How To Connect With Your Child
Once I spoke to a man who happened to be from India who felt unhappy and felt as though he did not have any control over his small children's tantrums. In fact the couple of times he came to me for advice his children were in the other room breaking a toy and tearing a piece out of a pop up book. Here was a man who was highly educated and was a doctor who did not have a clue as to what to do to connect with his children. It prompted me to ask myself: How does a parent connect with children? Here's how:
Find their interest and focus on it:
The best way to connect with your children is to find what interests them and do those things with them including talking about it. When we do this our children feel important and heard by us. There will be times when we are tempted to do what we like to do with our kids but what is more essential is that we do what they like to do. By doing what our kids like to do we are participating in their life and saying that their life matters even more than ours in this moment.
Listen to listen not to respond:
Listen to your children with the idea that there does not need to be a response or a solution. Listen just to listen and not to create a response that either sounds good or is advice they did not ask you for.
Ask questions that are open ended:
Asking your kids some open ended questions keeps them and you on your toes. Questions like: How are you doing with homework? Or Have you thought about a boyfriend? Or What would help you with that? All are good questions for opening up communication while not being threatening or opinionated.
Use your intuition:
You have intuition and if you think something is going on then it is. If you sense your child is sad then they may likely be sad. Use your intuitive powers as a parent and ask for clarity. Staying tuned in to your sense of intuition is always helpful to your child.
Be willing to play:
Becoming like a child with your child is the most fun and they love it. Go to the park and see who can swing the highest or chase him or her all over the park. Enjoy some play time and be willing to release your adult ego for a more playful persona. Your kid will remember this for a lifetime.
Don't avoid going deeper:
Be willing to go deeper then just asking your child how they are doing or what their day was like. Be willing to show your feelings and allowing them to show their feelings. Keep the emotions flowing and refuse to stay just on the surface and safe all the time. Don't avoid your own feelings and your child will learn not to avoid his or her feelings. It is good to go deeper into your feelings with them.
There are more ways to connect with your child but these are some. I hope that they are helpful.
Coach Elliott
Find their interest and focus on it:
The best way to connect with your children is to find what interests them and do those things with them including talking about it. When we do this our children feel important and heard by us. There will be times when we are tempted to do what we like to do with our kids but what is more essential is that we do what they like to do. By doing what our kids like to do we are participating in their life and saying that their life matters even more than ours in this moment.
Listen to listen not to respond:
Listen to your children with the idea that there does not need to be a response or a solution. Listen just to listen and not to create a response that either sounds good or is advice they did not ask you for.
Ask questions that are open ended:
Asking your kids some open ended questions keeps them and you on your toes. Questions like: How are you doing with homework? Or Have you thought about a boyfriend? Or What would help you with that? All are good questions for opening up communication while not being threatening or opinionated.
Use your intuition:
You have intuition and if you think something is going on then it is. If you sense your child is sad then they may likely be sad. Use your intuitive powers as a parent and ask for clarity. Staying tuned in to your sense of intuition is always helpful to your child.
Be willing to play:
Becoming like a child with your child is the most fun and they love it. Go to the park and see who can swing the highest or chase him or her all over the park. Enjoy some play time and be willing to release your adult ego for a more playful persona. Your kid will remember this for a lifetime.
Don't avoid going deeper:
Be willing to go deeper then just asking your child how they are doing or what their day was like. Be willing to show your feelings and allowing them to show their feelings. Keep the emotions flowing and refuse to stay just on the surface and safe all the time. Don't avoid your own feelings and your child will learn not to avoid his or her feelings. It is good to go deeper into your feelings with them.
There are more ways to connect with your child but these are some. I hope that they are helpful.
Coach Elliott
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