Taking Care of Me
Today is my first day alone without Marina who was taking care of me and our home. I admit that I got up thinking she was in the next room not facing the fact that she is not here. She ended her stay with me because of things she needed to do and even though I feel relatively independent I still miss her and feel like one more week would have been perfect. Yet I know it is time for me to go it alone while my husband works for the next two days and stays in the city with friends. It is snowing like mad outside and the sight of it is beautiful. I am so glad that I don't have to go out in this weather. The challenge for me now is eating right and taking care of myself after over three weeks of someone else caring so lovingly for me and helping me to regroup.
Today I have made myself eggs and toast for breakfast, then a cold chicken sandwich and for dinner I am still debating because there is a girl friend coming by that said she'd make some home made soup. If not I am still very good at ordering food for delivery. I so hope she and her boyfriend will get here OK with all this snow fall.
As I ponder this whole idea of taking care of Elliott I see more light when I think about the fact that I don't have a JOB to go to nor do I have to be concerned about money. I also look out the window at the white blanket of snow over the horizon and I am grateful that I can enjoy it from afar and I don't have to go out in it. I am grateful that I am in a lot less pain today and that I seem to be healing each day without any more incidents. I am grateful for the warm blanket that I will use in a few to watch Netflix and that our sofas are so plush and comfy. Every day now it comes down to being happy for what I have and not focusing on what I don't have. It may be that I am not in tip top shape physically and emotionally but each day is better and there are so many things to be joyous about and elated for having in my life.
It isn't easy to take care of ourselves. We would all like it if someone else took care of us more often and that things like breakfast would simply be on the table. When one is ill you end up in a position of having to make an extra effort at loving yourself and making sure you eat right and drink lots of water. Not only do you have to learn to do for yourself while addressing your emotional issues, you have to be grateful for it all. There will be ups and downs. I have taken a roller coaster ride let me just be honest and say that. There are times when I say: "I hate my life" a line that stuck with me from the movie Beaches when the character's mother was so overbearing and she was passed over at her audition. The little red headed girl that plays the lead role has grown up to fast and much is expected of her but later she proves to herself that not only can she show up for herself she can show up for her childhood friend who now has cancer. In the end there are tears and her friend dies leaving her in custody of her daughter who is about 7 years old. In spite of the fact that she is a singer and has a crazy life she accepts responsibility for that little innocent girl and does it in service to her love for her and her mother. Just when I think that I cannot take responsibility for my life I will likely come full circle and be able to do my coaching, mentoring, spiritual work with others whom goddess will select for me.
My intention is to have more women's workshops and to have our annual retreat for the women who have been involved over the years. To serve my clients both current and new. It feels like God still has a plan for me and I intend to follow it. It is likely not going to be easy or so I seem to feel in my bones. I know that this next step is just the next one and all that is required of me is to take it. I am sometimes hesitant and sometimes I wonder why but in the end I know I have to take the step or simply not take the step and give up. The last option just doesn't seem like the right one for me.
What is in this for you? I am never sure to be honest with all of you. What I do want to share is that taking care of yourself is imperative and that loving what you have is important. Seeing your life as a glass that is almost full rather than almost empty is going to take us further along in life. Asking for guidance around our path and purpose is essential. Knowing that "this too shall pass" will get us over the hump of now and get us to the next place where we are not victims but rather we are heroes. Knowing what boundaries to set and what priorities to look at in our life is what will create a strong balance between self-love and loving others. Asking ourselves what is truly important and what is truly showing up for us now. Letting the snow fall and being OK with looking out the window and enjoying it's beauty without needing to be in it, being accepting of the fact that you cannot do that yet. Looking up at your two story living area and seeing God looking in. Thanking yourself for being kind to yourself and for loving yourself enough to sit quietly and pray.
Today I have made myself eggs and toast for breakfast, then a cold chicken sandwich and for dinner I am still debating because there is a girl friend coming by that said she'd make some home made soup. If not I am still very good at ordering food for delivery. I so hope she and her boyfriend will get here OK with all this snow fall.
As I ponder this whole idea of taking care of Elliott I see more light when I think about the fact that I don't have a JOB to go to nor do I have to be concerned about money. I also look out the window at the white blanket of snow over the horizon and I am grateful that I can enjoy it from afar and I don't have to go out in it. I am grateful that I am in a lot less pain today and that I seem to be healing each day without any more incidents. I am grateful for the warm blanket that I will use in a few to watch Netflix and that our sofas are so plush and comfy. Every day now it comes down to being happy for what I have and not focusing on what I don't have. It may be that I am not in tip top shape physically and emotionally but each day is better and there are so many things to be joyous about and elated for having in my life.
It isn't easy to take care of ourselves. We would all like it if someone else took care of us more often and that things like breakfast would simply be on the table. When one is ill you end up in a position of having to make an extra effort at loving yourself and making sure you eat right and drink lots of water. Not only do you have to learn to do for yourself while addressing your emotional issues, you have to be grateful for it all. There will be ups and downs. I have taken a roller coaster ride let me just be honest and say that. There are times when I say: "I hate my life" a line that stuck with me from the movie Beaches when the character's mother was so overbearing and she was passed over at her audition. The little red headed girl that plays the lead role has grown up to fast and much is expected of her but later she proves to herself that not only can she show up for herself she can show up for her childhood friend who now has cancer. In the end there are tears and her friend dies leaving her in custody of her daughter who is about 7 years old. In spite of the fact that she is a singer and has a crazy life she accepts responsibility for that little innocent girl and does it in service to her love for her and her mother. Just when I think that I cannot take responsibility for my life I will likely come full circle and be able to do my coaching, mentoring, spiritual work with others whom goddess will select for me.
My intention is to have more women's workshops and to have our annual retreat for the women who have been involved over the years. To serve my clients both current and new. It feels like God still has a plan for me and I intend to follow it. It is likely not going to be easy or so I seem to feel in my bones. I know that this next step is just the next one and all that is required of me is to take it. I am sometimes hesitant and sometimes I wonder why but in the end I know I have to take the step or simply not take the step and give up. The last option just doesn't seem like the right one for me.
What is in this for you? I am never sure to be honest with all of you. What I do want to share is that taking care of yourself is imperative and that loving what you have is important. Seeing your life as a glass that is almost full rather than almost empty is going to take us further along in life. Asking for guidance around our path and purpose is essential. Knowing that "this too shall pass" will get us over the hump of now and get us to the next place where we are not victims but rather we are heroes. Knowing what boundaries to set and what priorities to look at in our life is what will create a strong balance between self-love and loving others. Asking ourselves what is truly important and what is truly showing up for us now. Letting the snow fall and being OK with looking out the window and enjoying it's beauty without needing to be in it, being accepting of the fact that you cannot do that yet. Looking up at your two story living area and seeing God looking in. Thanking yourself for being kind to yourself and for loving yourself enough to sit quietly and pray.
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