How To Address Your Anger
Just recently I found out that someone who I was married to caused and overdraft by paying his car payment from a joint account that we use to have together and that now there is a 46.00 fine to pay. Since I have been with the bank for a long time and my name is on the account I thought I would likely be stuck paying the fines when I was not the person who caused the overdraft. Fast forward and update: I just talked to the bank and they have waived the fines and only charged me 12.00 to resolve it and close the account as of today. Goddess is good and to my credit I calmly addressed it without anger. Whenever I have addressed things without anger I find myself in a place of much peace and serenity when for all intents and purposes I could have lost my cool. Which brings me to lesson number one:
Decide and get calm:
Before you deal with anything that may trigger you, get calm. Take some deep breaths, say a prayer, meditate, chant or take time to ask yourself to stay cool and keep your head about you.
Take your time:
Now that you have made a conscious decision to remain level headed you can go to the next step. If you are feeling the anger don't make the call or don't send off that email. There is no rush. In fact make it a habit to put emails in your draft folder until you are sure and reread it. Take your time and don't jump into addressing it right away when you have the time to think things through. Rushing is a sure way to get yourself into trouble.
Call a Mentor or Friend:
Talk things out. Let the anger out by calling someone who cares about you and is willing to hear you out. Say the hellish things you should not say because if you do it's not going to solve the issue. Ask your trusted friend what he or she would do. Ask your mentor to say things to you that might help you to help you release it.
Do something else:
Take a walk, exercise, go shopping, get out of the house or journal. Do something else that might help you to calm down.
Put it down, pick it up later:
Put the issue down for now and address the person or issue later. If it can wait until tomorrow then wait till tomorrow. Put it down and do something else. Stop thinking about it for now. Pick it up when you are ready and if you can pick it up at a later time. Let your anger subside before you do something you might regret.
Forgive the other party:
Forgiveness is very healing and subsides anger. Holding on to anger will poison you and we all know that saying: "anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die". Do everything in your spirit to forgive the person or situation that made you angry. Often times it is person who is close to you and that you will likely go back to or see in the long run or maybe sooner than you think.
Take a nap:
There have been times when I have taken a nap and when I wake up I feel a lot less tension or anxiety or anger. Sometimes lack of rest is why we are angry and irrational. Anger can subside if you get the rest you know you may need. The lack of rest may be the reason your anger is much higher than it should be. A nice rest will make you feel better and sometimes much less reactionary.
Write it out:
Write for about 15-20 minutes about what is making you feel angry. Say what you need to say about it or to the person you are mad at. Then shred it or burn it if you have a safe place to burn it. Say to yourself "I let go of the anger I feel about or towards...". Writing will help you release the anger.
Get professional help:
If you feel you are angry often it may be time to get professional help to manage your anger. there are also classes for anger management and if you feel you need medication be honest with yourself and get on medication that will help you. IT is possible that you have an chemical issue that needs to be addressed.
No matter how you address your anger, remember that anger does not help us to resolve things. it does not mean that you cannot be angry because that is normal. Everyone has anger and everyone has been angry. Denying it is not going to make it go away. Be honest with yourself and do the things you need to do to nurture yourself and heal from angry feelings.
Decide and get calm:
Before you deal with anything that may trigger you, get calm. Take some deep breaths, say a prayer, meditate, chant or take time to ask yourself to stay cool and keep your head about you.
Take your time:
Now that you have made a conscious decision to remain level headed you can go to the next step. If you are feeling the anger don't make the call or don't send off that email. There is no rush. In fact make it a habit to put emails in your draft folder until you are sure and reread it. Take your time and don't jump into addressing it right away when you have the time to think things through. Rushing is a sure way to get yourself into trouble.
Call a Mentor or Friend:
Talk things out. Let the anger out by calling someone who cares about you and is willing to hear you out. Say the hellish things you should not say because if you do it's not going to solve the issue. Ask your trusted friend what he or she would do. Ask your mentor to say things to you that might help you to help you release it.
Do something else:
Take a walk, exercise, go shopping, get out of the house or journal. Do something else that might help you to calm down.
Put it down, pick it up later:
Put the issue down for now and address the person or issue later. If it can wait until tomorrow then wait till tomorrow. Put it down and do something else. Stop thinking about it for now. Pick it up when you are ready and if you can pick it up at a later time. Let your anger subside before you do something you might regret.
Forgive the other party:
Forgiveness is very healing and subsides anger. Holding on to anger will poison you and we all know that saying: "anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die". Do everything in your spirit to forgive the person or situation that made you angry. Often times it is person who is close to you and that you will likely go back to or see in the long run or maybe sooner than you think.
Take a nap:
There have been times when I have taken a nap and when I wake up I feel a lot less tension or anxiety or anger. Sometimes lack of rest is why we are angry and irrational. Anger can subside if you get the rest you know you may need. The lack of rest may be the reason your anger is much higher than it should be. A nice rest will make you feel better and sometimes much less reactionary.
Write it out:
Write for about 15-20 minutes about what is making you feel angry. Say what you need to say about it or to the person you are mad at. Then shred it or burn it if you have a safe place to burn it. Say to yourself "I let go of the anger I feel about or towards...". Writing will help you release the anger.
Get professional help:
If you feel you are angry often it may be time to get professional help to manage your anger. there are also classes for anger management and if you feel you need medication be honest with yourself and get on medication that will help you. IT is possible that you have an chemical issue that needs to be addressed.
No matter how you address your anger, remember that anger does not help us to resolve things. it does not mean that you cannot be angry because that is normal. Everyone has anger and everyone has been angry. Denying it is not going to make it go away. Be honest with yourself and do the things you need to do to nurture yourself and heal from angry feelings.
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