Coach Elliott

I have read the ten stages of life according to Buddhism and shared them with all of you in a series of blogs.  I started to think about he ten stages of life and have decided that in a small way these stages are the answer to living our life in more joy and clarity.  The stages that resonate for me are: 1.  Tranquility-Humanity Finding tranquility in our life is key to being in our highest form of joy.  The way that we find tranquility is by doing the things that bring us peace.  For some of us it is prayer and for others it is serving others in need.  For others it is accessing peace through doing things like meditation or taking time to be silent.  Music seems to be helpful for others and playing melodic music and laying down with a good book could be a great way to find our tranquil state.  This stage is one where we see our connection with others as humans, hence the humanity aspect of this stage.  Human contact is important in finding our center because in part our peace comes

"Finding Neverland" starred one of my favorite actors Johnny Depp.  In this movie he taught someone else's children how to be adventurous while bring forth his inner child.  It was about finding joy in fantasies and make believe.  The women in the movie was married and as one would think tongues wagged but this did not stop Depp from being a friend to her and her children, often playing with the kids in the park and pretending to be things like pirates.  It is a movie that makes us think about our joy and the ability to become like a child, happy and free.  What I feel that I know is how wonderful it is to be like a child, be silly and just laugh loudly.   Here are some ways you can feel your Neverland-your fantasies and joys:  1.  Behave like a child and do things that will access your inner kid.  Go to the park and swing on the swings.  Pull out some Legos or buy some and build some things with them.  If you have children they may join in but you must behave like

In the Buddhist experience there are ten stages of life.  One of those stages is hunger.  Hunger as I have interpreted it is a yearning we all have.  We are hungry to experience new things or we could be hungry to destroy others.  Every stage of life has a positive and a negative side to it.  When we become hungry for something like money or more possessions we can become greedy.  Hunger, which is normal becomes abnormal because we yearn for more than we need and for things that don't really matter in the end, in search of joy.  We think that the more we have the better we will feel and the happier we will be but that is a false thought.  We don't gain more joy by owning more things or by living in greed, often times not sharing what we have more of or donating our money to a cause.  Greed blinds us and now hunger becomes something that is not good for us. On the other hand we may hunger to learn more or to experience new things or see different cultures by traveling.  We may

I want to begin this blog by suggesting that you have a lunch date or dinner date once a month with you best friends.  I have been doing just this with a friend I have known for about thirty years and it has truly inspired our relationship and made it even deeper.  Today was such a day and to add more joy to it we were affirming of each other about many things.  I told him how wonderful he was and he the same.  Both of us agreed that because our partners did not like us did not mean there was anything wrong with us.  In fact what I affirmed was the many people who think highly of me and say so all the time, complementing me about many of my talents like decorating, problem solving and my ability to give to others.  Many of my friends and family feel that I look great all the time and that I care for myself in a very special and unique manner that states that I have pride. For me the last year has been a test and I survived it.  I survived the treatments for cancer.  I survived the ab

When my daughter was born I realized at that moment that my life would change.  How it would change I was not quite sure.  Maybe I would have less time for myself or I would become more giving.  Now there was a human being I was responsible for.  What I sensed was that nothing would be exactly as it was before.  As time went on I learned more and more how to be a dad and still be me.  How to care for a child and care for myself.  Here is my take on how to do that: 1.  Put your baby on a schedule: Putting your baby on a nap, eating and sleep schedule frees up time for you to have to yourself.  If you don't have a schedule you will find that you are guessing when it will be your time and your spouse's time to breath and have some time to yourself.  By putting your baby on a schedule you make time, have time, carve out time for yourself and for your spouse as well.  In the end you will be happier and less resentful.  A schedule is crucial to your sanity and the more sane you ar

Today I was inspired by a piece of art that someone posted on FB of a man flying on top of a bird with an envelope in his hand called "Love Letter".  I could see my own body riding this bird and  clutching a letter in my hand.  I remember writing hundreds of love letters to others I love including every person I spent time with and my own children.  Today I think back and I cannot recall many love letters being written back to me yet for me every letter was worth the love I put into it and how it might make another person feel loved.  The other side of it is that I failed myself because I did not write a love letter to Elliott for Elliott.  I did not think as highly of myself and my feelings as I did othere people's feelings.  Not that it was anyones fault at all but that I did not think of it.  And so today I will share a love letter to Elliott: Love For Elliott Dear Elliott, You deserve the love you give to everyone else so heal your heart before you attempt to hea

I am sixty one years young.  I still have dreams and frankly I am sometimes surprised that I do.  I want to keep my joy meter up and I still think I may live to be older, maybe very old.  I will age graceefully.  I will continue to love myself and have dreams because I love myself.  I say no matter how many years young you are you can still have dreams and attain them, but how do we do this? Make a vision board: Make a board with pictures like a collage of the dream you are holding onto and you want to create.  Insert as many pictures and words that depict your dream.  Make it colorful and post it in your home where you can see it every day.  Let you mind let it sink in by lookng at it each day and thinking about those dreams, believing you can manifest them. Write a Plan: Write a plan of action as to how you will get to that dream and make that dream  happen.  Make it short and sweet.  In the plan there should be actions that have to do with attaining this dream by doing things

It is hard to believe that love will heal us when people we love hurt us, but even then it will be love that will heal us in the long run.  We will be hurt and we will be disappointed over and over again.  We will have people in our life who will insult us or name call us or bully us.  Terrible things happen on this earth, including things like rape and homicide.  Yet no matter what the situation love is the only thing that will completely heal us from it. I knew a woman who was molested by her brother and told her mom.  Her mother did not believe her and so her brother continued to molest her against her will.  It continued for years until she moved out and finally it was over.  What I realized was that up to the point of her telling me about it she had told me of visits by her brother and how funny he was.  I was shocked to find out that the same man she spoke of that had raped her repeatedly was the same man she relayed to me that she loved.  Even that he was humorous.  I witnesse

Today it came to me "Fear is not natural, it's a man made feeling".  As I thought about it more and more I convinced myself that this is a fact.  Fear is not natural, we create it.  We are in fear because we want to be or somehow been convinced of it.  The truth is that love is more of a natural reality.  Fear is un-natural often time not having any meaning or make any sense.  So my invitation is to look at fear as something of a foreign feeling.  I want to invite all of you to look at fear as a strange affliction, an un-natural feeling while love is a natural feeling and courage another feeling that is the opposite of fear. I remember my daughter's birth like it was today.  She had gone into fetal distress but when she was finally brought to the earth via C section she was peaceful and loving.  It looked to me that she was born in joy and in love, not in fear.  Some may say that children are sometimes born in a hostile and shocking environment, some supporting the

I use to think that telling people you meet our full story and that full disclosure is a good thing.  After thinking about it I think that it is not just a mistake to tell it all too soon but that it could be fatal.  Now I would "refuse to answer on the grounds that it might incriminate me".  This is what I would suggest: Keep some of your business yours always: There could very well be a good case for not telling anyone everything no matter who they are.  Some things as they say "are better left unsaid" so don't say them.  Take a don't ask don't tell stance and save those private and personal matters that are about your heart your own and they can stay your own.  There is not any reason why not, especially until you become aware of who you are addressing and dealing with.  Some may call it lying but I call it privacy now that I know better. What you say can and will be held against you: When someone asks you how many sexual encounters you have had

When someone dies it is difficult to know what to do to heal from the loss.  My worse grieving story is about when my sister died in her 20's.  It was sudden and a very big shock to know that she committed suicide in part due to a horrible marriage and abuse from her spouse.  Her decision to leave this world was much like the song about the artist and I feel still about my sister "This world was never meant for someone as beautiful as you".  Grieving her took a while but I believe we can all heal from a loss and grieve in a way that honors us and honors the person who has passed. To me there are some loving ways to grieve such as: Story telling:  Talk about the life of the person who has transitioned.  Tell some stories about how wonderful they are and even some funny stories.  Honor that person by talking about them and not forgetting them as if they'd not existed.  Remembering that person in a positive manner will help you grieve them and move into a more posit

Just recently I found out that someone who I was married to caused and overdraft by paying his car payment from a joint account that we use to have together and that now there is a 46.00 fine to pay.  Since I have been with the bank for a long time and my name is on the account I thought I would  likely be stuck paying the fines when I was not the person who caused the overdraft.  Fast forward and update: I just talked to the bank and they have waived the fines and only charged me 12.00 to resolve it and close the account as of today.  Goddess is good and to my credit I calmly addressed it without anger.  Whenever I have addressed things without anger I find myself in a place of much peace and serenity when for all intents and purposes I could have lost my cool.  Which brings me to lesson number one: Decide and get calm:  Before you deal with anything that may trigger you, get calm.  Take some deep breaths, say a prayer, meditate, chant or take time to ask yourself to stay cool and

There is a new show on Netflix called "Grace and Frankie: with Lilly Tomlin and Jane Fonda.  It begins with a dinner date that their husbands set up at the same time at the same place.  Both women speculate as to why this special double date and meeting at this particular restaraunt.  When they arrive one of the husbands announces that they are in love with each other and that they are both gay. After that things get more and more fun, some of it unpredictable.  Once the situation sets in the women become more accepting of the fact and they start to move into their new lives.  They turn out to get the beach house that reminds me a lot of the Hampton's and the homes there, decorated in that seashore style that is beautiful and inspired my home decor.  But once again I digress. I am happy that there is a show on TV, all be it on Netflix that expresses the love of two men for one another and who dare at their ripe age to pursue that love.  For me it has been much too long and t

Today a black man who was accused of raping a white girl who was his classmate talked about being wrongly convicted and the fact that the charges were dropped on appeal.  He added the fact that the girl had consenting sex with him in a classroom at school surprised him when she then turned it around and accused him of forcing her.  I guess only he and she know what really happened but when someone is found to be wrongly convicted, especially a man of color it gives you pause about the truth. I feel like there have been times when people have accused me of being mean or fowl that it feels very similar.  My former partner use to accuse me of being mean or angry or hurtful.  He also accused me of "playing victim" and told me that I should not expect all the attention" as I struggled with my cancer.  I also felt like a lot of people believed him because on the surface he was this white boy next store who seemed very innocent and I was and am a man of color who everyone exp

I realize that the title to this blog is truly not what you were expecting and a bit strong even for my standards but it is meant to get your attention and to protect each of us from repeating the same patterns in relationships.  Forgiving is wonderful but forgetting could be quite detrimental to your well being.  When we forget about the abuser or that person who we expelled too much energy into changing or waiting for them to change is likely something that could literally kill you.  We must never forget our negative experienced with people so that we don't repeat them again.  So that we won't put  our blinders on again and remain in a prison we fashion for ourselves. Remember the types of people you have dated, had a relationship with or married: Remember how it was with each person and what made it so difficult.  The fact remains that it should not be that hard to be with someone.  If you get up in the morning next to that person and you get a bad feeling like anger or r

I have often times shared this saying: "Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die".  That my friends is one of the few truths of life.  Forgiving others is like lifting the darkness away and dancing your way to the most spirit filled place inside you that will ever be in.  Nothing says hell like being angry at someone for something that has already happened and has no bearing anymore.  Anger will poison your heart and physically make you sick because unlike forgiving anger helps us to relive our hell and continue down the dark path to a state of illness.  Forgiveness on the other hand heals us and cleanses us, takes us away from the darkness and into the light.  Forgiveness is a state of love and in forgiving others and ourselves we can only go up to the heavenly place in ourselves. I lived angry for over ten years of my life.  In fact I don't think I'd ever been that angry ever.  I would do things to hide it and then suddenly it would rear

I understand that it takes all kinds and I also get that some of us are not living up to our fullness.  I don't mean potential I mean living our life like we mean it.  Doing things that make us soar not just bring us a little joy but that make us fly like a bird.  Living like we mean it means doing everything of what we mean to do.  There is nothing left to chance but rather we play and we enjoy every moment that we can while we are here.  No feeling sorry for yourself and no regrets the next day.  Living like there is not tomorrow and there is only today is living life like we really care.  Like we mean it. You know when you are living life like you meant it when you don't second guess yourself and you don't wait for approval from anyone.  You do the things that lift you way up and you don't apologize to anyone for being you.  You don't take prisoners but at the same time you are never to be imprisoned by anything: job, spouse, friend or stranger.  No one tells y

There is a part of us that is humble and a part of us that believes we should love others and not judge others.  There is a part of us that is spiritual and knows we are all interconnected, even the plants and the animals, not just human beings.  There is a movement of people who believe that love is the answer and that hating and jealousy or greed is harmful to all of us.  In the Buddhist tradition the belief is that we are here to be in your highest joy and to help lift others.  We are here to spread love and to live in serenity and balance.  But for some the battle is inside themselves and it is often called the ego mind.  That ego mind judges and believes that winning at any cost is imperative and that competition is more natural than collaboration and loving connection.  That helping others is OK as long as it benefits us. The ego mind is that part of us that taps our shoulder and asks us to judge, manipulate, become jealous or compete with others at work to get their job from t

This blog is going to start out dark but if you stay with  me it is going to end in light.  During the time I was being treated for my "health opportunity" one night in the hospital I had my very first "panic attack".  The reason I knew was because I had not felt that afraid, paranoid or scared in my life.  Then my then therapist verified it for me by saying: "yes, that sounds like a classic panic attack".  I was scared so badly that I did not push the button for a nurse thinking that something worse would happen than was already happening at the moment.  I was truly not rational.  The next day I thought about my life and when I was almost asleep I heard a voice ask me "Are you ready, Elliott?"  I knew immediately what she was asking me.  It was for me the voice of Spirit in female form.  At that point I had been quite upset and had not received any medication for the anxiety.  I decided to respond with a "yes".  She then asked me if I

I have been thinking about giving a fun and perhaps meaningful meaning  to each day and I came up with some positive ideas that each of us could focus on every day of the week, making every day a special day by giving it a meaningful twist. This is what I came up with: Mellow Monday: I have decided that Mondays will be mellow and relaxing.  My suggestion is that we don't make any big decisions and kind of float on Mondays making it as relaxed as possible.  No matter what comes at us the trick is to not internalize it and to take it easy and breezy.  On Mellow Mondays we will not call about an appointment or try to get some bill or situation resolved and for more reason because Mondays are the busiest time in the places like phone companies and doctor's offices.  Take Monday as that first day back at work to be more relaxed and do things a little bit slower if at all possible.  No rushing just doing as you go along with a natural flow. Terrific Tuesdays: Decide that Tues

There are many women who have been abused sexually by men in the workplace.  Anita Hill was only one of many, if not thousands of women, maybe even millions.  The thing about accusing a male of this crime is really a roll of the dice for women, especially when they are powerful men like the judge (Thomas) she stated and detailed every obscenity this man aimed at her.  In the end as some know she was never believed and in fact she was humiliated and even her life was threatened.  Why would Anita Hill accuse Clarence Thomas of sexual harassment and complete disrespect?  Why would any woman do this and then be so specifically.  I for one believed every single word out of her mouth.  There was not any reason for her to come forward and make up such a alleged lie.  It was obvious that nothing was rehearsed.  It was obvious that she could clearly detail everything that happened without skipping a beat.  We can never ever forget Anita Hill. Today I saw a documentary about Anita Hill and the

"What you bring forth will save you.  What you don't will destroy you".  This is a quote from a guest on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday today. This statement is one that is very true.  When we hold things back we destroy a part of ourselves whether it is letting others know we feel hurt or stating our deepest feelings.  Nothing is worse than holding it in and sucking it up.  We internalize it and we become spiritually and emotionally ill.  I am so much for stating what I need now because I feel it important.  Holding in your voice will make you feel badly and it will keep you in the Buddhist belief is hell.  Hell is the state we remain in when we don't speak our mind and defend our rights or fight for social justice.  Not just go to events but to be the example of justice, kindness and courage. When  I was married I felt like I did not have a voice.  Like many people in relationships my former spouse had a false power over me.  Because I believed it I not only got

I found out the hard way how to prepare for any party.  For a long time I was doing everything at the last moment or the same day.  Big mistake!  There are some good tricks to having a great party where you can enjoy the party as if you were a guest and here they go: 1.  Hire one or two hosts for the party: Get some college students or ask around about people who may need some extra cash and hire them as hosts.  10-15 dollars an hour will be well worth the money you spend for a few hours.  Have duties and dress code stipulated to them in writing.  These hosts can do everything from making drinks to answering the door and greeting your guests.  You will be happy you did this because for once you will enjoy the party. 2.  Create stations and a buffet: An easier way to do a party is buffet style and setting up stations that are labeled with a lovely decorative card or one you make from index cards.  Stations can be ones such as: Liquor, Wine, Dessert and Coffee, Buffet Plates with

Today Is a culmination of my blogs on the Buddhist ten states of life.  I want to be clear in saying that Buddhism is not a religion it is a "practice".  The more you practice it the closer I think one is to becoming Buddha like or acquiring Buddha-hood.  You don't have to be a saint to get to be like a Buhhda although in some sectors of this practice it is believed that you can only achieve it upon death.  I would rather have it now I don't know about you.  I think that we certainly do create that state of life called Hell because we don't believe we deserve anything better.  It is why we stay in abusive situations in relationships, friendships or at work.  We think that the state of hell is normal and that it is what we should expect.  I Elliott Maximo Collazo no longer believe that.  I believe I will get closer and have become closer to my highest joy called Buddha-hood which is a much happier place to live. For review the ten states of life are: Buddha-hoo

The Day My Heart Sang The day my heart sang I believed the truth, when a doctor only believed in facts. The day that my heart sang I received the news, that my life would never ever be the same again. The day my heart sang I cried a million tears, alone on the bathroom while I bled onto the floor. The day that my heart sang I decided that my faith, would be the one thing that would save me. The day my heart sang, I occupied a bathtub, I called out but that person was not there. The day my heart sang I started to understand, that I could make it without anyone sitting next to me. The day my heart sang I completely gave in, to the spirit source that brought me here. The day my heart sang I danced with my friend, and then I knew my heart was singing because there was a beat. The day that my heart starting singing I was freed, of  all the pain that made me think that I'd not sing again. Elliott Maximo Collazo Gonzalez

The very last state of our life is referred to as Buddhahood.  Who knew?  I had referred to Buddha-hood before using the word not knowing that it was a word at all.  To my surprise it is a word and it has a meaning.  Buddhahood means that you are an enlightened person.  Unlike in the past it is no longer a state that only some can get to.  It is one that anyone can acheive.  It does not mean that you are a saint but rather that you are filled with compassion, you are courageous and acheived some pure wisdom.  It does not mean that you think yourself better or smarter in life than others.  In fact people who are enlightened help others and are humble.  It is not that they are not self-assured as well for there is nothing wrong with feeling an inner peace that perhaps one did not feel before, a serenity that many are seeking. We are all on a journey to Buddha-hood is what I think. It is not a state of perfection but rather a state of inner peace and overwhelming joy where one even laug