Memorial To A Mother
Today my sister in law hosted a memorial "pot luck" for my mother. My two siblings and I were given the opportunity to share something about our mother and we did so with the dignity that we learned as children. In the middle of what I shared my brother blurted in a wining tone: "Frank, Frank, can you get that for me?", making fun of my mother when she asked for something that was immediately in front of her but not quite reaching distance. She simply did now want to move in order to reach whatever she was asking for. My sister then shared the hard times we went through with a mom who was not going to win the "mother of the year" award, including the times we got smacked around. The theme of how difficult it was to deal with her kept rising up until her great granddaughter spoke so fondly of her saying: "I did not see that other side of her". It was her reality and certainly it was truth personified. At the very core of the speeches was forgiveness and how each of us forgave her for not winning any awards and for the anger we endured at times.
I must say that I learned a lot from my mother: a sense of style, how to keep a home clean and beautiful, to have pride in my appearance and the ability to laugh at life. My mother was a woman who could laugh at life and who in spite of all that she went through she could manage to laugh about life. My sister agreed that there were many things we learned of value. We all survived the crazy moments and each of us has scars and badges of honor. Even giving her nicknames: Tallula, Joan Crawford, Betty Davis was a memory to recall and in that moment laugh about it. In the end she was a mother who did the best she knew how to do with the tools that she had. For this reason I was able to forgive her and move on.
My sister and I have had therapy and that is putting it mildly. Each of us believed that there was a reason to seek professional help and to get the support we needed in order to heal. Each of us have at one time or another had times when we simply knew that we may not be able to do life on our own. Both of us are not ashamed of it and I think both of us became better people because we did get the help we needed when we needed it. No apologies to anyone. After all there is nothing wrong with therapy when you think about the alternative which is you go crazy and then you no longer need therapy. That is my saying by the way and of course it sounds good when you think of all the people who have committed horrible crimes because they never got the help they needed.
My mom was a meticulous woman who kept her home immaculately. My mom was a stylish woman who dressed and looked beautiful all the time. She cooked well and held jobs that many people with more education could not achieve. She was not formally educated yet she was articulate and witty. She was a person who worked hard and enjoyed life by traveling and seeing the world. She loved to entertain and put a lot of effort into decorating her home for a party. She had a lot of pride and almost always was a lady. She raised us with the help of her parents and in spite of my dad leaving us when we were very young. She never apologized for making mistakes and she was a hard core disciplinarian. She believed in God and towards the end of her life was very open about her beliefs. She listened to me when I was frustrated and upset and she did her very best in the end to be the best mom she could be despite the past mistakes.
I hope my mom forgave herself. I held her hand when she was taking her journey and I told her she could go without quilt and without worrying about us. I asked her if she wanted to be kept sedated with pain medication and she nodded yes. I told her that I loved her and rubbed her feet and the hand that was not paralyzed. She squeezed my hand and I could feel her telling me she loved me. No words were exchanged and it did not matter because she understood me and I her. I am complete because I know that I held no anger towards her for any reason. She has taken her journey and wherever she goes she will live in the hearts of many who cared about her. It is not the image of her body when she passed that I have in my mind, it is the picture of her in the embroidered strapless dress many years ago perfectly quaffed that I will always remember and the vulnerability of her heart in the end.
Rest in Peace my Beloved Mother: Elizabeth Gonzalez Collazo
Elliott Maximo Collazo
I must say that I learned a lot from my mother: a sense of style, how to keep a home clean and beautiful, to have pride in my appearance and the ability to laugh at life. My mother was a woman who could laugh at life and who in spite of all that she went through she could manage to laugh about life. My sister agreed that there were many things we learned of value. We all survived the crazy moments and each of us has scars and badges of honor. Even giving her nicknames: Tallula, Joan Crawford, Betty Davis was a memory to recall and in that moment laugh about it. In the end she was a mother who did the best she knew how to do with the tools that she had. For this reason I was able to forgive her and move on.
My sister and I have had therapy and that is putting it mildly. Each of us believed that there was a reason to seek professional help and to get the support we needed in order to heal. Each of us have at one time or another had times when we simply knew that we may not be able to do life on our own. Both of us are not ashamed of it and I think both of us became better people because we did get the help we needed when we needed it. No apologies to anyone. After all there is nothing wrong with therapy when you think about the alternative which is you go crazy and then you no longer need therapy. That is my saying by the way and of course it sounds good when you think of all the people who have committed horrible crimes because they never got the help they needed.
My mom was a meticulous woman who kept her home immaculately. My mom was a stylish woman who dressed and looked beautiful all the time. She cooked well and held jobs that many people with more education could not achieve. She was not formally educated yet she was articulate and witty. She was a person who worked hard and enjoyed life by traveling and seeing the world. She loved to entertain and put a lot of effort into decorating her home for a party. She had a lot of pride and almost always was a lady. She raised us with the help of her parents and in spite of my dad leaving us when we were very young. She never apologized for making mistakes and she was a hard core disciplinarian. She believed in God and towards the end of her life was very open about her beliefs. She listened to me when I was frustrated and upset and she did her very best in the end to be the best mom she could be despite the past mistakes.
I hope my mom forgave herself. I held her hand when she was taking her journey and I told her she could go without quilt and without worrying about us. I asked her if she wanted to be kept sedated with pain medication and she nodded yes. I told her that I loved her and rubbed her feet and the hand that was not paralyzed. She squeezed my hand and I could feel her telling me she loved me. No words were exchanged and it did not matter because she understood me and I her. I am complete because I know that I held no anger towards her for any reason. She has taken her journey and wherever she goes she will live in the hearts of many who cared about her. It is not the image of her body when she passed that I have in my mind, it is the picture of her in the embroidered strapless dress many years ago perfectly quaffed that I will always remember and the vulnerability of her heart in the end.
Rest in Peace my Beloved Mother: Elizabeth Gonzalez Collazo
Elliott Maximo Collazo
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