My Little Update
I feel like some of you read my blog to get some idea as to what is going on with me. In fact some of you have shared that fact with me and so I continue to inject updates in my blogs about me and my health opportunity. As you know I try to use the words health opportunity versus cancer because for me it feels more like the truth. There is the fact that I have cancer or at least this is what is reported to me and then there is the truth. The truth is that I have a health opportunity and that means more to me than this idea that I have a desease that cannot be healed.
I recently found out that my cancer has spread to my lungs. Although I feel pretty good considering everything I am starting to cough in the middle of he night and wake myself up in the last couple of days. I have done everything possible to maintain a positive attitude and to continue to pray for my health and hold the intention that I will be healed. Some days I am very up and others I am not so uplifted. I find that when I get around any negative energy I get sucked in unless I become purposeful about what I am willing to be exposed to.
On November 24 I am going to have a PET scan which I understand to be a complete scan of my body including drinking the lovely milk shake like solution and being shot up with the dye. I have mixed feelings about doing this and actually requested that the doctors wait and do this prior to starting any chemo treatments. It has alread been explaind to me that this chemo therapy is different from anything I have had thus far, stronger and more potent. The head nurse for the oncologist has indicated that one of the reactions to the therapy is a rash of the skin in areas of the body and possibly on my face. In addition, I have been told there is no cure for this type of cancer that has spread from the original area that was cut out. I am honestly uncertain as to whether I will go through with the treatments. I simply don't feel like I have enought information to make a decision here and now so for now it will be the body scan and then waiting to decide what is next.
I like to believe that god performs miracles and I am sure that I am worthy of a miracle just as much as anyone else. I feel like placing my intention in my nine step prayer that is more focused on health and well being I can manifest great health in collaboration with God and Goddess. I have a belief that we can create an outcome in our life that we desire by believing we can and focusing on that goal. My request of others is that they see me in perfect health as if I am already being healed picturing every cell in my body as a healthy cell needed to become that healthy and whole man that I am meant to be.
I understand that faith is my hardest things to do, to believe in God and in myself. I want to know that without any doubt god is already on the case and addressing my needs, every part of me, every portion of my being. I know that God is going to care for me and that the outcome is as he deems it to be. In the end I release and let go just like all of you have released my health and become silent and in reverence for me by praying and meditating.
I am not alone on this journey as some of you know. My sisters are on a similar journey and both are getting treatments of some sort one doing better than the other. I feel like nothing happened by mistake when I attended a party where one of them attended and told me of her cancer. Not much later she had a heart attack in the streets of Paris and if not for one woman's actions she could have stayed on that ground too long and perhaps not been with us. As spirit would have it she did get the attention of one person who realized something was terribly wrong. As she and my other goddess amiga struggle I think about our universal struggle with the C word. I think about how many thousands of men are struggling with the same thing I am struggling with and all the other women like my two friends that are fighting to live.
I live for this moment and this day. One day at a time is for real in my life. Tomorrow a lunch date with a friend I have not seen in a long long time. I feel divided inside about going to lunch and how I will behave in this situation with a person about my health and what is really going on inside of me. I am unsure as to the way I will attend a wedding on Saturday with another friend and really show up for her and the people who are getting married. The difference today is that I give myself permission to show up or not show up depending on how I am feeling both physically and emotionally. In each instance I will get through it no matter what.
I recently found out that my cancer has spread to my lungs. Although I feel pretty good considering everything I am starting to cough in the middle of he night and wake myself up in the last couple of days. I have done everything possible to maintain a positive attitude and to continue to pray for my health and hold the intention that I will be healed. Some days I am very up and others I am not so uplifted. I find that when I get around any negative energy I get sucked in unless I become purposeful about what I am willing to be exposed to.
On November 24 I am going to have a PET scan which I understand to be a complete scan of my body including drinking the lovely milk shake like solution and being shot up with the dye. I have mixed feelings about doing this and actually requested that the doctors wait and do this prior to starting any chemo treatments. It has alread been explaind to me that this chemo therapy is different from anything I have had thus far, stronger and more potent. The head nurse for the oncologist has indicated that one of the reactions to the therapy is a rash of the skin in areas of the body and possibly on my face. In addition, I have been told there is no cure for this type of cancer that has spread from the original area that was cut out. I am honestly uncertain as to whether I will go through with the treatments. I simply don't feel like I have enought information to make a decision here and now so for now it will be the body scan and then waiting to decide what is next.
I like to believe that god performs miracles and I am sure that I am worthy of a miracle just as much as anyone else. I feel like placing my intention in my nine step prayer that is more focused on health and well being I can manifest great health in collaboration with God and Goddess. I have a belief that we can create an outcome in our life that we desire by believing we can and focusing on that goal. My request of others is that they see me in perfect health as if I am already being healed picturing every cell in my body as a healthy cell needed to become that healthy and whole man that I am meant to be.
I understand that faith is my hardest things to do, to believe in God and in myself. I want to know that without any doubt god is already on the case and addressing my needs, every part of me, every portion of my being. I know that God is going to care for me and that the outcome is as he deems it to be. In the end I release and let go just like all of you have released my health and become silent and in reverence for me by praying and meditating.
I am not alone on this journey as some of you know. My sisters are on a similar journey and both are getting treatments of some sort one doing better than the other. I feel like nothing happened by mistake when I attended a party where one of them attended and told me of her cancer. Not much later she had a heart attack in the streets of Paris and if not for one woman's actions she could have stayed on that ground too long and perhaps not been with us. As spirit would have it she did get the attention of one person who realized something was terribly wrong. As she and my other goddess amiga struggle I think about our universal struggle with the C word. I think about how many thousands of men are struggling with the same thing I am struggling with and all the other women like my two friends that are fighting to live.
I live for this moment and this day. One day at a time is for real in my life. Tomorrow a lunch date with a friend I have not seen in a long long time. I feel divided inside about going to lunch and how I will behave in this situation with a person about my health and what is really going on inside of me. I am unsure as to the way I will attend a wedding on Saturday with another friend and really show up for her and the people who are getting married. The difference today is that I give myself permission to show up or not show up depending on how I am feeling both physically and emotionally. In each instance I will get through it no matter what.
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