Take It From Me
I guess I should start by explaining the title of this blog, not because I think it's complicated but because I would like others to know where this series of blogs will be focused. I am in Naples Florida and just getting back from hanging out with my friend and her good friend by the ocean, having some drinks and watching the beautiful sunset. Part of my conversation with my friends friend was about how men seem to be less than conscious about how to approach, be with and treat a woman. I brought up the first date scenario to which she supported my idea of writing a manual for men. This book would be entitled, "How to Be with Women, take it from me, a gay guy". I have always wanted to write this manual and so here is the start of my dream book, a manual for men on how to connect with women. I know that there will be people who believe that I have a lot of nerve thinking that I know that much about women that I could help men interact effectively with them, but now that I have put that out there as they say I am going to go ahead and write about it in hopes that someone will benefit and I will finally express my feminine energy while still holding on to my masculine parts.
I would like to begin this man manual with some thoughts about the "first date", typically the initial interaction that can be the beginning of a relationship or the end of it. It is that experience that men seem to dread and one that women look back on. It is an opportunity for a man to either make a good impression or fail miserably not to mention the only chance to get to get to the second date. Here is how I look at it.
When you are preparing for your date groom yourself in every area. Get yourself freshened up by taking a long shower and if need be gently satisfy yourself so that you are less likely to cross her boundaries or act intimately desperate. Once you done that go ahead and a apply a little fragrance on both side of your neck, on your chest, one spray on your belly button and one on the inside of each of your wrists. Select an outfit the day before that is appropriate to the place where you are having dinner, the event or the occasion. As many women would say, "if in doubt wear black". A pair of nice fitting black pants and a crisply ironed white shirt with loafers will not only look great, it will fit in to most situations. If you are going to a casual location you can wear new jeans or a new pair of tan pants with a white shirt, either spread collar, button down or a regular collar is best. The point is to make sure that you look close to impeccable no matter where you are going. If you are unsure of the dress code of your final destination, call and decide if a jacket or tie might be appropriate or required and if it is, add it on. The point here is to look your absolute best and project an image that says that you made an effort for this important first date. Remember that you may only have this one chance to make a good impression and to bring your very best and most handsome self forward.
Establish a time of pick up and unless she would like to meet you there plan on picking your date up at the door and bringing her home. Now that I am on this part of the date let me be clear in saying that you are not to ask to come at the end of the date but you should go to the door, ring the bell and walk her back to your car and open the car door for her. It is likely that flowers will be appreciated and when you give them to her allow her a few moments to take them into her home and place them in water. Flowers should be presented to your date at the door or you can simply bring her a single rose. It is not about giving her a large amount of flowers but it is about a gentle and romantic approach. Once you arrive at your destination make an effort to open the car door and offer to drop her off while you park the car, especially if it is cold out and as long as she is safe.
There are subjects and questions that I would refer to as the NO NO questions. One of them is the obvious one which is, "how old are you" but there are others. Here are some of the questions you should not ask:
How many children would you like to have?
How much do you weigh?
What size are you?
Have you ever been married?
Do you have children?
What kind of man do you like?
Who did your hair?
Is that your natural hair color?
How many men have you been with?
When did you lose your virginity?
Are you attracted to me?
When were you born?
What is your horoscope sign?
Are you very sexual?
How much money do you make?
How much did that cost?
With that said please use your intuition to determine whether a question would be one that is too personal, too fast, too sexual or simply inappropriate to ask someone that you are trying to get to know and whom you don't know well enough. The truth is that it doesn't matter how many children she wants when you are unsure of whether you will ever see her again, least of all marry her. It surely doesn't matter if her hair color is not natural since most women dye their hair anyway and many find it an insult for anyone to ask. Of course questions related to number of partners or sex are strictly prohibited for obvious reasons and if it is not obvious take my word for it, this would not be a good line of questions.
So what are some YES questions? That's a good question and here are my answers. Do ask questions that will show your date that you are more interested in her than you are in making her interested in you. Here are some basic ones you might have already thought of:
How do you like to spend your time?
What do you like in people?
What brings you joy?
What are some of your favorite foods?
What do you think about ecology?
What are your siblings names?
How do you like to be treated?
Who is a person you admire, why?
What do you think the world needs more of?
Where were you born and how was it growing up there?
What kinds of things do you like to do?
What is important to you?
How do you feel about...
What would you say men should know about women?
What honors you?
Needless to say these are the kinds of questions that are more open ended and that show her you are interested in her thoughts more than you are interested in her thighs, even if she has the most beautiful legs you have ever seen. By the way don't compliment her on her body parts just yet but do tell her she looks great. Tempered compliments are normally well received and over complimenting might be interpreted as overkill.
Whether you are eating, having drinks or both make sure you don't overdue it. Have two drinks at most and leave something on your plate. Whatever you do don't eat any of her food or finish her drink, It is at the very least a yellow flag when you eat or drink too much or you appear like a "gluten". Eat and drink and do so at a pace that is slower than what you would normally follow. Take your time and use that time to ask questions, share ideas and communicate that you are present.
You may already be thinking about how to end the date. First of all end the date while you are ahead and that is usually before midnight and before she becomes uncomfortable. You may not know if she will become bored but don't take any chances. Once you have asked her if she is ready to return home and you have opened her car door and offered your arm to escort her down the street (making sure she is on the inside of the sidewalk furthest from the street at all times) you are now ready to walk her to her front door. As I said before, don't invite yourself in and don't accept an invitation to come in. Be a gentleman all the way through and thank her. If you are in doubt ask if you can hug her or give her a kiss on one cheek. If you decide to go to kiss her she may react thinking you may kiss her on her lips, which is another NO NO (take my word for it). A simple and honest approach would be to ask, "may I hug you? " or "may I kiss you on the cheek?" What you don't want to do is kiss her on the mouth when you don't have permission. This would be too intimate a move on the first date and some women would feel uncomfortable kissing on a first date. The idea is to remain within the boundaries of a stranger and to get the point across to her that you are all about protocol.
Now that you have some basic tips for a first date take the time to check in with your date in a day or two, letting her know if you are interested or not interested in a second date and determining if she is interested in seeing you again. Clear messages and honest feedback will ensure that you are either on the same page or your not. In either case thank her and unless things went horribly wrong know that you have done the appropriate thing.
A great date is measured by the amount of gentlemanly things you do and say. In the end you may not fit her criteria but if you are a gentleman she will have wonderful things to say about you to others and one never can know if she might introduce you to one of her friends.
Notes: Stay with me ladies and gentlemen. There is going to be more on how a man can best interact with a woman. We will see just how accurate I am and as usual I invite your feedback.
Coach Elliott
I would like to begin this man manual with some thoughts about the "first date", typically the initial interaction that can be the beginning of a relationship or the end of it. It is that experience that men seem to dread and one that women look back on. It is an opportunity for a man to either make a good impression or fail miserably not to mention the only chance to get to get to the second date. Here is how I look at it.
When you are preparing for your date groom yourself in every area. Get yourself freshened up by taking a long shower and if need be gently satisfy yourself so that you are less likely to cross her boundaries or act intimately desperate. Once you done that go ahead and a apply a little fragrance on both side of your neck, on your chest, one spray on your belly button and one on the inside of each of your wrists. Select an outfit the day before that is appropriate to the place where you are having dinner, the event or the occasion. As many women would say, "if in doubt wear black". A pair of nice fitting black pants and a crisply ironed white shirt with loafers will not only look great, it will fit in to most situations. If you are going to a casual location you can wear new jeans or a new pair of tan pants with a white shirt, either spread collar, button down or a regular collar is best. The point is to make sure that you look close to impeccable no matter where you are going. If you are unsure of the dress code of your final destination, call and decide if a jacket or tie might be appropriate or required and if it is, add it on. The point here is to look your absolute best and project an image that says that you made an effort for this important first date. Remember that you may only have this one chance to make a good impression and to bring your very best and most handsome self forward.
Establish a time of pick up and unless she would like to meet you there plan on picking your date up at the door and bringing her home. Now that I am on this part of the date let me be clear in saying that you are not to ask to come at the end of the date but you should go to the door, ring the bell and walk her back to your car and open the car door for her. It is likely that flowers will be appreciated and when you give them to her allow her a few moments to take them into her home and place them in water. Flowers should be presented to your date at the door or you can simply bring her a single rose. It is not about giving her a large amount of flowers but it is about a gentle and romantic approach. Once you arrive at your destination make an effort to open the car door and offer to drop her off while you park the car, especially if it is cold out and as long as she is safe.
There are subjects and questions that I would refer to as the NO NO questions. One of them is the obvious one which is, "how old are you" but there are others. Here are some of the questions you should not ask:
How many children would you like to have?
How much do you weigh?
What size are you?
Have you ever been married?
Do you have children?
What kind of man do you like?
Who did your hair?
Is that your natural hair color?
How many men have you been with?
When did you lose your virginity?
Are you attracted to me?
When were you born?
What is your horoscope sign?
Are you very sexual?
How much money do you make?
How much did that cost?
With that said please use your intuition to determine whether a question would be one that is too personal, too fast, too sexual or simply inappropriate to ask someone that you are trying to get to know and whom you don't know well enough. The truth is that it doesn't matter how many children she wants when you are unsure of whether you will ever see her again, least of all marry her. It surely doesn't matter if her hair color is not natural since most women dye their hair anyway and many find it an insult for anyone to ask. Of course questions related to number of partners or sex are strictly prohibited for obvious reasons and if it is not obvious take my word for it, this would not be a good line of questions.
So what are some YES questions? That's a good question and here are my answers. Do ask questions that will show your date that you are more interested in her than you are in making her interested in you. Here are some basic ones you might have already thought of:
How do you like to spend your time?
What do you like in people?
What brings you joy?
What are some of your favorite foods?
What do you think about ecology?
What are your siblings names?
How do you like to be treated?
Who is a person you admire, why?
What do you think the world needs more of?
Where were you born and how was it growing up there?
What kinds of things do you like to do?
What is important to you?
How do you feel about...
What would you say men should know about women?
What honors you?
Needless to say these are the kinds of questions that are more open ended and that show her you are interested in her thoughts more than you are interested in her thighs, even if she has the most beautiful legs you have ever seen. By the way don't compliment her on her body parts just yet but do tell her she looks great. Tempered compliments are normally well received and over complimenting might be interpreted as overkill.
Whether you are eating, having drinks or both make sure you don't overdue it. Have two drinks at most and leave something on your plate. Whatever you do don't eat any of her food or finish her drink, It is at the very least a yellow flag when you eat or drink too much or you appear like a "gluten". Eat and drink and do so at a pace that is slower than what you would normally follow. Take your time and use that time to ask questions, share ideas and communicate that you are present.
You may already be thinking about how to end the date. First of all end the date while you are ahead and that is usually before midnight and before she becomes uncomfortable. You may not know if she will become bored but don't take any chances. Once you have asked her if she is ready to return home and you have opened her car door and offered your arm to escort her down the street (making sure she is on the inside of the sidewalk furthest from the street at all times) you are now ready to walk her to her front door. As I said before, don't invite yourself in and don't accept an invitation to come in. Be a gentleman all the way through and thank her. If you are in doubt ask if you can hug her or give her a kiss on one cheek. If you decide to go to kiss her she may react thinking you may kiss her on her lips, which is another NO NO (take my word for it). A simple and honest approach would be to ask, "may I hug you? " or "may I kiss you on the cheek?" What you don't want to do is kiss her on the mouth when you don't have permission. This would be too intimate a move on the first date and some women would feel uncomfortable kissing on a first date. The idea is to remain within the boundaries of a stranger and to get the point across to her that you are all about protocol.
Now that you have some basic tips for a first date take the time to check in with your date in a day or two, letting her know if you are interested or not interested in a second date and determining if she is interested in seeing you again. Clear messages and honest feedback will ensure that you are either on the same page or your not. In either case thank her and unless things went horribly wrong know that you have done the appropriate thing.
A great date is measured by the amount of gentlemanly things you do and say. In the end you may not fit her criteria but if you are a gentleman she will have wonderful things to say about you to others and one never can know if she might introduce you to one of her friends.
Notes: Stay with me ladies and gentlemen. There is going to be more on how a man can best interact with a woman. We will see just how accurate I am and as usual I invite your feedback.
Coach Elliott
Comments
Post a Comment