Reasons Not to Tell It All
I use to think that telling people you meet our full story and that full disclosure is a good thing. After thinking about it I think that it is not just a mistake to tell it all too soon but that it could be fatal. Now I would "refuse to answer on the grounds that it might incriminate me". This is what I would suggest:
Keep some of your business yours always:
There could very well be a good case for not telling anyone everything no matter who they are. Some things as they say "are better left unsaid" so don't say them. Take a don't ask don't tell stance and save those private and personal matters that are about your heart your own and they can stay your own. There is not any reason why not, especially until you become aware of who you are addressing and dealing with. Some may call it lying but I call it privacy now that I know better.
What you say can and will be held against you:
When someone asks you how many sexual encounters you have had I would strongly suggest you not say. How many sexual partners you had before has nothing to do with now. The question is inappropriate to begin with and later your response may come back to haunt you when things don't work out. Keep in mind that what you tell others is not always used for the best purpose and that you have a right not to share certain things that don't feel comfortable to share or even smart to share.
People jump to conclusions:
When you tell others information about you and your family business people may jump to conclusions. Some will go into the "poor you" stuff and others won't understand it for what it really is and really means. In fact they may draw their own conclusions and begin to spin a story that you may not recognize like one person who assumed I "raised in the ghetto" when I shared my story of my family life with her. In fact I was raised in the suburbs of Ohio and I was born there as well. The fact that I was Hispanic seemed to motivate her to put her own spin on my life from the dysfunctional family things I'd shared with her and her son. People will draw their own conclusions and make up their own stories. That would be yet another reason why you may want to consider keeping it to yourself.
Some Folks don't want to hear it:
There are people who would rather not hear your story especially if it is colorful and somewhat negative. There are others who are not sympathetic or compassionate and will merely minimize your story and your truths. It could be a waste of time to share with people who don't get it and many don't. Again folks will place their spin on it and in fact may accuse you of being a "Debbie Downer" which happened to me when I shared that I believed in spirits of people who have passed. In fact I was rudely told by one lady that she was glad that I spared her the details and that she not only did not believe in spirits she did not believe in God. She seized the chance to throw that last part in or at least it felt that way. It felt hurtful but what I thought about was how dumb I was to expect anything at all from this person who did not believe in anything and was closed to everything. People just don't want to hear it and unless they ask don't break out in a song about your life.
People will use it:
Later when people get angry they may use the information you gave them against you and down you with the very information you gave them word by word. One person I know who told her husband everything about his dad leaving and his mom being abusive told his mother who in turn used it to insult her. It was a classic example of people using information to hurt others. Mean spirited humans do this all the time. They turn to their animal like and hellish instincts.
It doesn't matter anymore:
Leave your story in the past if you can. It is not in your highest good to repeat it to anyone except maybe your therapist. It makes you look like you want pity and many people take that the wrong way. The reality is that you cannot hold on to your past and your stories so it is likely a great idea not to spell it out for others. Make some room for your new story. In fact spread your wings and come out of the darkness of your shell and into the butterfly state.
More soon...
Keep some of your business yours always:
There could very well be a good case for not telling anyone everything no matter who they are. Some things as they say "are better left unsaid" so don't say them. Take a don't ask don't tell stance and save those private and personal matters that are about your heart your own and they can stay your own. There is not any reason why not, especially until you become aware of who you are addressing and dealing with. Some may call it lying but I call it privacy now that I know better.
What you say can and will be held against you:
When someone asks you how many sexual encounters you have had I would strongly suggest you not say. How many sexual partners you had before has nothing to do with now. The question is inappropriate to begin with and later your response may come back to haunt you when things don't work out. Keep in mind that what you tell others is not always used for the best purpose and that you have a right not to share certain things that don't feel comfortable to share or even smart to share.
People jump to conclusions:
When you tell others information about you and your family business people may jump to conclusions. Some will go into the "poor you" stuff and others won't understand it for what it really is and really means. In fact they may draw their own conclusions and begin to spin a story that you may not recognize like one person who assumed I "raised in the ghetto" when I shared my story of my family life with her. In fact I was raised in the suburbs of Ohio and I was born there as well. The fact that I was Hispanic seemed to motivate her to put her own spin on my life from the dysfunctional family things I'd shared with her and her son. People will draw their own conclusions and make up their own stories. That would be yet another reason why you may want to consider keeping it to yourself.
Some Folks don't want to hear it:
There are people who would rather not hear your story especially if it is colorful and somewhat negative. There are others who are not sympathetic or compassionate and will merely minimize your story and your truths. It could be a waste of time to share with people who don't get it and many don't. Again folks will place their spin on it and in fact may accuse you of being a "Debbie Downer" which happened to me when I shared that I believed in spirits of people who have passed. In fact I was rudely told by one lady that she was glad that I spared her the details and that she not only did not believe in spirits she did not believe in God. She seized the chance to throw that last part in or at least it felt that way. It felt hurtful but what I thought about was how dumb I was to expect anything at all from this person who did not believe in anything and was closed to everything. People just don't want to hear it and unless they ask don't break out in a song about your life.
People will use it:
Later when people get angry they may use the information you gave them against you and down you with the very information you gave them word by word. One person I know who told her husband everything about his dad leaving and his mom being abusive told his mother who in turn used it to insult her. It was a classic example of people using information to hurt others. Mean spirited humans do this all the time. They turn to their animal like and hellish instincts.
It doesn't matter anymore:
Leave your story in the past if you can. It is not in your highest good to repeat it to anyone except maybe your therapist. It makes you look like you want pity and many people take that the wrong way. The reality is that you cannot hold on to your past and your stories so it is likely a great idea not to spell it out for others. Make some room for your new story. In fact spread your wings and come out of the darkness of your shell and into the butterfly state.
More soon...
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