Relationship: Is It Time To Leave?
For most of us the signs are there and they always have been. We know early on that the person we are with are either right or wrong for us and that we are better off alone. We stay in bad relationships for many reasons some that seem like really good reasons like not being able to finance our own separate life. Yet staying in a toxic or unhappy situation will kill our spirit little by little and in the end it will likely end anyway.
Some very good reasons to consider leaving a relationship no matter how long you have been in it are:
1. Your beauty is not acknowledged: If you are in a relationship where the other person does not acknowledge your beauty inside and out and does not see your gifts then you are in the wrong relationship. People who love us will make it a point to let us know how beautiful and talented we are. When the person who claims to love us does not see our value and say so it is likely time to move on.
2. You are not supported and defended: Whether you are wrong or right a person who cares for you will be as supportive as possible and make you feel like they are on your side first. He or she will also defend you if you are disrespected by anyone else, especially if it is someone in their camp: family members or friends. Someone who loves you will defend you to the bitter end. If they don't then it may be time to let go.
3. You feel lonely and rejected: If you feel lonely and rejected by the person you are with that is a very bad sign. Someone who spends more time on what they want to do is likely not as in love with you as you may like to think. Being with a person and feeling lonely often is a sure sign of something being off. You can be lonely all by yourself. If you are lonely with someone then some thing is wrong.
4. You love but you don't like the person: Falling in love can happen even when later you uncover that you don't like the person you are in love with. Love is about compassion but liking someone is about common sense. People who behave in ways that are unkind or conceited or rude wash the love out of a situation. No matter how much you love a person if you don't like them love will not keep you together forever. In fact eventually the flaws will get to you and the love will fade.
5. You are or have become very different: We tend to be attracted to opposites but if we are too different this will eventually become the issue. It may be that two people may not like the same things but if they differ on most things then this is a bad situation that will cause an end to a relationship.
6. He or she will not compromise: People who are controlling will not compromise or give in so that their partner will be happy in any given situation. The response: "I am not into that like you are" is code for: "I am a selfish person and only do the things I like to do even if I know it would be nice to do it for you". A person who lacks compromising skills has gotten their way a lot and were not raised to give in but rather to be in control of things and dominate in a relationship. They don't know how to live any other way so don't expect them to change.
8. The romance is dead: Romance and sex are not the same thing. Most women will tell you this. Romance is about being tender and about sharing things like flowers or a card for not apparent reason or a holiday that dictates it. A person who is romantic behaves in romantic ways on an ongoing basis. When the romance dies it is likely a sign of something dwindling.
9. He or she is a bully, abusive or passive aggressive: There are some much more subtle ways that people in relationship are abusive like always wanting to be right and making you wrong or publicly sharing your business with others to put you down. Abuse does not have to be full on or defined by a therapist to be abuse. Soft core abuse over time can be very damaging to a relationship and to you.
10. No matter what you say or do it gets challenged: When much of what you do is challenged it means that the person you are with is much more concerned about being right and making you wrong. Any person who is bent on making you wrong is likely not one you want to continue to be with. Making others wrong is a soft core abuse and it does not have a place in a loving relationship. Find someone who makes your right!
All of the above qualifies as a good reason to not walk but run in the other direction. It is enough cause for moving on to a connection with someone who really does love and respect you. Although I would not advocate for simply packing and leaving I would advocate for being real with yourself and facing the truth. If the truth is that your relationship has too many of the signs of failure then moving on will bring back what you deserve in life. Pure joy. Even if it is alone.
Elliott Maximo Collazo
Some very good reasons to consider leaving a relationship no matter how long you have been in it are:
1. Your beauty is not acknowledged: If you are in a relationship where the other person does not acknowledge your beauty inside and out and does not see your gifts then you are in the wrong relationship. People who love us will make it a point to let us know how beautiful and talented we are. When the person who claims to love us does not see our value and say so it is likely time to move on.
2. You are not supported and defended: Whether you are wrong or right a person who cares for you will be as supportive as possible and make you feel like they are on your side first. He or she will also defend you if you are disrespected by anyone else, especially if it is someone in their camp: family members or friends. Someone who loves you will defend you to the bitter end. If they don't then it may be time to let go.
3. You feel lonely and rejected: If you feel lonely and rejected by the person you are with that is a very bad sign. Someone who spends more time on what they want to do is likely not as in love with you as you may like to think. Being with a person and feeling lonely often is a sure sign of something being off. You can be lonely all by yourself. If you are lonely with someone then some thing is wrong.
4. You love but you don't like the person: Falling in love can happen even when later you uncover that you don't like the person you are in love with. Love is about compassion but liking someone is about common sense. People who behave in ways that are unkind or conceited or rude wash the love out of a situation. No matter how much you love a person if you don't like them love will not keep you together forever. In fact eventually the flaws will get to you and the love will fade.
5. You are or have become very different: We tend to be attracted to opposites but if we are too different this will eventually become the issue. It may be that two people may not like the same things but if they differ on most things then this is a bad situation that will cause an end to a relationship.
6. He or she will not compromise: People who are controlling will not compromise or give in so that their partner will be happy in any given situation. The response: "I am not into that like you are" is code for: "I am a selfish person and only do the things I like to do even if I know it would be nice to do it for you". A person who lacks compromising skills has gotten their way a lot and were not raised to give in but rather to be in control of things and dominate in a relationship. They don't know how to live any other way so don't expect them to change.
8. The romance is dead: Romance and sex are not the same thing. Most women will tell you this. Romance is about being tender and about sharing things like flowers or a card for not apparent reason or a holiday that dictates it. A person who is romantic behaves in romantic ways on an ongoing basis. When the romance dies it is likely a sign of something dwindling.
9. He or she is a bully, abusive or passive aggressive: There are some much more subtle ways that people in relationship are abusive like always wanting to be right and making you wrong or publicly sharing your business with others to put you down. Abuse does not have to be full on or defined by a therapist to be abuse. Soft core abuse over time can be very damaging to a relationship and to you.
10. No matter what you say or do it gets challenged: When much of what you do is challenged it means that the person you are with is much more concerned about being right and making you wrong. Any person who is bent on making you wrong is likely not one you want to continue to be with. Making others wrong is a soft core abuse and it does not have a place in a loving relationship. Find someone who makes your right!
All of the above qualifies as a good reason to not walk but run in the other direction. It is enough cause for moving on to a connection with someone who really does love and respect you. Although I would not advocate for simply packing and leaving I would advocate for being real with yourself and facing the truth. If the truth is that your relationship has too many of the signs of failure then moving on will bring back what you deserve in life. Pure joy. Even if it is alone.
Elliott Maximo Collazo
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