Coach Elliott

I use to think: "life, it's complicated".  Now I feel completely the opposite and that is the "life is simple".  In fact what I think is that we complicate our lives by thinking and doing things that make life more difficult. Here's how we complicate life and how to stop: Stinky Thinky: Sometimes referred to as stinking thinking, this is the way that we think ourselves into madness, confusion, insecurity and pain.  We literally think ourselves into a frenzy of darkness and doom.  When we become stinky in our thinking we must catch it and stop it by doing something that we like and know will relax us or bring us into our joyful place.  We can also fight our negative thoughts by having a mantra we repeat like: "I am in a place of love now".  Stinky thinking is common in people who have had more than their share of difficulties in life.  It is not always easy to leave stinky thinking thoughts but it is very possible.  Life is less complicated whe...

We all know them, the people who can go to hell.  We don't always know how to tell them but we'd like to.  Maybe we shouldn't say it but we sure want to tell them: "go to hell!".  Some may say that this feeling is not normal or that this kind of feeling is just too dark.  To those people I would like to say: "go to hell". I am uncertain about you but I certainly know that there are people who you talk nice to that you should send to hell.  There are even people you wasted years in a relationship with that you should have sent straight to hell.  We are just too polite and like me you were all likely raised to "play nice". Yet it's so interesting how after the fact you wish you'd sent them to hell right away.  We all know that feeling when we just wasted too much time on someone who was a jerk. I would like to advocate for sending people to hell as soon as you know it to be the truth of how you feel.  Holding on to the nice guy syndr...

Once I spoke to a man who happened to be from India who felt unhappy  and felt as though he did not have any control over his small children's tantrums.  In fact the couple of times he came to me for advice his children were in the other room breaking a toy and tearing a piece out of a pop up book.  Here was a man who was highly educated and was a doctor who did not have a clue as to what to do to connect with his children.  It prompted me to ask myself: How does a parent connect with children?  Here's how: Find their interest and focus on it: The best way to connect with your children is to find what interests them and do those things with them including talking about it.  When we do this our children feel important and heard by us.  There will be times when we are tempted to do what we like to do with our kids but what is more essential is that we do what they like to do.  By doing what our kids like to do we are participating in their life a...

Love is when SOME  of what you feel and want matters and EVERYTHING  that your partner feels and wants matters. Sandra complains that her boyfriend does not care about how she feels or what her needs or interests are.  She has shared with me that her partner is inconsiderate and thinks mainly about his needs being met including the need for sex.  In fact, when he wants sex he is crude, harsh and forceful, not loving, passionate or sensual.   She has often times thought about getting out the relationship and in fact has avoided marrying her boyfriend.  The big picture is that he is a bully and she is a scornful parent who actually hits him.  She claims her frustration and his bullying name calling behavior is what makes her become physically abusive.  As sad as this story may seem, it is a pattern in many relationships for many couples. Love is when we listen with the intent to be compassionate and understanding and affirming.  All three o...

Flaky friends are those friends who don't show up for you and that seem to only call when they need something.  They are often times late and other times do not show up.  People who are irresponsible do not make great friends and in reality it is better to keep them at a distance.  Loving our friends is a good thing but some of them we must accept for who they are and love them from a distance.  The reality is that some people just don't have what it takes to be present in any relationship, friendship or any other form of relationship. The lack of commitment is the biggest character defect of human kind.  When people have an issue committing they have an issue with making human connections and maintaining them.  As a group we have become less and less committed to intimacy with others because it means that we must do some work and that in that connection we must show up.  We make all types of excuses as to why we cannot show up.  We are busy wit...

If you are anything like me you have pretty much had your fill of winter: the cold weather, the snow removal, the heavy clothing and the wind blowing your fedora off your head.  There are so many ways to fight the winter blues whether you stay indoors or you face it head and go out and play in it. Here are some ways to fight the winter blues:  Legos : If you don't already have a set or two of Legos they are likely one of the most creative ways to spend time indoors.  When you play with Legos you will likely feel child like and accessing that inner child is even more joyful.  There are Legos that have themes like a gas station or an airport.  Playing with your children will also provide some quality time with them. Art : Create a collage with all of the things you love to do in the spring and summer.  Use some old magazines to cut pictures of people riding bikes, swimming in a pool and jogging outdoors.  Make your collage all about fun in the su...

If we want to feel peace then we must be mindful of that.  If we want to feel joy then we must be mindful that we do things that will promote peace.  If we want to be happy then we must mindfully practice things that will create joy in our life.  Mindful practices are ones that are going to lift us up and raise our spirit.  Mindfulness is intentional and purposeful.  It does not happen unless we do things with loving, compassionate and joyous intention.  Whether we do things mindfully for ourselves or others, being mindful is all about creating an experience that is both positive and centered. Here are some mindful things you can do to live a life that is intentionally centered and intentionally peaceful: Mindful Meditation:  This practice is about taking the time to silence everything and to hear the voices of your higher self.  By meditating mindfully you will find the answers to the questions you are asking and experience inner peace. Mi...