Talking to Girls
I am still working on how to entice men into reading my BLOG, hence the second title "Women and Men". This is the start to the manual that I have the nerve to want to write in service to men and in gratitude to all the women in my life and those who have passed through my life. Without boring all of you any further I will continue my quest to and continue to try my hand at this.
My last BLOG started with the concept of the "first date". I wanted to share some of the things that I women have shared with me about their first dates, some of which have been described as if they were a bad nightmare and others as "at most uneventful". Surprisingly, if men would be willing to ask women more questions they would likely learn some things that would increase their chances of finding the woman they are dreaming about. With that said I want to continue to talk about that first date because as many of us have experienced, if you screw that up it results in not getting to the second date. and that would be bad unless you are not interested.
I think that what men fear is what they have feared since grammar school and that is not knowing how to talk to girls. What do you say? What do you talk about with girls? For some men this has evaded men all the way up to adulthood and they still feel as though they don't know what to say or what subjects to talk about. Many will give in to their own interests and focus the discussion on their own interests or what they are familiar with, like sports or cars.
Now I would like to continue this BLOG as though I am writing for men and speaking to them. Here we go:
Now that you have an appropriate outfit on and you know what questions not to ask on a first date, you are ready for your lesson on how to talk to girls. The first rule of thumb is simple. Don't talk about your own interests unless she asks you about it and if she does don't do run a marathon and talk about yourself until she throws up. If you keep a close eye on her body language you will be able to tell when she is becoming bored, uncomfortable or just disinterested in what you are talking about. The best way to approach a conversation is to look at it as a way to get to know her and be more interested than interesting, because when we are busy trying to impress others we are less concerned about them and more concerned about ourselves. A first date is that one opportunity to make an impression and you have to decide what kind of impression you want to make. The subjects that you talk about on a first date is important and if you get on the wrong subject it could cost you and cause you not to get a second date.
It is relatively simple to talk to women about the things that they are interested in talking about and even get a chance to share your interests. If you begin by finding out what her interests are by asking her the right questions you will have a great conversation, one that is connected, honest and fun. Let's review some of the right questions and remember, open ended questions.
What do you want people to know about you?
What brings you joy?
What is important to you?
What do you like in other people?
Who do you admire?
What do you dream of doing?
What are some of your favorite things?
These are just an example of what kinds of open questions you can ask to get the conversation going and to make her the focus and get her to feel like you want to get to know her. The thing to remember is that you want to be less focused on yourself and that the reason that you don't want to be self-focused is two-fold. One you get to know her and two you want her to know that beyond any doubt.
The surest way to have a great talk is to follow her lead. If she begins a conversation about her workout routine you ask questions around that subject like: "What do you most when you are working out?". If she is talking about her son you could ask her a question like, "What's the funniest thing he has done?" or "What kinds of things does he like to do?". Your questions should be ones that require more than a one word response. If you ask her how old her child is for example, that might get a one word answer. This is why you want to ask her questions that require a longer and perhaps a deeper response. We will call this strategy the follow her lead approach because all you have to do is listen carefully and follow along.
to be continued:
My last BLOG started with the concept of the "first date". I wanted to share some of the things that I women have shared with me about their first dates, some of which have been described as if they were a bad nightmare and others as "at most uneventful". Surprisingly, if men would be willing to ask women more questions they would likely learn some things that would increase their chances of finding the woman they are dreaming about. With that said I want to continue to talk about that first date because as many of us have experienced, if you screw that up it results in not getting to the second date. and that would be bad unless you are not interested.
I think that what men fear is what they have feared since grammar school and that is not knowing how to talk to girls. What do you say? What do you talk about with girls? For some men this has evaded men all the way up to adulthood and they still feel as though they don't know what to say or what subjects to talk about. Many will give in to their own interests and focus the discussion on their own interests or what they are familiar with, like sports or cars.
Now I would like to continue this BLOG as though I am writing for men and speaking to them. Here we go:
Now that you have an appropriate outfit on and you know what questions not to ask on a first date, you are ready for your lesson on how to talk to girls. The first rule of thumb is simple. Don't talk about your own interests unless she asks you about it and if she does don't do run a marathon and talk about yourself until she throws up. If you keep a close eye on her body language you will be able to tell when she is becoming bored, uncomfortable or just disinterested in what you are talking about. The best way to approach a conversation is to look at it as a way to get to know her and be more interested than interesting, because when we are busy trying to impress others we are less concerned about them and more concerned about ourselves. A first date is that one opportunity to make an impression and you have to decide what kind of impression you want to make. The subjects that you talk about on a first date is important and if you get on the wrong subject it could cost you and cause you not to get a second date.
It is relatively simple to talk to women about the things that they are interested in talking about and even get a chance to share your interests. If you begin by finding out what her interests are by asking her the right questions you will have a great conversation, one that is connected, honest and fun. Let's review some of the right questions and remember, open ended questions.
What do you want people to know about you?
What brings you joy?
What is important to you?
What do you like in other people?
Who do you admire?
What do you dream of doing?
What are some of your favorite things?
These are just an example of what kinds of open questions you can ask to get the conversation going and to make her the focus and get her to feel like you want to get to know her. The thing to remember is that you want to be less focused on yourself and that the reason that you don't want to be self-focused is two-fold. One you get to know her and two you want her to know that beyond any doubt.
The surest way to have a great talk is to follow her lead. If she begins a conversation about her workout routine you ask questions around that subject like: "What do you most when you are working out?". If she is talking about her son you could ask her a question like, "What's the funniest thing he has done?" or "What kinds of things does he like to do?". Your questions should be ones that require more than a one word response. If you ask her how old her child is for example, that might get a one word answer. This is why you want to ask her questions that require a longer and perhaps a deeper response. We will call this strategy the follow her lead approach because all you have to do is listen carefully and follow along.
to be continued:
Very important also is the 'responses' men give to the feedback women give you. Men tend to 'measure responses'. Please don't do that. Accept the person for whom they are. Whether you're going to date them further, marry them, or never see them again. It's called 'respect.' And that goes a long way with women. :=)
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