Marriage 3
As I continue to discuss my own experience with marriage I continue to share the exprience with the woman that I was married to. This was for me one of the most sacred of love I have experienced and within that connection to a woman I realized a feminine energy that embraced me. A goddess energy that has a power that felt nurturing in a natural and organic manner. Even before I was married I recall looking at this energy in women like my grandmother and my great grandmother. I saw something distinctly different about women, even in the simply acts like the way they smiled or the manner in which they walked and dressed. I admired them never wanting to be a woman which I think is another feeling that perhaps some gay men have. I never did. I saw and I see women in their uniqueness and I have often felt their energy of compassion and honesty of heart. I have always felt them coming to me with their heart whereas with men I did not feel the same feelings. In fact I still don't feel the same feeling from most men with the exception of a couple of them. I see men hiding their feelings and almost fighting against their hearts making attempts at what seems to be self-esteem.
My little joke is when I say to God someting like this: "Is this a joke or something that love and get along so well with woman and I am gay?. I give myself the space to see this lightly and as something of a jest. I see how much Iove all the women in my life and want to be with them and then this solely physical attraction to most men. I hope this does not hurt any man's feelings and I want to truly aplogize if it sounds like bashing but the truth is that my energy follows the female heart more than the male one. For me there has been a repeated proof that women are more aligned with loyalty, compasison, giving, love, honesty, sensitivity and motivation. I keep seeing it in my everyday life how women open their hearts even in a store when they see you with one item and they ask you to go ahead of them, giving up their turn to gift it to you. I do want to say that I think men are beginning to catch up and know more about the nature of life and love and how to spread it.
Today after having been with a woman and then a man I can say that it is completely different. It is a different experience and I think it is attributed to gender. I do feel like the feminine energy is more aligned with balance in relaitonship. That they are more willing to collaborate rather than to be in competition. More willing to give rather than to take and tally what they get and give as if keeping score. Today I see men transforming a little more but we have a long long way to go and that is the opening for me to discuss my experience with a male marriage versus the one with a woman, even though there should be equal rights and equal opportunity to be in a loving relationship or marriage which unfortunately we are being denied.
more later...
My little joke is when I say to God someting like this: "Is this a joke or something that love and get along so well with woman and I am gay?. I give myself the space to see this lightly and as something of a jest. I see how much Iove all the women in my life and want to be with them and then this solely physical attraction to most men. I hope this does not hurt any man's feelings and I want to truly aplogize if it sounds like bashing but the truth is that my energy follows the female heart more than the male one. For me there has been a repeated proof that women are more aligned with loyalty, compasison, giving, love, honesty, sensitivity and motivation. I keep seeing it in my everyday life how women open their hearts even in a store when they see you with one item and they ask you to go ahead of them, giving up their turn to gift it to you. I do want to say that I think men are beginning to catch up and know more about the nature of life and love and how to spread it.
Today after having been with a woman and then a man I can say that it is completely different. It is a different experience and I think it is attributed to gender. I do feel like the feminine energy is more aligned with balance in relaitonship. That they are more willing to collaborate rather than to be in competition. More willing to give rather than to take and tally what they get and give as if keeping score. Today I see men transforming a little more but we have a long long way to go and that is the opening for me to discuss my experience with a male marriage versus the one with a woman, even though there should be equal rights and equal opportunity to be in a loving relationship or marriage which unfortunately we are being denied.
more later...
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