Forgetting Will Kill You
I realize that the title to this blog is truly not what you were expecting and a bit strong even for my standards but it is meant to get your attention and to protect each of us from repeating the same patterns in relationships. Forgiving is wonderful but forgetting could be quite detrimental to your well being. When we forget about the abuser or that person who we expelled too much energy into changing or waiting for them to change is likely something that could literally kill you. We must never forget our negative experienced with people so that we don't repeat them again. So that we won't put our blinders on again and remain in a prison we fashion for ourselves.
Remember the types of people you have dated, had a relationship with or married:
Remember how it was with each person and what made it so difficult. The fact remains that it should not be that hard to be with someone. If you get up in the morning next to that person and you get a bad feeling like anger or resentment then that person is not the one for you. Try to remember that feeling so that you don't repeat the same M.O. as I refer to it. Write down the things that you know were irritating and downright abusive about the relationship. Make absolutely sure not to settle again.
We have settled:
The truth about relationships is that we settle for whatever comes along too often or more than not. We get picked by someone who flatters us and we don't realize that we have once again settled for a person who is not up to our standards and who does not have what we want in a partner or even a short term relationship.
When they move in right away without asking:
A sign that you are headed for trouble is when the person you meet does not go home. In fact they never leave after the first time you allow them to stay overnight. Without blinking they begin to bring their things to your home or they are there every night taking a bubble bath and asking you to be intimate and scrub their back after a few days in. Know this sign and ask them to go home. If it's meant to be the relationship can begin with him or her living in their own place for at least a year. Don't move them in and don't let them sneak their way in. Usually if you go to their home it will be a mess explaining why they like your house better and won't leave. One person told me he did not like it in his home because it was dark and dreary. In fact it was that and more. The details would make you throw up.
If they are on their high horse often it's a bad sign:
People who always want to be right and are braggers are usually not what they say they are, otherwise they would not need to brag. I recall one person telling me: "I am very nice" and I responded with "If you were nice you would not need to tell anyone you are". I was soon convinced that the last thing he was was nice. In fact in grammar school he was a terrible bully and was often suspended for it. If a person has to announce that they come from a "leave it to beaver family" then their family was likely more fucked up than yours. Don't believe it. When someone is competitive all the time or often, it is a sign that they are on their own platform and need to be run from.
If you don't get flowers or cards or poems or dinner out:
This is a sure sign of someone who is not thoughtful and who may even be very cheap. They spend as little money on you as possible and they will constantly be this cheap person who does not give love some thought and power behind the "I love you" saying. Run faster than a bat out of hell from these folks. They will continue to be cheap and will likely turn off the light in a room when you are looking for something in a drawer alleging that the light does not need to be on. They chase you all over the house to turn lights off. They are not just cheap they are irritating.
If he or she won't dress appropriately or dress up:
This is a sign of an unkept person who does not care how he or she looks. This person will fight you to the end not to wear a suit when needed or dress nicely even for your birthday. Usually they are also not very good at hygienic. In fact it usually comes hand in hand. A poor dresser is usually poor smelling. Many don't wear cologne or wear too much of it to conceal the lack of bathing. They are usually not very appealing in bed because frankly they don't taste good if you get my drift.
Judgemental and Bigoted folks:
I lived with a bigot and had to deal with his family for over ten years. It was exhausting. He called blacks Hawques and dark chocolates. It was exhausting and ignorant. I cannot ever justify why I stayed in the relationship so I won't try to.
Remember the types of people you have dated, had a relationship with or married:
Remember how it was with each person and what made it so difficult. The fact remains that it should not be that hard to be with someone. If you get up in the morning next to that person and you get a bad feeling like anger or resentment then that person is not the one for you. Try to remember that feeling so that you don't repeat the same M.O. as I refer to it. Write down the things that you know were irritating and downright abusive about the relationship. Make absolutely sure not to settle again.
We have settled:
The truth about relationships is that we settle for whatever comes along too often or more than not. We get picked by someone who flatters us and we don't realize that we have once again settled for a person who is not up to our standards and who does not have what we want in a partner or even a short term relationship.
When they move in right away without asking:
A sign that you are headed for trouble is when the person you meet does not go home. In fact they never leave after the first time you allow them to stay overnight. Without blinking they begin to bring their things to your home or they are there every night taking a bubble bath and asking you to be intimate and scrub their back after a few days in. Know this sign and ask them to go home. If it's meant to be the relationship can begin with him or her living in their own place for at least a year. Don't move them in and don't let them sneak their way in. Usually if you go to their home it will be a mess explaining why they like your house better and won't leave. One person told me he did not like it in his home because it was dark and dreary. In fact it was that and more. The details would make you throw up.
If they are on their high horse often it's a bad sign:
People who always want to be right and are braggers are usually not what they say they are, otherwise they would not need to brag. I recall one person telling me: "I am very nice" and I responded with "If you were nice you would not need to tell anyone you are". I was soon convinced that the last thing he was was nice. In fact in grammar school he was a terrible bully and was often suspended for it. If a person has to announce that they come from a "leave it to beaver family" then their family was likely more fucked up than yours. Don't believe it. When someone is competitive all the time or often, it is a sign that they are on their own platform and need to be run from.
If you don't get flowers or cards or poems or dinner out:
This is a sure sign of someone who is not thoughtful and who may even be very cheap. They spend as little money on you as possible and they will constantly be this cheap person who does not give love some thought and power behind the "I love you" saying. Run faster than a bat out of hell from these folks. They will continue to be cheap and will likely turn off the light in a room when you are looking for something in a drawer alleging that the light does not need to be on. They chase you all over the house to turn lights off. They are not just cheap they are irritating.
If he or she won't dress appropriately or dress up:
This is a sign of an unkept person who does not care how he or she looks. This person will fight you to the end not to wear a suit when needed or dress nicely even for your birthday. Usually they are also not very good at hygienic. In fact it usually comes hand in hand. A poor dresser is usually poor smelling. Many don't wear cologne or wear too much of it to conceal the lack of bathing. They are usually not very appealing in bed because frankly they don't taste good if you get my drift.
Judgemental and Bigoted folks:
I lived with a bigot and had to deal with his family for over ten years. It was exhausting. He called blacks Hawques and dark chocolates. It was exhausting and ignorant. I cannot ever justify why I stayed in the relationship so I won't try to.
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