Love and Loss
I am watching an old movie with Cary Grant called " An Affair to Remember" on the part where he meets a beautiful woman on a yacht prior to going home to his finance. It is an impeccable peice of art as old movies go and romantic beyond belief. The dresses that the female lead wears are incredible and said sexy way before spandex and I think spandex is the best thing invented since pockets. It is colorized and her dresses turned from black to white to gray and peach and reds. The chiffon flows like Madonna would say: "like butter" or was that Rupaul? In any case as one would imagine it is incredibly witty, romantic and fun without giving anything away. A beautiful and fun movie for those of you who love Cary Grant and I am ashamed to say that I am not sure who the female lead is but she is equally as talented and looks stunning. In Italy he visits his grandmother and she mistakes the woman as his other lady whom he is engaged to. I just want to scream every time I see it. With joy.
Life is so very romantic especially when we first meet a person who we are attracted to. We are swept off our feet and suddenly we become in love. We laugh together and we play together until we sometimes realize that the person we married is no longer so bright and shiny and we lost our own luster. It is like the movie "Sex in the City" where the girl says to the child after reading Cinderella to her: 'You know this is just a story and it doesn't always end so happily" and the girls mom is amused at Jessica Parker's remark to her child. There may be some truth to this and yet love and romance is wonderful and if it lasts forever then great and if it does not life proceeds. Yet for love and the loss of it we have become weak and upset. Life is like that sometimes.
To be in love is to be in spirit with yourself. To be in love you have to truly love thyself and not expect anyone else to change. To stay in love or loving someone takes a lot of courage especially if the person has cancer or strayed away physically or emotionally. To remain in our spirit we must
insist that our partners honor our soul. Nothing is set in stone except to insist on compassion even if the other person feels sorry for us or accuses us of being dramatic, lazy or stupid.
I was married before for ten years to a woman who once said to me in a church in front of God and man. She remained loyal to me and I to her for ten years. One day I woke up and realized that my sister had committed suicide and my wife was my sister. I realized I was very immature and I did not deserve her to which she disagreed. When I walked out the door she opened it figuratively. When I was ready to return she opened her door and her heart. I was left with two daughters and a story about a boy who got married at nineteen. I still love her and she loves me. I still call her my wife behind my husband's back and both she and I lol.
On March 24 I will begin my own journey of self love. In the past I thought I was in fear like my nephew and I talked about earlier. In the past and now people think that men like me are kept by men like my husband but it's simply a myth. He and I laughed because he thought I was being kept by my husband and he was paying my way. Yet for five years he lived with me. I am like the suburban housewife that people think live off their husbands and sit at home all day looking at their boobs and honestly I have no issue with that at all, except I am not that girl or boy. Still it was amusing and it is I who likely started that story.
I am gay and Hispanic as some refer to us in polite circles. I am the guy who is sixty that looks like he is fifty and dyes his hair and wears tight jeans. I am the guy who everyone would think is being kept because I do wear a fur on occasion in the winter and the husbands call it the man fur. But like Deborah Kerr in the movie I want the shaw with the lace that screams of Italian style. Still I love the old coat that I have that I bought at Armani thirty years ago for fifteen hundred when it was four thousand at one time. Still it is in the basement in all it's fitted black glory asking me to move on.
There is of course a moral to my blog story. Or is it my bla story? Don't let anything get in the way of loving yourself? I don't really know anything, not a darn thing. In the movie the girl rocks but I am sure that at the time she was just a leading lady for Cary Grant who had a long list of them. Today she would be "Towanda".
Life is so very romantic especially when we first meet a person who we are attracted to. We are swept off our feet and suddenly we become in love. We laugh together and we play together until we sometimes realize that the person we married is no longer so bright and shiny and we lost our own luster. It is like the movie "Sex in the City" where the girl says to the child after reading Cinderella to her: 'You know this is just a story and it doesn't always end so happily" and the girls mom is amused at Jessica Parker's remark to her child. There may be some truth to this and yet love and romance is wonderful and if it lasts forever then great and if it does not life proceeds. Yet for love and the loss of it we have become weak and upset. Life is like that sometimes.
To be in love is to be in spirit with yourself. To be in love you have to truly love thyself and not expect anyone else to change. To stay in love or loving someone takes a lot of courage especially if the person has cancer or strayed away physically or emotionally. To remain in our spirit we must
insist that our partners honor our soul. Nothing is set in stone except to insist on compassion even if the other person feels sorry for us or accuses us of being dramatic, lazy or stupid.
I was married before for ten years to a woman who once said to me in a church in front of God and man. She remained loyal to me and I to her for ten years. One day I woke up and realized that my sister had committed suicide and my wife was my sister. I realized I was very immature and I did not deserve her to which she disagreed. When I walked out the door she opened it figuratively. When I was ready to return she opened her door and her heart. I was left with two daughters and a story about a boy who got married at nineteen. I still love her and she loves me. I still call her my wife behind my husband's back and both she and I lol.
On March 24 I will begin my own journey of self love. In the past I thought I was in fear like my nephew and I talked about earlier. In the past and now people think that men like me are kept by men like my husband but it's simply a myth. He and I laughed because he thought I was being kept by my husband and he was paying my way. Yet for five years he lived with me. I am like the suburban housewife that people think live off their husbands and sit at home all day looking at their boobs and honestly I have no issue with that at all, except I am not that girl or boy. Still it was amusing and it is I who likely started that story.
I am gay and Hispanic as some refer to us in polite circles. I am the guy who is sixty that looks like he is fifty and dyes his hair and wears tight jeans. I am the guy who everyone would think is being kept because I do wear a fur on occasion in the winter and the husbands call it the man fur. But like Deborah Kerr in the movie I want the shaw with the lace that screams of Italian style. Still I love the old coat that I have that I bought at Armani thirty years ago for fifteen hundred when it was four thousand at one time. Still it is in the basement in all it's fitted black glory asking me to move on.
There is of course a moral to my blog story. Or is it my bla story? Don't let anything get in the way of loving yourself? I don't really know anything, not a darn thing. In the movie the girl rocks but I am sure that at the time she was just a leading lady for Cary Grant who had a long list of them. Today she would be "Towanda".
Comments
Post a Comment