Little Lost Angel

I remember the birth of my first kid and being told at one point that my then wife was "in fetal distress".  I heard the words but I could not comprehend what that meant, but it did not sound like a good thing.  I was immediately worried and my wife at the time looked at me with a stressed facial expression as if to ask what we should do.  The doctor immediately suggested that she have a C section birth and it only took seconds for me to say yes.  It was not until after our daughter was born that I was told what "fetal distress meant" and in this case it meant that the cord was wrapped around her neck thereby making it difficult and maybe impossble to breathe freely.  I was scared and as we entered the operating room I prayed that our child would be born alive.  After witnessing her birth and taking off my scrubs I insisted on seeing my wife and then we both agreed that I should to see the baby.  I no sooner hugged her when I went to the birthing room to see her.  Inside an incubator I looked at her and could see she was not just alive but absolutely beautiful with lots of dark hair on her head.  I cried immediately and thanked god for the fact that she was alive.  When we got her home in the next couple of days her crib awating her we layed here inside and again I cried.  I even got up in the middle of the night to check on her and  shed more tears of joy.  I could not imagine losing her but I worried about it like I am sure some parents do.  I counted every finger and every toe and to my relief she was completely normal.  Every day I thanked God for her health and that she'd made it through fetal distress.

Recently a good friend of mine who I consider like a sister had a three month old baby in her family die.  It was her nephews baby and he was as cute as a button.  It was hard to look at the picture of his little angelic face knowing he was gone.  I felt so hurt for his parents and offered to pray for them and talk to them if they needed someone to share their feelings with.  My paternal side felt so hurt for his father who is Latino and who had this boy who would carry his name.  We like many dads feel a sense of pride having a boy who will continue to carry the family name.  I will add that I am reaally glad that I have two daughters but at the same time I could understand a father wanting to have a son.  The sadness just overcame me and I shed some tears of sorrow for his dad and for his mom.  Like Iyanla said the last time I saw her on her show I fight with feeling more attached to my emotions than the people who are experiencing the loss or the issue.  I want so badly for the parents to process this terrible loss but the fact remains that many of us just stuff them away in a box and tape it shut.  We believe we cannot deal with such a deep loss but the truth is that we can and we should.

I am unsure as to whay a little baby of three months would pass away and leave his parents wondering what happened.  One day he was in their lives and then the next it seems he was not.  It must be a hard thing to swallow and grieving must be overwhelming.  Yet somehow they will get rhough this hard time as they have others.  It will take time but most of all it takes courage and the willingness to express the pain so that one can heal.  Not everyone has lost a little baby but many have lost a child and losing a child at any age seems abnormal to most.  I think about it and pray that I will pass before my children and grandchildren, but I know I have no control over matters of life and death.  I thank god my grandchildren are with me and that I can tickle the five year old and spend moments of joy with them.  I feel so blessed to have what I have and situations that happen to others bring us to that place of gratitude.  I pray for those parents who lost their little baby and are likely confused and upset about it.  I am so happy to be alive.  I am so happy to have a family that is healthy and I am so elated that no mattere my own health that I am here and alive and enjoyng life.