Coach Elliott

Not to long ago a friend shared that he did not like being alone at home.  His solution to this was to be out all the time and every day possible.  I felt some concern for him and shared that I loved being at home alone and relaxing.  I went on to say that for me being at home by myself was relaxing and that I actually yearned for that alone time.   I went on to say that  I love sitting on my deck on my comfortable chair enjoying music, the reflection of the pond and the abundant nature around me.   Suddenly he responded with: "I would stay at home if I had a beautiful house like yours.  This of course made me feel some sadness for him, not because he could not create a great environment in his own apartment but because he seemed not to value himself enough to make where he lived a place he would love to spend more time in.   I am thankful to him because it prompted me to think about what we can ALL do to make a the space we live in SACRED, COM...

With the holidays approaching many of us are thinking about the holidays and some of us are stressing about expenditures.  For too many the question: "How much is this holiday going to cost me, is a legitimate one". A lot of the holiday stress can be relieved in some truly easy ways.  Here's four of them:  1. Surrender and enjoy it:  Decide here and now that you are going to do your very best to enjoy the holidays.  Make plans to go events that are inspired by the holidays.  Take the time and surrender to the festivities and attend a few parties you may get an invitation to.  Surrendering is the best way to just enjoy the holidays by saying yes and making the best of it.  Turning it into a positive experience will help you to view the experience in a new and refreshing manner.  In this way you can enjoy it instead of stressing yourself out.   2. Don't stress, spend less:  Make a conscious decision to stay inside a bud...

Sometimes the holidays can be really stressful.  Thinking of things to do that are not filled with feelings of anxiety and stress can be tough for some, never mind the added stress  of dysfunctional family antics.  Every year I make it my goal to enjoy the holidays more and experience the least stress possible.  Although we may not find the perfect solution to the holiday madness we can enjoy the holidays more when we are intentional about finding light filled ways to brighten the holidays and lessen the stress.  Here are four of them: 1. Agree to buy gifts for children only or just your own children:  Many times it is the huge amount of money one spends that we dread and unfortunately that debt follows us for another year.  Agree to buy gifts for only minor children or for your own children and distribute them on Christmas day in each household with your own children.  The less money your family spends that better they will feel.  Explain...

Although it pained me as it did many Americans, Trump will soon be in the White House as our president.  As recently as a few days ago a very well dressed white supremest leader held a very well attended meeting where he did a complete dissertation focused on "White Power".  For me and for others, there is something frightening about groups like this one and the KKK that supported and got Trump into office.  The foremost concern is that Trump and his supporters have a plan for America that places the power in the hands of white Americans in particular.  It is all too sorted and is cause for much concern yet I for one have to believe that we can do some specific things to make it difficult for the "White Supremacists".  Here are some of the things we can do: 1. Pay close attention and take notice 2. Be ready to take action/protest and get involved 3. Stay positive and fearless (Love Does Trump Hate) 4. Know the laws (including the laws of the land) will prev...

Like many Americans I am in utter shock that an alleged criminal has won the highest ranking position in our county.  With allegations of swindling students through his online university to horrific comments made publicly targeting women and people of color.  Still he managed to rally the people who were in the closets and not so smart people that he is going to somehow change things in America for the better with his brute force.  I cannot imagine what the next four years will be like but I can only hope that we will find a way to impeach him.  The fact that he made it to this honorable position tells me that our country has some pretty warped understanding of life and leadership in America. I admit that in some way I am not surprised.  I think that our country people who are bigoted have in fact come out of the closets and are much more freely demonstrating their ignorance.  What I fear now is that we will become more overt about our bigotry and racism....

No doubt there will be many people who will experience what we call the "holiday blues".  For many the holidays feel like a reminder of their lonely feelings and the people who die before them.  Some express their dislike for the holidays and like other holidays, Valentine's Day, New Year's Eve and Secretaries Day they feel as though the people who profit the most are the merchants who promote each one to make more money.  Yet in spite of all of this, we can experience joy during the holidays and have a Merry Christmas if we just set that intention and plan it.  By staying in bed and turning off the lights we may be able to experience a temporary relief nothing but confronting it and reframing the holidays is the best way to heal. Adopt a family: There are legitimately  people that do not have any family members around them during the holiday season for various reasons including that their family experience is not one that is loving and connected. ...

There are so many reasons to get the blues during the holidays that I could not possible share them all.  From family disfunctional behaviors to a death of a family member to a break up.  All are good reasons to be a little blue shortly before or during the holidays.  Here are some ways to cope: 1.  Don't feel obligated: The mere fact that one feels obligated to celebrate holidays will bring us down.  Try to look at the holidays and your participation as optional.  No one can force you to do something you simply don't feel like doing.  The less obligated you feel the more likely you may enjoy it by just making it an intentional choice.  Or not. 2. Limit the merriment: Carve out a small amount of time to participate in the merriment of the holidays by deciding ahead of time how long you will be into it and in it.  Don't commit to hours of partying or staying until Uncle Jack gets drunk and sits on your lap.  Limit the time you will ...

I am currently not in a relationship and happily single.  I am enjoying this time in my life and over the span of about 3 years I have come to a place of expertise in being single and being joyous around it.  But there is something a bit ironic about my life and that is that I have worked successfully with many couples in distress and with lots of single women who are pondering relationship, some wondering why they are single, some falsely wanting to be in a relationship, not out of good but out of neediness. Relationships are tough and knowing what to look for when you start one up helps us to go about this emotionally charged journey.  Here are some solid tips and things to look at and think about: 1. Do not get intimately physical too fast/too soon.  2. Do not move in or stay in the same place until. 3. Do not tell your secrets: not until you know the person can be trusted.  4. Check in with your needs vs your wants. 5. Reserve the four letter word: L...

I like to remind myself that what others think of me is really none of my business and if they make it my business I will "tally up all my evil thoughts" and not take it personal.  What you and I fail at doing is that at the very least what others think of us, true or not, is a feeling that we don't have to own.  It did not come from us nor should we trust what someone else says as who we are. No one has a right to judge you and so with that being clear we must understand that when others point their fingers at us in judgement that four fingers and in fact pointing back at them.  Often times what we see as a flaw in someone we often times know it to be our own flaw.  When in fact it is so clear to us who we are nothing anyone says will effect our joy.  In fact, what the other person doing the pointing does not seem to know is that we already know who we are. For many people life is already a daily struggle.  Seeing the good in mankind is not easy and li...