You Can't Change Others Unless...
"You can't change anyone else, only your reaction to them"
This was a quote that started me thinking this fine Saturday morning. For some of us this is a profound statement that we need to hear more than once in our life. We try so very hard to change others yet the only thing that we have conrol of is how we react to them and to their behaviors. Like many of you I tried to change people who were not capable of change nor were they in the least bit interested in changing. In fact they thought that they were perfectly fine just the way they were even if they were insular or unfeeling or even rude. It was my opinion that a change in their behavior would be in their highest good especially when the behaviors were hurtful to others or to me. I believed it but that was not enough nor did it matter one bit. When people don't feel they need to change their way of being others cannot give them the light they may very well need.
In intimate realtionship whether friendship or partnership we tend to take what that person does personally when in fact if we would not take it personal we would live a much lighter and more loving life. We would be much happier because instead of trying to change him or her we would be more focused on changin our own life circumstances. For some this may require a seperation or divorce. At times when we should have walked away we instead spent a lot of time trying to change another person, wasting valuable time. It is that reaslization that we cannot change anyone that propels us to a place where we look at ourselves and do what needs to be done for our highest good an for our best self to come forward.
I love myself more now that I spent so much time trying to change a person who did not want to change and trying to do for that person what he or she would not do for themselves. Trying to get that person to understand the importance of a home or the value of beautiful exotic music or the beauty of a white orchid. It was me trying to change someone that was not willing to change nor willing to see that there is a world beyond the end of his or her body. I love myself more now because I realized that the only person I can change is me and so I proceeded to do so. Now my life is about transforming myself and no one else unless they are willing to create a change for their good, something they see as valuable for them.
There are plenty of people in my circle who see the value of my training as a spiritual leader and who come to my table asking quesitons and willing to look inside. These are the people I collaborate with and use my gifts with. The ones that see life as ever changing and the ones that know that life is never completed but rather a journey all the way to the last breath.
It is true that we cannot change others but it is also true that we are here paired up with others who will bring something of value to the table of our life. We cannot be so pompous and think we know it all when in fact we don't. We all should be open to learning something along the way from those we encounter. If we are unwilling to do that then we miss a great opportunity to grow. We don't need to force the person who is willing to change and we don't need to push our values onto anyone else but we do need to be in awareness that we can benefit from another viewpoint and another way of thinking about life and love. When it is not others time t is best to allow ourselves the space to either accept them as they are or go in a direction that is more joyful for us.
This was a quote that started me thinking this fine Saturday morning. For some of us this is a profound statement that we need to hear more than once in our life. We try so very hard to change others yet the only thing that we have conrol of is how we react to them and to their behaviors. Like many of you I tried to change people who were not capable of change nor were they in the least bit interested in changing. In fact they thought that they were perfectly fine just the way they were even if they were insular or unfeeling or even rude. It was my opinion that a change in their behavior would be in their highest good especially when the behaviors were hurtful to others or to me. I believed it but that was not enough nor did it matter one bit. When people don't feel they need to change their way of being others cannot give them the light they may very well need.
In intimate realtionship whether friendship or partnership we tend to take what that person does personally when in fact if we would not take it personal we would live a much lighter and more loving life. We would be much happier because instead of trying to change him or her we would be more focused on changin our own life circumstances. For some this may require a seperation or divorce. At times when we should have walked away we instead spent a lot of time trying to change another person, wasting valuable time. It is that reaslization that we cannot change anyone that propels us to a place where we look at ourselves and do what needs to be done for our highest good an for our best self to come forward.
I love myself more now that I spent so much time trying to change a person who did not want to change and trying to do for that person what he or she would not do for themselves. Trying to get that person to understand the importance of a home or the value of beautiful exotic music or the beauty of a white orchid. It was me trying to change someone that was not willing to change nor willing to see that there is a world beyond the end of his or her body. I love myself more now because I realized that the only person I can change is me and so I proceeded to do so. Now my life is about transforming myself and no one else unless they are willing to create a change for their good, something they see as valuable for them.
There are plenty of people in my circle who see the value of my training as a spiritual leader and who come to my table asking quesitons and willing to look inside. These are the people I collaborate with and use my gifts with. The ones that see life as ever changing and the ones that know that life is never completed but rather a journey all the way to the last breath.
It is true that we cannot change others but it is also true that we are here paired up with others who will bring something of value to the table of our life. We cannot be so pompous and think we know it all when in fact we don't. We all should be open to learning something along the way from those we encounter. If we are unwilling to do that then we miss a great opportunity to grow. We don't need to force the person who is willing to change and we don't need to push our values onto anyone else but we do need to be in awareness that we can benefit from another viewpoint and another way of thinking about life and love. When it is not others time t is best to allow ourselves the space to either accept them as they are or go in a direction that is more joyful for us.
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