancer a letter It would go something like this: Dear Cancer, I know you are there because of your constant reminder.  You look at me with such eyes of starvation and of need.  I did not know you were so bold and I did not know you were so needy.  What might I ask is the lesson that you are trying to teach me?  Perhaps to be joyous in the face of the sting that follows me around and swells up at night in the form of tears?  I am unsure as to where you are going with this but I personally feel a bit irritated not knowing from one day to the next what new surprises you have for me and for my friend Dot and Katie.  Where are we all going and I was just wondering if we are all headed to the healing store or to the healing floor?  With all that said let me thank you for your presence because I can see you so clearly and I can hear the message so profoundly in the music, in the sunshine coming in to the family room and in my coffee.  I have always wondered about how

I am once again up at 3am having watched the movie with Bette Midler called "Then She Found Me" about a woman who was adopted met her biological mother.  I started to put in the movie "Too Wong Cho" which is  movie about three drag queens and their plight after being stranded in some "hick" town in the USA.  At one point in the movie they are stopped by the police and thought they'd accidentally killed him when he put his hand up one of their skirts.  It is really a movie about life and how difficult it is to either be different, be a woman and overcome what was depicted as a male dominant area much like many in the USA whether we'd like to think it or not.  It is a movie about me and about you and about every person you have ever known that has struggled with their identity at one time or another which is just about everyone.  Whether you are looking for your biological mother or she might be looking for you or whether you are gay or a woman being

I am reminded of how short life can be and the possibilities seem to be growing on my skin in the form of cancer.  I should be afraid but the denial of others around me keeps me in denial, perhaps to my highest good.  When I visit the doctor on Monday he will decide in what will seem like a moment how much radiation I need and where my medical journey will go next.  What I sense because I know my body that it is growing a little too fast for me and perhaps a little too fast for my daughters and my Isabella and my beautiful Mia.  Yet it is growing in perfect timing with whatever god has planned for me. After attending my husband's grandfather's wake and hearing his response to his grandson about where to place his ashes: "Put it wherever the hell you want, I will be dead so I won't know the difference" I understand the humor that is needed to navigate whatever life hands you, just as this ninety five year old lived his life and to the end feeling the joy of livin

Last night was rough as have a few nights now.  My anxiety level rises each night and I am unsure as to why.  I have a doctor's appointment on March 10 which is right around the corner and I will get the news of how much radiation I will need.  I have been told that I will have it so that is not a mystery but I think that my spirit is still asking to embrace it while my mind is saying "this is it dude".  God then overrides the sassy voice calling me of all things "dude".  My husband hates that word and I have to say it kind of does not resonate for a sixty year old man like me.  LMAO.  OMG.  and all that FB lingo.  I am up now the sun beaming into our home and I am alive.  I think that I will simply say yes to today and not think about whether tonight will be a good night sleep or not.  That is the beauty of my life that I can chose some things and that I have to embrace others, sooner than later.  For now I have been given the "kiss of life". I will

Yesterday my son in law and my four year old grandchild arrived at about noon.  I anxiously awaited their arrival like a child waiting for Christmas Day.  I felt the excitement rising inside of me at the thought of sharing two days with them and them spending the night, witnessing the bond between daughter and dad, he on his laptop and laying next to him sleeping.  She had finally given up to sleep after spending every moment with either him or I.  It was a wonderful weekend and it always is with my family members who adore me and treat me with so much love and respect.  I cherish these times more than ever even if others might not think me so grateful.  Admittedly I am still learning to find gratitude in all that I see, do, experience and have.  I am a very fortunate person. The rock stars that are my doctors are all around me.  I am fortunate to have such high end doctors who are experts in their field.  Yet what I depend on and breath with is the love of my family and my partner.

Today I received a book with a card inside of it from one of my best friends, my daughter.  Her husband was coming over to stay overnight with their youngest child who is now four.  The joy that I felt reading the card brought me close to tears but this time I decided to suck it up in the presence of my husband.  It feels natural to hide my feelings in front of others with the exception of only one or two people in my life.  My heart becomes a little more restricted when others are around me and my sense of what it is to be a man becomes challenged.  I know this yet there is sometimes nothing more to do with that information, that truth, except to accept it. Through the stinging of parts of my body and the dryness of other parts of my body, the news of more treatment is still setting in.  I love denial because it keeps me from having to admit that I am scared and that perhaps I will live forever, maybe to seventy.  I keep thinking I would be truly happy with ten more years.  As I thi