How to Improve Relationships
Relationships can become stagnant when they are lacking attention, agreements, clarity and effort. Many long term relationships become like a routine and as time passes they lose their appeal. We are good at having a relationship and not being IN relationship. We settle for what we can get even though we know we are unhappy. Many of us opt not to do the work involved in maintaining a great relationship like keeping the lines of communication open or just being honest about what we need and what we are concerned about. It seems easier to ignore the signs that tell us we are in trouble, yet there are solid ways to enhance and improve our love relationships with our spouses, partners and other family members. Here's how:
Agreements:
In every relationship there are unwritten agreements yet in most relationships these agreements are not ones agreed upon or talked about. We assume that when we marry someone that they know to be monogamous or that when the other person becomes ill that we take care of her or him. The fact remains that we must talk about agreements and do this openly and honestly. After a period of time in a relationship there is a need to talk about the agreements. Agreements can be connected to boundaries whereby each person asks that a particular boundary not be crossed such as "no put downs" or other types of verbal abuse. We identify agreements that relate to something that we are struggling with in the relationship like agreeing to do our part in the home or going out on a date once a week. Agreements are not limited to intimate relationships like marriage but can also be useful between family members or friends. Sitting down and talking about what each person needs and making some agreements around those needs or concerns is the first step to making any relationship work better.
Weekly Check Ins:
Most couples and families do not have a regular time that they sit and share concerns as well as their joys. In fact many of us live in "crisis mode" and we address problems only when they arise and most of the time when they become severe and serious. Having a weekly meeting avoids an accumulation of issues and gives us a chance to reveal our concerns and discuss solutions. A weekly meeting with our spouse or family helps the relationships to flourish and grow. When we face issues head on by creating a safe space to share with one another we avoid blow outs that come from a lack of communication. Although having weekly meetings requires some rules and protocol once those perimeters are set they can be a source of healing and way to maintain emotionally healthy connections with people we love.
Ask and be clear:
None of us are mind readers and we must understand that we have to ask for what we want by communicating it clearly and honestly. We cannot expect to receive what we need or want by displays of anger or by withholding love. The best and most effective manner with which we can get others to understand our feelings is by sharing them and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. Most of us have thought like this: "he should know me by now and know what I need". The truth is that not one person really knows with complete accuracy what your needs, wants and feelings are. Only you know with certainty what your needs, wants and feelings are and sharing them with the ones you love is the only way to possibly get those needs met.
Listen closely:
A great listener understands that in being a great listener he or she will learn something. In relationships we often times forget to listen and before someone has finished their sentence we have an answer for them. The problem with this is that we become programmed to challenge the ones we love versus co-creating with them. We believe we have heard all that a person has to say and all that he or she thinks when in fact we never will. When we challenge ourselves to be attentive and listen we create a vessel for someone to express in ways we might not have heard before. When we say to someone, "I am willing to hear you" we gift them and it gives us a chance to hear their feelings and to open ourselves up to helping to heal what is our part to heal. It is when we do not listen to someone over years of time that we often times manifest a crisis in any relationship, especially those close to us.
Do your best:
The last yet not the least important is to do your best every day and every time in relationship. Always be willing to do your part and to communicate with those you love. Become vulnerable and know that being humble will bring about love and compassion and hope. Show up for those you love but also make sure to show up for yourself. Do your best to be in your highest vibration so that you can share that with others. Do the self-work that you need to do in order to show up as your best self., whether that means getting counseling, exercising or praying. We can only do our best if we are living our best life.
Comments? Please feel free to share your views at the bottom of each blog. If you have an idea or even a question I read every comment and would consider an idea for a future blog, sometimes evolving from a simple question.
In Light and Joy, Coach Elliott
Agreements:
In every relationship there are unwritten agreements yet in most relationships these agreements are not ones agreed upon or talked about. We assume that when we marry someone that they know to be monogamous or that when the other person becomes ill that we take care of her or him. The fact remains that we must talk about agreements and do this openly and honestly. After a period of time in a relationship there is a need to talk about the agreements. Agreements can be connected to boundaries whereby each person asks that a particular boundary not be crossed such as "no put downs" or other types of verbal abuse. We identify agreements that relate to something that we are struggling with in the relationship like agreeing to do our part in the home or going out on a date once a week. Agreements are not limited to intimate relationships like marriage but can also be useful between family members or friends. Sitting down and talking about what each person needs and making some agreements around those needs or concerns is the first step to making any relationship work better.
Weekly Check Ins:
Most couples and families do not have a regular time that they sit and share concerns as well as their joys. In fact many of us live in "crisis mode" and we address problems only when they arise and most of the time when they become severe and serious. Having a weekly meeting avoids an accumulation of issues and gives us a chance to reveal our concerns and discuss solutions. A weekly meeting with our spouse or family helps the relationships to flourish and grow. When we face issues head on by creating a safe space to share with one another we avoid blow outs that come from a lack of communication. Although having weekly meetings requires some rules and protocol once those perimeters are set they can be a source of healing and way to maintain emotionally healthy connections with people we love.
Ask and be clear:
None of us are mind readers and we must understand that we have to ask for what we want by communicating it clearly and honestly. We cannot expect to receive what we need or want by displays of anger or by withholding love. The best and most effective manner with which we can get others to understand our feelings is by sharing them and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. Most of us have thought like this: "he should know me by now and know what I need". The truth is that not one person really knows with complete accuracy what your needs, wants and feelings are. Only you know with certainty what your needs, wants and feelings are and sharing them with the ones you love is the only way to possibly get those needs met.
Listen closely:
A great listener understands that in being a great listener he or she will learn something. In relationships we often times forget to listen and before someone has finished their sentence we have an answer for them. The problem with this is that we become programmed to challenge the ones we love versus co-creating with them. We believe we have heard all that a person has to say and all that he or she thinks when in fact we never will. When we challenge ourselves to be attentive and listen we create a vessel for someone to express in ways we might not have heard before. When we say to someone, "I am willing to hear you" we gift them and it gives us a chance to hear their feelings and to open ourselves up to helping to heal what is our part to heal. It is when we do not listen to someone over years of time that we often times manifest a crisis in any relationship, especially those close to us.
Do your best:
The last yet not the least important is to do your best every day and every time in relationship. Always be willing to do your part and to communicate with those you love. Become vulnerable and know that being humble will bring about love and compassion and hope. Show up for those you love but also make sure to show up for yourself. Do your best to be in your highest vibration so that you can share that with others. Do the self-work that you need to do in order to show up as your best self., whether that means getting counseling, exercising or praying. We can only do our best if we are living our best life.
Comments? Please feel free to share your views at the bottom of each blog. If you have an idea or even a question I read every comment and would consider an idea for a future blog, sometimes evolving from a simple question.
In Light and Joy, Coach Elliott
Comments
Post a Comment