A Wonderful Family Weekend
Yesterday my son in law and my four year old grandchild arrived at about noon. I anxiously awaited their arrival like a child waiting for Christmas Day. I felt the excitement rising inside of me at the thought of sharing two days with them and them spending the night, witnessing the bond between daughter and dad, he on his laptop and laying next to him sleeping. She had finally given up to sleep after spending every moment with either him or I. It was a wonderful weekend and it always is with my family members who adore me and treat me with so much love and respect. I cherish these times more than ever even if others might not think me so grateful. Admittedly I am still learning to find gratitude in all that I see, do, experience and have. I am a very fortunate person.
The rock stars that are my doctors are all around me. I am fortunate to have such high end doctors who are experts in their field. Yet what I depend on and breath with is the love of my family and my partner. I depend on the doctors to do their job and my family to keep loving me no matter where I am on this journey, short or long. I am hoping longer than shorter I admit. As the days pass and I awake once more to the sunshine I keep saying I want to have more of it and I keep wanting more of it. I can only ask that Goddess energy protect me and give me time to learn whatever lesson is needed. Slowly the anger goes and the love appears for goddess is mighty and wise. She has asked me to plan the women's retreat this year and I am going to go ahead with it. My husband has booked us for Italy and my hope is that I can ride the wave with him as he experiences that tail end of his 95 year old grandpa looking as though he is now ready to leave the earthly beings and things of the earth. It may be his time and I am praying for his smooth transition.
God is a concept for some. For others he or she does not exist. God is for some an illusion while others proudly claim that they are atheist. I think everyone should be who they are and believe what they like. I am hoping that the god I visualize in my soul is a god of compassion without a gender. I am banking on it in fact. God speaks to me but not directly like "conversations with God" did to the man who wrote the book. Not like that. God sends messengers to me like my granddaughters and my kids. Like my son in law and the man who painted our home and the men that delivered the furniture last night in the deep snow filled day. God is not a concept to me but rather a feeling and a presence. A gift if you will. I don't deserve it yet I accept it because I feel her or his hand on me when I am in my dark places in my mind or body.
I can talk about the family experience and as you can see it prompted the god experience. I can integrate the two because god is in family and family is godly. It doesn't matter if he is a woman or if one day he is a man. It matters not to me but that he or she is inside my body when needed. Like grandpa I too will transition and I don't know when. The mystery of how much radiation and how long I will be here doesn't matter much. What matters is that I live the joy of this time and now, the silence in my home and the waiting for my husband to come through the door after seeing his grandpa in the hospital and getting the news that he will likely, not walk out of there. After speaking this afternoon to his 94 year old girlfriend of about seven years and her saying to me, "Cary is not like anyone else, he is very special to me". My heart sank but my soul rose up with joy. This woman who has stood by his grandpa's side never sharing a bed or home with him out of choice has spoken the words of God, goddess, angels and Mother Theresa. She has given me wisdom to breath.
The rock stars that are my doctors are all around me. I am fortunate to have such high end doctors who are experts in their field. Yet what I depend on and breath with is the love of my family and my partner. I depend on the doctors to do their job and my family to keep loving me no matter where I am on this journey, short or long. I am hoping longer than shorter I admit. As the days pass and I awake once more to the sunshine I keep saying I want to have more of it and I keep wanting more of it. I can only ask that Goddess energy protect me and give me time to learn whatever lesson is needed. Slowly the anger goes and the love appears for goddess is mighty and wise. She has asked me to plan the women's retreat this year and I am going to go ahead with it. My husband has booked us for Italy and my hope is that I can ride the wave with him as he experiences that tail end of his 95 year old grandpa looking as though he is now ready to leave the earthly beings and things of the earth. It may be his time and I am praying for his smooth transition.
God is a concept for some. For others he or she does not exist. God is for some an illusion while others proudly claim that they are atheist. I think everyone should be who they are and believe what they like. I am hoping that the god I visualize in my soul is a god of compassion without a gender. I am banking on it in fact. God speaks to me but not directly like "conversations with God" did to the man who wrote the book. Not like that. God sends messengers to me like my granddaughters and my kids. Like my son in law and the man who painted our home and the men that delivered the furniture last night in the deep snow filled day. God is not a concept to me but rather a feeling and a presence. A gift if you will. I don't deserve it yet I accept it because I feel her or his hand on me when I am in my dark places in my mind or body.
I can talk about the family experience and as you can see it prompted the god experience. I can integrate the two because god is in family and family is godly. It doesn't matter if he is a woman or if one day he is a man. It matters not to me but that he or she is inside my body when needed. Like grandpa I too will transition and I don't know when. The mystery of how much radiation and how long I will be here doesn't matter much. What matters is that I live the joy of this time and now, the silence in my home and the waiting for my husband to come through the door after seeing his grandpa in the hospital and getting the news that he will likely, not walk out of there. After speaking this afternoon to his 94 year old girlfriend of about seven years and her saying to me, "Cary is not like anyone else, he is very special to me". My heart sank but my soul rose up with joy. This woman who has stood by his grandpa's side never sharing a bed or home with him out of choice has spoken the words of God, goddess, angels and Mother Theresa. She has given me wisdom to breath.
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