Love Lunch Dates
I want to begin this blog by suggesting that you have a lunch date or dinner date once a month with you best friends. I have been doing just this with a friend I have known for about thirty years and it has truly inspired our relationship and made it even deeper. Today was such a day and to add more joy to it we were affirming of each other about many things. I told him how wonderful he was and he the same. Both of us agreed that because our partners did not like us did not mean there was anything wrong with us. In fact what I affirmed was the many people who think highly of me and say so all the time, complementing me about many of my talents like decorating, problem solving and my ability to give to others. Many of my friends and family feel that I look great all the time and that I care for myself in a very special and unique manner that states that I have pride.
For me the last year has been a test and I survived it. I survived the treatments for cancer. I survived the abuse from a partner who did not respect or love me in a way that honored me. I survived the friends who never bothered to call me anymore and are holding grudges. I survived being alone in a big house that I love and nurtured and I will survive every other thing that comes my way. I did so with grace in part and in part through trial and error. I made my mistakes and I am OK with that. I said what I needed to say and I am glad I did. Today over lunch I was affirmed by someone I consider to be smart, handsome, loving, kind, generous and funny. By a person who I have loved for many years and a person who has sought me out over all this time. I must be somebody. In fact I am somebody and that somebody is very special.
Years have gone by yet when we are together my friend and I bask in the joy and laughter. Both of us have a dry sense of humor and both of us love to share ourselves with an open heart and mind. It is a special bond we have and one we will likely share for many years to come, or so I hope. He is one of the reasons why I live in a place of more joy, looking forward to those lunch dates when we connect heart to heart and mind to mind. It is a pleasure to be around him and we give each other hope and inspiriation. I cherish the time we are together. It is very special. We even talked about the possibility of going to Italy together, sighting how independent we both are and how lovely that would be.
When we have dates with our friends we rekindle the love and the respect for that person. We affirm things for each other that give us more meaning and make us special knowing we can both use that affirmative love. Going on dates with our friends is intimate and beautiful. It helps us to re-establish our similarities and to grow in our love. As I sat with my friend today I looked across the table thinking "what a beautiful person he is" and "he is so handsome and kind". In my mind I was projecting all the things I want to think of myself. That I am a beautiful person and that I am kind and compassionate. I am not that person my former partner painted me out to be but rather a beautiful soulful Latino with something meaningful to say, even if he did not think so.
As my friend and I continue to meet monthly I see more and more who he is and I reveal more of who I am. We are getting back to that place of comfort with each other where we share our feelings and our pain more freely. I can see him from a different lens than before, more clearly and precisely. I can feel his heart and his love and moreover his compassion, something I did not have in a painful relationship with a person who took every opportunity to put me down or make fun of me thinking he would feel better, more worthy afterwards. The truth of who I am has come out now and now I know it was not my fault that he and his family kicked me time and again. It was not my fault that he did not have much good to say about me or my children. It was not my fault that his uncle called Blacks niggers or his brother disliked the Jewish experience being shared again. None of it was my fault. I did not cause his behavior and I did not deserve it.
Love lunch dates are amazing healing agents. You spend this time eating with a person who cares about you and thinks highly of you. You are with a like minded person going through life as you are and expressing love the way you do. Someone who is not homophobic and ashamed of themselves and someone who can kiss a man even though he is not sexually attracted to them. A person who can raise you up and know he is raising himself up at the same time. A man who is a real man and not a person pretending to be a grown up. A person who has the ability to love someone, not for what they can get but for what they can give.
Spend time with your friends beloveds so that in this way you too will know sheer love.
For me the last year has been a test and I survived it. I survived the treatments for cancer. I survived the abuse from a partner who did not respect or love me in a way that honored me. I survived the friends who never bothered to call me anymore and are holding grudges. I survived being alone in a big house that I love and nurtured and I will survive every other thing that comes my way. I did so with grace in part and in part through trial and error. I made my mistakes and I am OK with that. I said what I needed to say and I am glad I did. Today over lunch I was affirmed by someone I consider to be smart, handsome, loving, kind, generous and funny. By a person who I have loved for many years and a person who has sought me out over all this time. I must be somebody. In fact I am somebody and that somebody is very special.
Years have gone by yet when we are together my friend and I bask in the joy and laughter. Both of us have a dry sense of humor and both of us love to share ourselves with an open heart and mind. It is a special bond we have and one we will likely share for many years to come, or so I hope. He is one of the reasons why I live in a place of more joy, looking forward to those lunch dates when we connect heart to heart and mind to mind. It is a pleasure to be around him and we give each other hope and inspiriation. I cherish the time we are together. It is very special. We even talked about the possibility of going to Italy together, sighting how independent we both are and how lovely that would be.
When we have dates with our friends we rekindle the love and the respect for that person. We affirm things for each other that give us more meaning and make us special knowing we can both use that affirmative love. Going on dates with our friends is intimate and beautiful. It helps us to re-establish our similarities and to grow in our love. As I sat with my friend today I looked across the table thinking "what a beautiful person he is" and "he is so handsome and kind". In my mind I was projecting all the things I want to think of myself. That I am a beautiful person and that I am kind and compassionate. I am not that person my former partner painted me out to be but rather a beautiful soulful Latino with something meaningful to say, even if he did not think so.
As my friend and I continue to meet monthly I see more and more who he is and I reveal more of who I am. We are getting back to that place of comfort with each other where we share our feelings and our pain more freely. I can see him from a different lens than before, more clearly and precisely. I can feel his heart and his love and moreover his compassion, something I did not have in a painful relationship with a person who took every opportunity to put me down or make fun of me thinking he would feel better, more worthy afterwards. The truth of who I am has come out now and now I know it was not my fault that he and his family kicked me time and again. It was not my fault that he did not have much good to say about me or my children. It was not my fault that his uncle called Blacks niggers or his brother disliked the Jewish experience being shared again. None of it was my fault. I did not cause his behavior and I did not deserve it.
Love lunch dates are amazing healing agents. You spend this time eating with a person who cares about you and thinks highly of you. You are with a like minded person going through life as you are and expressing love the way you do. Someone who is not homophobic and ashamed of themselves and someone who can kiss a man even though he is not sexually attracted to them. A person who can raise you up and know he is raising himself up at the same time. A man who is a real man and not a person pretending to be a grown up. A person who has the ability to love someone, not for what they can get but for what they can give.
Spend time with your friends beloveds so that in this way you too will know sheer love.
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