How To Make You Sick
I am a genius I know. I may not have all the answers but it does not stop me from hitting the keys on my cordless keyboard and typing every fucking thing I can think of. It's like when I said to this Black girl how I loved and admired Iyanla and she said to me, "she is really not qualified to do what she does. I found myself ready to chop her head off. Here was a young black girl putting an elder black woman with lots of experience, education, training and degrees dissing another black woman. This to say that some would call me unqualified with my MA in Spiritual Psychology, My BA in Education and my MA in administration, but again, I don't give a fuck. Did I say that out loud? Yeah I did and with that I will write yet another blog on how we make ourselves sick. BTW I am overqualified. LOL.
We make ourselves sick when we:
Stay in neutral or bad relationships:
I like to remind everyone who will listen that I have the t-shirt and I have been there and done it. The reality is that it is close to being the truth and it's dam scary. I stayed in a ten year relationship and was not just miserable I was getting sicker and sicker each year until I was diagnosed with cancer. The emotional toll that the relationship took on me cannot ever be minimized and what I know is that by staying in it I became very ill, seriously ill, terminally ill. But this is not about me, this is about you and each of you must know that the longer you are in a bad or neutral relationship with someone that is going nowhere fast you are at risk of becoming ill, of making yourself sick. Getting out of an Ok relationship is the key to rising above the toxicity that might kill you. We must all know this and understand that the price we pay for ignoring the signs is very very high. Although getting out is difficult it is worth it.
Keep going a job that we hate:
This one is a good one for me as well. I did not stay in a job that I hated for 10 years, I stayed for 29 years until I was able to take an early retirement. If you ask me if it was worth it I would say, hell NO. Many of us are working jobs we hate but we are scared to take a risk and get out. While some will quit a job at the first sign of shit, most of us hang on till we are fired. We are after all Americans and we have a very "high work ethic" so we stay in jobs that suck. It is likely one of the biggest cause of stress, staying in a job that we are miserable in, but we stay and why is a mystery for many of us. Today I understand that no job is worth the feelings and the illness that results from just tolerating it day after day, year after year. We become so tied into our work that we think it defines us, especially when we are making a lot of money. Letting go of a toxic job is risky yet we often fail to see that one day we could come into work and not have a joy. We live with this illusion that we cannot be replaced or that we are secure in a job. Of course this is nonsense as there is not warranty in jobs, period. So if you are in a crazy job consider the serious consequences of staying and then leave. Just get the hell out.
Do not set boundaries with others:
We all know about saying yes when we mean NO. We all know what that is like. We let others walk over us because we want to be accepted so we don't limit others or set some healthy boundaries. Instead we have no boundaries and one day we wake up and realize that we have been living our life for others and their acceptance of us: our children, our parents, our friends. our co-workers included. Setting boundaries is the most crucial thing in life. We must let others know what we will accept and not accept and be able to say NO when we feel it to be in our best interest and say yes to what nurtures us.
Stuff our real feelings down:
There is nothing more self-defeating as stuffing our feelings down. We don't tell others when we are hurt and we don't say what we really feel. We are a society of people who have learned to stuff things down and to appear as though we have it all together. That my friends is bullshit at it's finest. The more we stuff down the more it will rise up in our body until we have successfully made ourselves sick. Stating our real feelings helps us to heal and requires that we say it now and not hold it in. I don't care if you all think that saying it means we are selfish. That is an old story we buy into and that we are trained to believe. The less we stuff down the more we can live in our authentic self and the more we live in our authenticity the better a life we will live, one that is healthy and whole.
Hope it will go away, everything:
This one is close to the stuffing it down except it is us living in a fantasy and this lie and illusion. This requires us to just wait and hope it will go away and this is a huge mistake. Things don't usually go away, in fact the more we ignore it the bigger it gets. Hope is only good when it is about transformation and change. Hope will not make something disappear. I know because I tried to get my abusive parent to disappear and each time I opened my eyes she was still there. I even tried to see if one of my abusive spouses would just roam off and not come back, but she did. We can think and hope and ponder but there is nothing that substitutes action and action taken on time, in a timely manner before we kill ourselves from the poison. I was in a store where this man had the attention of both his spouse and his daughter. He talked without pausing or giving them a chance to respond. His voice was assertive if not loud. I tried to ignore him at first and I thought to myself: "oh Elliott don't let this man get to you". The longer I was around him the louder he became and when I looked up his wife and daughter seemed to be saying: "enough". I was, I admit in judgement of him. I had become so sick of him I wanted to literally slap him and say: "really dude?" Yet what I could of done from the onset was walk away and stop wishing he would shut the fuck up. I made myself sick and it was not until after the fact that I noted that I did it to myself. We think we must hope, grin and bear shit when in fact we don't and in fact we should stop hoping and just get the hell out. People and situations don't disappear, people don't shut up, people don't stop being abusive and people and issues don't just go away. The sooner we get that the better.
Making ourselves sick is an art, one we don't want to master. Making ourselves stressed is a choice and not a given. When we tolerate crap and we don't set boundaries we ultimately make ourselves ill. That seems to be the law of the universe. We just need to learn that lesson.
Questions:
1. How am I making myself ill and in what way? why?
2. What do I need to do to make myself healthy?
3. What myths, lies and illusions is keeping me here in this toxic place in my life?
4. What risks am I willing to take to change my life and become whole?
We make ourselves sick when we:
Stay in neutral or bad relationships:
I like to remind everyone who will listen that I have the t-shirt and I have been there and done it. The reality is that it is close to being the truth and it's dam scary. I stayed in a ten year relationship and was not just miserable I was getting sicker and sicker each year until I was diagnosed with cancer. The emotional toll that the relationship took on me cannot ever be minimized and what I know is that by staying in it I became very ill, seriously ill, terminally ill. But this is not about me, this is about you and each of you must know that the longer you are in a bad or neutral relationship with someone that is going nowhere fast you are at risk of becoming ill, of making yourself sick. Getting out of an Ok relationship is the key to rising above the toxicity that might kill you. We must all know this and understand that the price we pay for ignoring the signs is very very high. Although getting out is difficult it is worth it.
Keep going a job that we hate:
This one is a good one for me as well. I did not stay in a job that I hated for 10 years, I stayed for 29 years until I was able to take an early retirement. If you ask me if it was worth it I would say, hell NO. Many of us are working jobs we hate but we are scared to take a risk and get out. While some will quit a job at the first sign of shit, most of us hang on till we are fired. We are after all Americans and we have a very "high work ethic" so we stay in jobs that suck. It is likely one of the biggest cause of stress, staying in a job that we are miserable in, but we stay and why is a mystery for many of us. Today I understand that no job is worth the feelings and the illness that results from just tolerating it day after day, year after year. We become so tied into our work that we think it defines us, especially when we are making a lot of money. Letting go of a toxic job is risky yet we often fail to see that one day we could come into work and not have a joy. We live with this illusion that we cannot be replaced or that we are secure in a job. Of course this is nonsense as there is not warranty in jobs, period. So if you are in a crazy job consider the serious consequences of staying and then leave. Just get the hell out.
Do not set boundaries with others:
We all know about saying yes when we mean NO. We all know what that is like. We let others walk over us because we want to be accepted so we don't limit others or set some healthy boundaries. Instead we have no boundaries and one day we wake up and realize that we have been living our life for others and their acceptance of us: our children, our parents, our friends. our co-workers included. Setting boundaries is the most crucial thing in life. We must let others know what we will accept and not accept and be able to say NO when we feel it to be in our best interest and say yes to what nurtures us.
Stuff our real feelings down:
There is nothing more self-defeating as stuffing our feelings down. We don't tell others when we are hurt and we don't say what we really feel. We are a society of people who have learned to stuff things down and to appear as though we have it all together. That my friends is bullshit at it's finest. The more we stuff down the more it will rise up in our body until we have successfully made ourselves sick. Stating our real feelings helps us to heal and requires that we say it now and not hold it in. I don't care if you all think that saying it means we are selfish. That is an old story we buy into and that we are trained to believe. The less we stuff down the more we can live in our authentic self and the more we live in our authenticity the better a life we will live, one that is healthy and whole.
Hope it will go away, everything:
This one is close to the stuffing it down except it is us living in a fantasy and this lie and illusion. This requires us to just wait and hope it will go away and this is a huge mistake. Things don't usually go away, in fact the more we ignore it the bigger it gets. Hope is only good when it is about transformation and change. Hope will not make something disappear. I know because I tried to get my abusive parent to disappear and each time I opened my eyes she was still there. I even tried to see if one of my abusive spouses would just roam off and not come back, but she did. We can think and hope and ponder but there is nothing that substitutes action and action taken on time, in a timely manner before we kill ourselves from the poison. I was in a store where this man had the attention of both his spouse and his daughter. He talked without pausing or giving them a chance to respond. His voice was assertive if not loud. I tried to ignore him at first and I thought to myself: "oh Elliott don't let this man get to you". The longer I was around him the louder he became and when I looked up his wife and daughter seemed to be saying: "enough". I was, I admit in judgement of him. I had become so sick of him I wanted to literally slap him and say: "really dude?" Yet what I could of done from the onset was walk away and stop wishing he would shut the fuck up. I made myself sick and it was not until after the fact that I noted that I did it to myself. We think we must hope, grin and bear shit when in fact we don't and in fact we should stop hoping and just get the hell out. People and situations don't disappear, people don't shut up, people don't stop being abusive and people and issues don't just go away. The sooner we get that the better.
Making ourselves sick is an art, one we don't want to master. Making ourselves stressed is a choice and not a given. When we tolerate crap and we don't set boundaries we ultimately make ourselves ill. That seems to be the law of the universe. We just need to learn that lesson.
Questions:
1. How am I making myself ill and in what way? why?
2. What do I need to do to make myself healthy?
3. What myths, lies and illusions is keeping me here in this toxic place in my life?
4. What risks am I willing to take to change my life and become whole?
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