Self-Pity Kills
I would like to extend this idea that self-pity kills and that the way it kills is much like stabbing ourselves with a knife and then wondering why we bleed. Self-pity is a sure way to self destruct and to ensure that we are in our own form of a prison, rendering us disfunctional or more accurately not able to function and show up for ourselves or others or situations. Self-pity loves darkness and darkness is like a demonizing force that we invite to our lives by feeling sorry for ourselves.
I was talking to a 95 year old woman today and I talked a little about my former relationship and how his or her idea of advice was a "suck it up" approach as I call it. It may be that there were times wheen I was inviting this reaction because I was feeling so dam sorry for me but I want to say that this is a cruel and unkind way to address someone who is already down on themselves. Nothing helps less than to actually make the person feel worse about their own sadness or their own perception of themselves. This woman of 95 shared that it was sad that I had someone in my life who instead of loving me back to health actually made me feel like a bad person or less than strong. Instead of loving me he or she called me a "victim". I then said to her that I was glad to have this person in my life because what happened for me was that I learned where I should be and that was with Elliott one hundred percent and not have an expectation of someone loving me more than I loved me. Self pity almost killed me and the additional abuse almost finished me off but I rose up from it and I stand here breathing and knowing more clearly that Elliott needs to love Elliott.
I know I have said that self-love is not all it is cranked up to be and I still think that when we are so focused on ourselves all the time it is useless and becomes a selfish escape. Yet a certain amount of self-love is needed for us to survive the abuse and the hard times in life. Self love happens to be something we have to know how much we need of it. We can and we do need it just not all the time and just not every time in every situation. Yet when we are in a place of need and there is no compassion coming our way we are left with that self love and with one entity to love us: God. I am a believer and so God is the entity I turn to. I am not ashamed to say that and the lack of compassion from someone else is a good reason to have it for yourself.
Now that there is a balance between self pity and resentment and anger let us all become more of the person we are and deserve to be. Let us all have those boundaries neccessary by letting others know that it's not OK not to be compassionate while being compassionate to ourselves.
I was talking to a 95 year old woman today and I talked a little about my former relationship and how his or her idea of advice was a "suck it up" approach as I call it. It may be that there were times wheen I was inviting this reaction because I was feeling so dam sorry for me but I want to say that this is a cruel and unkind way to address someone who is already down on themselves. Nothing helps less than to actually make the person feel worse about their own sadness or their own perception of themselves. This woman of 95 shared that it was sad that I had someone in my life who instead of loving me back to health actually made me feel like a bad person or less than strong. Instead of loving me he or she called me a "victim". I then said to her that I was glad to have this person in my life because what happened for me was that I learned where I should be and that was with Elliott one hundred percent and not have an expectation of someone loving me more than I loved me. Self pity almost killed me and the additional abuse almost finished me off but I rose up from it and I stand here breathing and knowing more clearly that Elliott needs to love Elliott.
I know I have said that self-love is not all it is cranked up to be and I still think that when we are so focused on ourselves all the time it is useless and becomes a selfish escape. Yet a certain amount of self-love is needed for us to survive the abuse and the hard times in life. Self love happens to be something we have to know how much we need of it. We can and we do need it just not all the time and just not every time in every situation. Yet when we are in a place of need and there is no compassion coming our way we are left with that self love and with one entity to love us: God. I am a believer and so God is the entity I turn to. I am not ashamed to say that and the lack of compassion from someone else is a good reason to have it for yourself.
Now that there is a balance between self pity and resentment and anger let us all become more of the person we are and deserve to be. Let us all have those boundaries neccessary by letting others know that it's not OK not to be compassionate while being compassionate to ourselves.
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