Coach Elliott

I have uncovered my new normal and just when I thought I was there I have been told that there are cancerous growths on my body parts that may be in need of radiation.  My life has turned into a new step and a new exercise in faith and in strength and god.  I keep thinking that god won't administer another test if I cannot bear it yet I cannot help but to feel just a little sorry for my ass.  Literally and figuratively.  Just when I started to stop my crying episodes god is asking me to clean the bathroom, let the painters in and run the boxes of stuff to the basement where I don't have to look at it if not just for now.  Under the floor in our family room are boxes of decorations for holidays for my granddaughters parties and a Christmas tree that is not tall enough for a twenty story ceiling in our home where the tree will likely reside this year. What you may ask is keeping me breathing and in action?  Well, if I were to jump out of our two story ...

Sometimes like many of us I forget how fortunate I am to have what I have, live where I live and be with the man I am with.  It is so easy to complain about the flaws of each and every person, most of which are flaws we have ourselves and it takes a bad day to figure out just how fortunate we are.  I think today was one of those beloved days where I finally looked back at my bank of complaints and realized how silly they all are.  As god would have it I actually had a conversation with a friend and began to complain about how my husband does not care as much as I do about this and that to which she asked me: "I don't know why you are married to him, why are you married to him"?  At this moment I acknowledged that I had given her the wrong impression and proceeded to correct myself listing all the  wonderful character traits my husband has blessed me with like: honestly, loyalty, financial stability, kindness, compassion, humor and the like.  It was at that ...

I had every intention not to cry today even though I knew my daughter, her husband and the kids were leaving home after they'd stayed overnight, spending all of Saturday and Sunday with me and my partner.  As I gathered her things in the guest bedroom and placed them in her bag I could already feel a sense of loss.  Yesterday we'd taken a tour of the homes in our community and she and her husband loved one of the models that started at one hundred a sixty thousand, reasonable for them and likely a doable price tag.  Still they need to think on it as it is forty five minutes from the city and both her and her husband work in the city not too far from where they live.  I of course along with Cary hold a little light of excitement at the thought of them moving close to us, possibly walking distance from our home.  This community has a lot to offer because it is after all a resort community that comes with a community center with a pool, workout facility, confe...

Yesterday a friend was scheduled to come and visit me and stay overnight.  He was to arrive at 1pm and the plan was that he would stay overnight in our lovely guest room.  As usual I prepared for my guest by making sure the bed was made perfectly and the towels were on the bed with a satin ribbon tied around them.  I even made sure there was a magazine and a movie on the desk in the room and placed three battery operated candles on the window.  I lit the room with the floor lamp in the corner by the bed creating the most inviting and peaceful tone possible.  As some of you may have already guessed, my friend did not show up.  In fact there was no call from him and eventually at 4:30 in the evening he sent me an email apologizing for not being able to come sighting some drama in his life with his partner that included him taking his car and "breaking his phone".  My dark side doubted his explanation as it sounded like something one would possi...

Today I woke up feeling very heavy.  I had eaten some ice cream late at night and it gave me some major bloating.  The pain had me bent over and it took a good thirty minutes for me to get from waking up to awaking.  Still I feel happy that I am feeling the pain and feeling the feelings both emotionally and physically.  I look at it from a different lense now.  Every new  day is a chance to activate some joy and live with more intention and more purpose. My question is: What is my purpose today?  What can I do with intention and what is the intention?  My response is: Today my purpose is to clean myself up the best I and lift myself up a level by caring for my new body.  I can breath with intention and I can

Today is my first day alone without Marina who was taking care of me and our home.  I admit that I got up thinking she was in the next room not facing the fact that she is not here.  She ended her stay with me because of things she needed to do and even though I feel relatively independent I still miss her and feel like one more week would have been perfect.  Yet I know it is time for me to go it alone while my husband works for the next two days and stays in the city with friends.  It is snowing like mad outside and the sight of it is beautiful.  I am so glad that I don't have to go out in this weather.  The challenge for me now is eating right and taking care of myself after over three weeks of someone else caring so lovingly for me and helping me to regroup. Today I have made myself eggs and toast for breakfast, then a cold chicken sandwich and for dinner I am still debating because there is a girl friend coming by that said she'd make some home made s...

I wish I could say that everything is fine now or that all is well.  I wish I were over the hurtles and the pain and I could report to everyone that I am physically healed.  It feels like I am on hold and that people who love me are on hold with me.  It sometimes feels like I am burdening them and yet I know that their love comes without a price tag or any sort of expectations or limits.  Their love, like the love of my pastor who visited with me this afternoon seems limitless.  It gets me to realize that there are no restrictions to love and compassion and that these are all people who god has blessed me with.  Today when I was to be completely alone and my care giver and friend was not to be here, my husband at work, my pastor takes the time to visit me.  I think I must have shared everything there is to know about me with him and he in turn listened with a look of interest and responded with affirmation and love.  I guess that is why he is a pa...