The Four Life Agreements
Many of you may be familiar with Don Miguel Ruiz who wrote "The Four Agreements". I was lucky enough to be directed to this book many years ago and it began my journey to emotional healing. In this book he maps out the four agreements:
1. Be Impeccable with Your Word
2. Don't Take Anything Personally
3. Always Do Your Best
4. Don't Make Assumptions
When I think about being honest and forthright with my words, not taking what others think of me or say to me personally, doing my very best at all times and not assuming but rather asking for what I want and asking that others what they mean, it has transformed my life. It is these 4 agreements that seem so insignificant that altered my entire life and that I go back to every time something unfolds in my life that at first I battle with. When I think about each agreement what comes up for me is living in integrity, doing the self-work I need to do and understanding along the way that everyone has some opinion about me and not many of them are accurate. Finally, that when I personalize what people say and do I find myself becoming angry and resentful when in fact I am only interpreting others actions as a personal affront to me.
Let's examine each agreement one by one:
One: Be Impeccable with Your Word:
This agreement is simply asking us to be honest, to say what we mean and to be in our integrity all the time. It asks us not to sugar coat something or try to make our words consumable. Being impeccable with our word means exactly that and although we justify telling little "white" lies the fact remains that these lies go against this life agreement. I believe that when I am impeccable with my words I share my truth, the truth and speak in truths.
Two: Don't Take Anything Personally:
We often take what others say as valid and we allow it to penetrate us when their opinions of us are projections about themselves. Their pain manifests in their need to hurt someone else or find fault in others. People who tell you who you are and judge you are the same people who think badly of themselves and who are projecting that self-loathing onto you. We must know this and not take what others say as valid, as personal and as true. In our life time we will hear all kinds of criticism about us. We will hear all types of opinions of us and the way we live our life. We must assure ourselves that these are only opinions and not facts.
Three: Don't Make Assumptions:
I think we are a society that takes information that is not yet complete and run with it. We make assumptions of others by the way they dress or by the way they look at us. We assume rich people are stuck up and that poor people are all sad. Making assumptions has gotten all of us into some from of trouble because we assumed that someone loved us or someone was going to save us and it turned out not. I have learned to based things on fact and not what I imagine to be the truth. I have learned the hard way that I would not assume that someone who said she loved me would do things that were loving or that I thought to be loving. When we do this we end up feeling hurt because we cannot assume anything and on the contrary we must wait to see, ask or be told by the source. We fail to communicate what we want because we assume someone will read our mind. We don't communicate clearly with others and when this happens we begin to make assumptions that are untrue. We must remember to ask, to share our truth, to communicate clearly, to say what we believe and to share our feelings instead of waiting to see what happens.
Four: Always Do Your Best:
This agreement is wonderful to me. I am the first to say that I don't always do my best. There have been times when I thought that I could get away with the least amount of work and cash in. The truth is that doing our best is a clear path to being satisfied and not becoming frustrated and upset. When we simply try to do the least we can we get the least results. Doing our best is more important than we think because it is our best that brings us peace inside and allows us to be clear of any guilt or regrets. As I write this blog for all of you I think: "did I do my best?"
So there you have it, the four agreements to live by. I want to advocate for each of you to consider reading the book and can honestly say that it changed my perceptions and it altered my life. IT is the most simple text I have read and yet one of the most powerful and empowering. In the meantime: be impeccable with your word, don't take what others say and do personally, don't assume things, ask, and do the very best you know how to do.
1. Be Impeccable with Your Word
2. Don't Take Anything Personally
3. Always Do Your Best
4. Don't Make Assumptions
When I think about being honest and forthright with my words, not taking what others think of me or say to me personally, doing my very best at all times and not assuming but rather asking for what I want and asking that others what they mean, it has transformed my life. It is these 4 agreements that seem so insignificant that altered my entire life and that I go back to every time something unfolds in my life that at first I battle with. When I think about each agreement what comes up for me is living in integrity, doing the self-work I need to do and understanding along the way that everyone has some opinion about me and not many of them are accurate. Finally, that when I personalize what people say and do I find myself becoming angry and resentful when in fact I am only interpreting others actions as a personal affront to me.
Let's examine each agreement one by one:
One: Be Impeccable with Your Word:
This agreement is simply asking us to be honest, to say what we mean and to be in our integrity all the time. It asks us not to sugar coat something or try to make our words consumable. Being impeccable with our word means exactly that and although we justify telling little "white" lies the fact remains that these lies go against this life agreement. I believe that when I am impeccable with my words I share my truth, the truth and speak in truths.
Two: Don't Take Anything Personally:
We often take what others say as valid and we allow it to penetrate us when their opinions of us are projections about themselves. Their pain manifests in their need to hurt someone else or find fault in others. People who tell you who you are and judge you are the same people who think badly of themselves and who are projecting that self-loathing onto you. We must know this and not take what others say as valid, as personal and as true. In our life time we will hear all kinds of criticism about us. We will hear all types of opinions of us and the way we live our life. We must assure ourselves that these are only opinions and not facts.
Three: Don't Make Assumptions:
I think we are a society that takes information that is not yet complete and run with it. We make assumptions of others by the way they dress or by the way they look at us. We assume rich people are stuck up and that poor people are all sad. Making assumptions has gotten all of us into some from of trouble because we assumed that someone loved us or someone was going to save us and it turned out not. I have learned to based things on fact and not what I imagine to be the truth. I have learned the hard way that I would not assume that someone who said she loved me would do things that were loving or that I thought to be loving. When we do this we end up feeling hurt because we cannot assume anything and on the contrary we must wait to see, ask or be told by the source. We fail to communicate what we want because we assume someone will read our mind. We don't communicate clearly with others and when this happens we begin to make assumptions that are untrue. We must remember to ask, to share our truth, to communicate clearly, to say what we believe and to share our feelings instead of waiting to see what happens.
Four: Always Do Your Best:
This agreement is wonderful to me. I am the first to say that I don't always do my best. There have been times when I thought that I could get away with the least amount of work and cash in. The truth is that doing our best is a clear path to being satisfied and not becoming frustrated and upset. When we simply try to do the least we can we get the least results. Doing our best is more important than we think because it is our best that brings us peace inside and allows us to be clear of any guilt or regrets. As I write this blog for all of you I think: "did I do my best?"
So there you have it, the four agreements to live by. I want to advocate for each of you to consider reading the book and can honestly say that it changed my perceptions and it altered my life. IT is the most simple text I have read and yet one of the most powerful and empowering. In the meantime: be impeccable with your word, don't take what others say and do personally, don't assume things, ask, and do the very best you know how to do.
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