Shut The Hell Up
I have decided that I will talk a lot less and listen a lot more. The past few days have been a challenge for me and what I am observing in myself is that I cannot wait for someone to stop talking so that I can talk and that when there is empty space I try to fill it by talking way too much. Not only have I this goal for myself I also have seen it modeled back to me by others who talk constantly about everything.
We cannot listen well when we are preparing to one up the other person. It is like when the person talked about horses and then we elaborate about all the horse we have ridden, how we have always wanted a horse, how our grandfather had the most beautiful horse on his ranch, how we dreamt of a unicorn horse, how scared our cousin is o horses and how much hay costs to feed them. We don't just listen, we have to elaborate on everything and one up the person who is sharing information with us. It is a habit we can all look at and consider disposing of it.
Silence feels uncomfortable to a lot of us and we will fill it in with chatter. It does not matter whether it is relevant, interesting or helpful as long as we are talking. We don't like silence and it is as if silence is something bad when in fact it is normal and a part of being with others. Silence can be lovely and one of the things we can do during that time is to show others love by the way we look at them or by holding them quietly. We don't have to fill up every moment with words, especially when they are being used randomly and for not really good reason.
Some things are better left unsaid my brother told me more than once and although I am not always in agreement I think he has a very good point. When we say nothing we are leaving the universe to do what is neccessary without our intervention and without our "profound" opinions or ones we think are profound. Although it may be a bit vulgar I kind of like the saying: "opinions are like assholes, everybody had one". Sometimes keeping our opinion to ourselves is the best thing for us and for others while at other times thinking about what we should and should not share is a smart move.
I use to live with a person that I called a "know it all". She had something to say about everything and she knew more than any other person including me. She loved to make me wrong, especially in public. After a while I ran in the other direction realizing that she would not change any time soon and that as they say "you cannot teach an old dog new tricks". For her it was a habit to appear as though she knew better than others. When we do this to others we are rally sabotaging our connections and isolating others. No one wants to be made wrong in public or in private. Opening our mouths to make others wrong is likely one of the rudest things we could do. Better to keep our lips tightly shut.
Our tendency as human beings is to be competitive when in fact we should be much more collaborative, compassionate and loving. We cannot wait to one up others or to appear smarter. When we spend our lives competing we repel others and we then wonder why people don't want to be around us. Being the loud person at a party who gets attention does not truly get you the attention that is positive and genuine. Talkng louder than others in debate can only make others want to run from you. Communication is meant to flow and when we understand that listening more than we talk accesses more from others we can then communicate without competing in a way that is productive and kind.
We cannot listen well when we are preparing to one up the other person. It is like when the person talked about horses and then we elaborate about all the horse we have ridden, how we have always wanted a horse, how our grandfather had the most beautiful horse on his ranch, how we dreamt of a unicorn horse, how scared our cousin is o horses and how much hay costs to feed them. We don't just listen, we have to elaborate on everything and one up the person who is sharing information with us. It is a habit we can all look at and consider disposing of it.
Silence feels uncomfortable to a lot of us and we will fill it in with chatter. It does not matter whether it is relevant, interesting or helpful as long as we are talking. We don't like silence and it is as if silence is something bad when in fact it is normal and a part of being with others. Silence can be lovely and one of the things we can do during that time is to show others love by the way we look at them or by holding them quietly. We don't have to fill up every moment with words, especially when they are being used randomly and for not really good reason.
Some things are better left unsaid my brother told me more than once and although I am not always in agreement I think he has a very good point. When we say nothing we are leaving the universe to do what is neccessary without our intervention and without our "profound" opinions or ones we think are profound. Although it may be a bit vulgar I kind of like the saying: "opinions are like assholes, everybody had one". Sometimes keeping our opinion to ourselves is the best thing for us and for others while at other times thinking about what we should and should not share is a smart move.
I use to live with a person that I called a "know it all". She had something to say about everything and she knew more than any other person including me. She loved to make me wrong, especially in public. After a while I ran in the other direction realizing that she would not change any time soon and that as they say "you cannot teach an old dog new tricks". For her it was a habit to appear as though she knew better than others. When we do this to others we are rally sabotaging our connections and isolating others. No one wants to be made wrong in public or in private. Opening our mouths to make others wrong is likely one of the rudest things we could do. Better to keep our lips tightly shut.
Our tendency as human beings is to be competitive when in fact we should be much more collaborative, compassionate and loving. We cannot wait to one up others or to appear smarter. When we spend our lives competing we repel others and we then wonder why people don't want to be around us. Being the loud person at a party who gets attention does not truly get you the attention that is positive and genuine. Talkng louder than others in debate can only make others want to run from you. Communication is meant to flow and when we understand that listening more than we talk accesses more from others we can then communicate without competing in a way that is productive and kind.
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