Merry Go Round Relationship
We all know people who strugglle back and forth in a relationship. I call it a merry go round relationship. More recently I met a woman who has been with a man for about a year and nothing has come of it. In fact, she has broken it off at least ten times in this short period of time. The odd thing about it is that she is a beautiful sexy blond who is a Latina. She dresses beautifully and has a great job and home. Yet she goes back to him over and over again in spite of her own admission that the relationship is going nowhere and that he is a flirt. In fact he has hit on women in her social circle repeatedly. She is back with him currently and yet it seems as though the bottom will drop soon and the same pattern will be repeated.
When women are in a "merry-go-round relationship with a man, he eventually believes that he can have her back whenever he wants and when he is sure that no other woman will play with him. Women who continue to forgive their wandering boyfriends or husbands have a low self-esteem and believe that they don't deserve something better, a real and honest man. Women who stay on the merry go round over and over despite what the man does is going to be on that ride for a long long time. In fact, she can look froward to being on this up and down ride for as long as she permits a man to disrespect her.
I am shocked at how long merry go round relationships last, sometimes for ten years or more. For many of the wrong reasons people stay in these relationships for a very long period and it seems that the longer they stay the more they feel trapped. After all now there are children, a mortgage, car payments and joint accounts. The further meshed the woman is to the man the more she feels she must stay. A woman I will call Michelle has been married over 25 years. Her husband makes a great salary and their children are now adults. There is little intimacy in the relationship and she often times becomes frustrated with the marriage and feels as though what is missing is only one of the elements of love. Still it comes up over and again giving her a feeling of loss and frustration. What it looks like is that she will stay in the marriage even if her need for intimacy is never met. Like many women she is accepting this as a part of the losses believing that there is more good than bad. I think she is terrified of the idea of being alone and that her husband will never change or at least it is highly unlikely that he will.
Many of us are in relationships that are not stable. Sometimes it feels like we are not loved at all or that we are carrying most of the responsibilities of the relationship. The truth is that the longer we stay the harder it is to see ourselves in a joyous life with someone else or alone. When we continue to think that there is nothing better then it will not get any better. Life can be awesome single and there are many older women who are single and very happy. When we stay in a loveless relationship we say no to our right to be happy with or without someone else. Settling for what we get really wears on our self-esteem and our own right to have a life that expresses what we deserve.
When women are in a "merry-go-round relationship with a man, he eventually believes that he can have her back whenever he wants and when he is sure that no other woman will play with him. Women who continue to forgive their wandering boyfriends or husbands have a low self-esteem and believe that they don't deserve something better, a real and honest man. Women who stay on the merry go round over and over despite what the man does is going to be on that ride for a long long time. In fact, she can look froward to being on this up and down ride for as long as she permits a man to disrespect her.
I am shocked at how long merry go round relationships last, sometimes for ten years or more. For many of the wrong reasons people stay in these relationships for a very long period and it seems that the longer they stay the more they feel trapped. After all now there are children, a mortgage, car payments and joint accounts. The further meshed the woman is to the man the more she feels she must stay. A woman I will call Michelle has been married over 25 years. Her husband makes a great salary and their children are now adults. There is little intimacy in the relationship and she often times becomes frustrated with the marriage and feels as though what is missing is only one of the elements of love. Still it comes up over and again giving her a feeling of loss and frustration. What it looks like is that she will stay in the marriage even if her need for intimacy is never met. Like many women she is accepting this as a part of the losses believing that there is more good than bad. I think she is terrified of the idea of being alone and that her husband will never change or at least it is highly unlikely that he will.
Many of us are in relationships that are not stable. Sometimes it feels like we are not loved at all or that we are carrying most of the responsibilities of the relationship. The truth is that the longer we stay the harder it is to see ourselves in a joyous life with someone else or alone. When we continue to think that there is nothing better then it will not get any better. Life can be awesome single and there are many older women who are single and very happy. When we stay in a loveless relationship we say no to our right to be happy with or without someone else. Settling for what we get really wears on our self-esteem and our own right to have a life that expresses what we deserve.
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