Get Rid of It. Say It!
Today and tonight was one of the most blessed days of my adult life. It did not seem that way at first and I certainly hope there are some people not reading this but it was a great day starting with a long chat in my home with my sister and ending it with a dinner at Francesca. I am delighted to report that next week there are two other events and my intention is to attend with a smile on my face in the same way that Mary Sue who also has a health opportunity does in her raw silk dress, she knows who she is. I decided to take a lift from my sister back into the city and realized that this place is a place of wonder, amusement and where you cannot take anyone too seriously. I was truly shocked at how my friend got his undies in a wad about the waiter not being attentive but his back was to him and he had checked in a couple of times. I looked him directly in the eyes, my amigo and said: "Don't sweat the small stuff man" and he got it. Suddenly I saw myself in this young face looking back at me that some would think is completely free of any frustrations. You cannot be a CPA, work downtown and be free of stress, I don't think. I was completely fine with his frustration but did not own it. Somehow I feel like there are bigger fish to fry on March 24 when my therapy starts at NMH.
I am what some might call a "privileged bitch" and frankly those folks are right. I have nothing to complain about yet there are times when I go from survivor to victim and from victim to hero, realizing in the end that I am a freaking rock star. I don't pretend not to know who Rihanna or Buble is and I don't pretend that I don't know where the Cole Han store is located: Michigan and Huron? I live in a beautiful home and I have a somewhat perfect life forty five minutes west of the city. I don't live in India although I would not mind that as well. I am not living in San Sebastián but I am willing to go there for three months if I make it there. They no longer want Americans flying into their small village annoying them and disrespecting their natural environment so they don't allow airplanes to take tours there because now there are buses that bring them in by the dozens. Still it disrupts but not as badly. Whenever I go to Mexico I speak to everyone in Spanish and make believe I am not one of those Americans. I get embarrassed to be honest. Alright, I am American.
I am not a real privileged gay man because on one is taking care of me or paying my way or my bills. God I hope some people are not reading this. When I was about 32 I was and the guy I dated had the largest Benz, all Versace clothing and a huge ego to match. But that was then and this is now. That was "in the past" as I learned to say at USM. Then I called them back to speak to the founder and figured out that they don't know me from adam and it was as it should be. Did I tell you all about Adam the hoarder? That my loves is a long long story. He once opened the door for me (fictitious name) and I then figured out that Adam was not only a hermit it actually smelled in the condo or apartment he lived in. I have been depressed, I am anxious and never once did I allow myself to get that unsafe. Still when you are a functioning hoarder no one is the least suspecting and unlike a PR like me you get past it and no one is the wiser. I must have offered to save him five hundred times and what I know is that he did not need to be saved. It was my observation and there was likely too much judgement inside of it. Tell me cuando, cuando, cuando. Tell me when you will be mine, tell me cuando, cuando, cuando. We can share our love divine please don't make me wait again. The lyrics of that particular song free me of judgement.
I may be judged just the way that I have judged others. The mother in law who said to the alleged son in law: "Why did you not have a surprise party for my son" to the asshole who fired me at CPS with a fucking smile on her face. I say god bless them all. I don't want to, as my daughter said: "poison yourself". with anger. This is why I write a blog and hope that the FB friends I deleted are the ones who will tell on me or wish me ill. And yet there is something that tells me that it is good to "keep your enemies close". I keep thinking my blog is going to blow up the world but my audience is very small. I don't mind since God Goddess is reading it. I think.
My day was lovely and today begins anew in fact almost an hour into it in Chicago. I don't mind being up trying to magically stay alive and be attuned with provider and mankind.
I am what some might call a "privileged bitch" and frankly those folks are right. I have nothing to complain about yet there are times when I go from survivor to victim and from victim to hero, realizing in the end that I am a freaking rock star. I don't pretend not to know who Rihanna or Buble is and I don't pretend that I don't know where the Cole Han store is located: Michigan and Huron? I live in a beautiful home and I have a somewhat perfect life forty five minutes west of the city. I don't live in India although I would not mind that as well. I am not living in San Sebastián but I am willing to go there for three months if I make it there. They no longer want Americans flying into their small village annoying them and disrespecting their natural environment so they don't allow airplanes to take tours there because now there are buses that bring them in by the dozens. Still it disrupts but not as badly. Whenever I go to Mexico I speak to everyone in Spanish and make believe I am not one of those Americans. I get embarrassed to be honest. Alright, I am American.
I am not a real privileged gay man because on one is taking care of me or paying my way or my bills. God I hope some people are not reading this. When I was about 32 I was and the guy I dated had the largest Benz, all Versace clothing and a huge ego to match. But that was then and this is now. That was "in the past" as I learned to say at USM. Then I called them back to speak to the founder and figured out that they don't know me from adam and it was as it should be. Did I tell you all about Adam the hoarder? That my loves is a long long story. He once opened the door for me (fictitious name) and I then figured out that Adam was not only a hermit it actually smelled in the condo or apartment he lived in. I have been depressed, I am anxious and never once did I allow myself to get that unsafe. Still when you are a functioning hoarder no one is the least suspecting and unlike a PR like me you get past it and no one is the wiser. I must have offered to save him five hundred times and what I know is that he did not need to be saved. It was my observation and there was likely too much judgement inside of it. Tell me cuando, cuando, cuando. Tell me when you will be mine, tell me cuando, cuando, cuando. We can share our love divine please don't make me wait again. The lyrics of that particular song free me of judgement.
I may be judged just the way that I have judged others. The mother in law who said to the alleged son in law: "Why did you not have a surprise party for my son" to the asshole who fired me at CPS with a fucking smile on her face. I say god bless them all. I don't want to, as my daughter said: "poison yourself". with anger. This is why I write a blog and hope that the FB friends I deleted are the ones who will tell on me or wish me ill. And yet there is something that tells me that it is good to "keep your enemies close". I keep thinking my blog is going to blow up the world but my audience is very small. I don't mind since God Goddess is reading it. I think.
My day was lovely and today begins anew in fact almost an hour into it in Chicago. I don't mind being up trying to magically stay alive and be attuned with provider and mankind.
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